 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,598 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:19 pm Post #8541 |
 
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from not always right Customer: “Wow! you look so much like that guy!” Me: “Um…what guy, ma’am?” Customer: “You know! That rocker guy with that daughter and son.” Me: “Do you mean Ozzy Osbourne?” Customer: “Yeah! That guy.” *pauses* “You have such a great skin!” (The customer begins to grab my face.) Me: *starts pulling away* “Uh…ma’am, can you please stop touching my face?” Customer: “Why? Come back!” Manager: *coming out of his office* “Ma’am, please leave my store and stop harassing my staff!” Customer: “But…why can’t I touch his face?” Manager: “Out!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:20 pm Post #8542 |
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Me: “Do you need some help?” Young Teen: “Yes, I’m looking for a book on a country.” Me: “Do you want a travel guide, or a book about the history of the country? Teen: “A travel guide, I guess. It’s for school.” Me: “OK, then. Where would you like a travel guide to?” Teen: “Hades.” Me:“…you mean, Haiti?” Teen: “Yeah, I guess that’s the way we say it here.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:20 pm Post #8543 |
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Me: “Hi welcome to [coffee shop]! What can I get started for you today?” Drive-through customer: “I want a mo-CHA.” Me: “What size?” Customer: “The middle one.” Me: “Okay, did you want that hot or iced?” Customer: “What?” Me: “Did you want that hot or iced?” Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re asking. Why are you asking me so many questions? Why can’t you just make my drink?” Me: “I just need to know if you want it hot or iced.” Customer: “What’s the difference?” Me: “Excuse me?” Customer: “What’s the difference between hot and iced?” Me: “About a hundred and thirty degrees?” Customer: “Oh… hot!” (Of course, when she gets up to the window it turns out she wanted an iced blended mocha.) 1 Thumbs Up |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:21 pm Post #8544 |
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Might We Suggest Some Buckets Tech Support | Saint John, NB, Canada Tech Support: “Thank you for calling ****. This is ****, how can I help you?” Customer: “Oh my God, my water pipes burst open over my server room! What the hell do I do?!” Tech Support: “Your office water pipes burst over your server room?” Customer: “Yes! What the h*** do I do?!” Tech Support: “Call the fire department! Why are you calling me?!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:22 pm Post #8545 |
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Your Infrastructure Dollars At Work Grocery Store | Lee's Summit, MO, USA (Late at night, a customer comes to register with a tall bottle of whiskey and off-brand cola.) Me: “Do you have your [customer] card?” Customer: “Yeah, I got it right here on my cell phone. You see, I gotta have my phone on me at all times in case the boss calls, I got the keys to heavy machinery.” Me: “Oh yeah?” Customer: “You know how much fun it is to drive a bulldozer when you’re sober? IMAGINE THAT WHILE YOU’RE DRUNK!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:22 pm Post #8546 |
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The Land Of Surf, Sun And Time Dilation Call Center | Ohio, USA Me: “Thank you for calling ****, this is ****, how can I help you?” Customer: “Yes, I’d like to place an order.” Me: “I’d be happy to do that for you, however our ordering system is down. If you’d like to call back in 15 minutes, someone can help you with that.” Customer: “OK, so is it 15 minutes Hawaii time, or your time?” Me: “No…just 15 minutes…I’m pretty sure that’s the same no matter where you are, ma’am.” Customer: “Oh! OK, thanks.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:23 pm Post #8547 |
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From Zero to Stupid In 10 Seconds Tech Support | Dallas, TX, USA Customer: “Hi, I just brought this machine. I hooked it up as per the manual and it won’t turn on.” Me: “Did you plug it in?” Customer: “Of course. I’m not an idiot.” Me: “Did you turn off the surge-master?” Customer: “Yes.” Me: “Double-checked all the wires?” Customer: “For God’s sake, YES! It was fairly simple; it’s all color-coded. You’d have to be a moron to make a mistake.” Me: “OK…why don’t you tell me what you did?” Customer: “I unpacked it, plugged all the wires in, and then plugged it into my outlet.” Me: “Then?” Customer: “Then I put the accelerator on the floor and stepped on it.” Me: “…ma’am, there is no accelerator on your computer…” Customer: “Yes there is! It’s that thing that has two buttons on either side, and that little wheel on the bottom!” (In case it wasn’t obvious, she had stepped on the mouse.) 1 Thumbs Up |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:23 pm Post #8548 |
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License To Breed Retail | Wales, UK (A blond teen of about 16 or 17 was trying to buy alcohol. She was pushing a stroller with a baby in it.) Customer: “I just want to buy it, OK?” Me: “May I please see some ID?” Customer: “I have a baby here!” *points at child* Me: “Um…that child is not your ID.” Customer: “But I can clearly buy alcohol if I have a baby!” Me: “Of course…” Customer: “So you’re going to let me buy it?” Me: “I said I’m going to need to see some ID.” Customer: “God, keep your god**** beer!” *rushes out of store with stroller* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:24 pm Post #8549 |
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You Can Never Be Too Careful Restaurant | Florida, USA Young girl, maybe six: “Hi, I need a table for 4 please.” Me: “Sure, what’s your name?” Girl: *screaming* “STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER!” (The mom, dad and little brother enter the restaurant while she’s screaming.) Mom: “What’s wrong? What happened?” Young girl: “The lady wanted to know my name!” Mom: “Honey, that’s so she can tell you when the table is ready.” Young girl: “Oh…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:24 pm Post #8550 |
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University Of Homer Simpson Gas Station | Miami, FL, USA (I’m 19 and a customer in his mid-twenties comes up to me with a 6-pack of beer and some beef jerky.) Me: “I’m sorry, sir, since I’m underage I can’t sell you this beer. Would you mind waiting for my coworker?” Customer: “Oh, sure no problem. Can I ask you a question?” Me: “Sure.” Customer: “You’re of Indian descent, right?” Me: “That’s right, sir.” Customer: “But you were born here in America, right?” Me: “Uh, no actually. I was born in India, but I moved here pretty young.” Customer: “Don’t lie to me, you don’t have an accent! I’ve seen all the movies! Any Indian character who works at a gas station always has an accent!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:25 pm Post #8551 |
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Just Wait Until They Discover Palindromes Tech Support | Australia Me: “Okay, we now need to log into your modem. It should ask for login details.” Customer: “What are they?” Me: “Admin and admin are the username and password.” Customer: “Are the passwords in that order?” Me: “Umm. Sure, go for it.” Customer: “Ok, I’d hate to have gotten them mixed up!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:25 pm Post #8552 |
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Disease Or Not, You’re Still A Douche Movie Theater | Connecticut, USA (A customer has just finished placing a rather large and pricey order of several large popcorns loaded with butter, large drinks, and random candies.) Me: “That’ll come to $55.75, sir.” Customer: “Oh… I have cancer.” Me: “Um… I’m sorry.” Customer: “So I don’t have to pay, right?” Me: “No, you still have to pay.” Customer: “Why? I’m a cancer patient!” Me: “You’re also trying to walk away with nearly $60 in concession items. I’m sorry, but I can’t give that to you because you have cancer.” Customer: “Oh, come on! What if I told you I had heart disease?” Me: “I guess I’d have to ask why you’re in such a rush to kill yourself?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:26 pm Post #8553 |
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Be All The Genders You Can Be Gas Station | Seattle, WA, USA (An older man who looks to be in his 80s approaches the counter.) Me: “Good morning, sir.” Customer: “I’m not a ’sir’.” Me: “…” Customer: “…” Me: “…ma’am?” Customer: “Are you getting sarcastic with me?” Me: “No…you’re confusing me.” Customer: “Have you been in the military?” Me: “…no. But several of my family members have.” Customer: “Well, you should. You’d be perfect.” *salutes and leaves* Coworker: *walking in* “Who was that guy?” Me: “Sergeant Transvestite?” 1 Thumbs Up |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:26 pm Post #8554 |
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Amen, Part 2 Tech Support | Australia Caller: “I’m not happy with the website.” Me: “Why?” Caller: “It’s not reporting my usage correctly.” Me: “I’m very sorry about that. Is it saying you have used more than you think you have?” Caller: “No, it’s saying I have not used any.” Me: “Oh, that means we were accidentally giving it to you for free. Thanks for telling me!” Caller: “Crap! I should learn not to complain!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:27 pm Post #8555 |
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Taking The Supersizing Thing Too Far Bank | Seattle, WA, USA (A customer is withdrawing several hundred dollars in cash.) Me: “So, how would you like the cash today?” Customer: “Um, I’ll take it all in the largest bills you have.” Me: “So hundreds, then?” Customer: “Yeah, a few hundreds, and then some 500 and 1000 dollar bills as well.” Me: “Oh, the largest denomination we have is hundreds…” Customer: “You see, this is exactly the type of thing that makes me not want to bank with you guys!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:27 pm Post #8556 |
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Guidance Counseling, Customer Style Supermarket | United Kingdom (I’m finishing a long transaction for a supermarket customer.) Customer: “You realise that you didn’t say ‘please or ‘thank you’ throughout all of that?!” Me: “I’m sorry, but I thought I did.” Customer: “Do you go to college or is this your full time job?!’ Me: “I go to college, but–” Customer: “GOOD! DON’T DO THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE BECAUSE YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY CRAP AT IT!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:28 pm Post #8557 |
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This Land Was Made For Me Not You Fast Food | Medford, OR, USA Me: “Hello, May I take your order?” Customer: “Yes I’d like two bean burritos, 2 fah-jee-tuhs, grilled stuffed burritos, and a large drink.” Me: “Fah-jee-tuh?” Customer: “Yes!” Me: “You mean fajitas?” Customer: “No, we don’t pronounce it like that! We’re in America, not Mexico!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:29 pm Post #8558 |
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More Than A Few Crossed Wires Music Store | Calgary, Alberta, Canada Me: “Hi, how may I help you?” Caller: “Yes, can you tell me how to get to your store? I’m coming from the north end of the city.” Me: “OK, you’ll need to head south on 14th Street–” Caller: “Whoa whoa whoa… slow down, you’re going too fast.” Me: “OK, sorry. You will need to head south–” Caller: “Don’t talk to me in that tone of voice! Now explain it to me like a civil human being, and tell me how to get to your f***ing store!” Me: “…I’m sorry, ma’am. If you just head south–” Caller: “What in God’s name is wrong with you? All I want to do is get to your f***ing store so I can get some f***ing music! Is that so d*** much to ask for? Look young lady, I just got out of brain surgery and I can’t deal with your bulls*** right now. You need to talk slowly to me. OK, forget it, you’re wasting my time. I’ll find my way there myself! *hangs up* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:29 pm Post #8559 |
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Ed Begley Jr. Starts To Cut Back Grocery Store | Brookfield, WI, USA Me: “Would you like paper or plastic?” Customer: “Oh, I’d like one of those nice canvas bags, please.” Me: “Excuse me?” Customer: “You know, one of those reusable canvas bags. Like the ones that she’s got!” *points to the next customer in line* Me: “Uh, well, we don’t have those here, unfortunately. All we’ve got is paper or plastic. If you want a canvas bag, you’d have to buy one and bring it yourself.” Customer: “What a load of crap! Why should I want to save the environment if I have to pay to do it?!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:29 pm Post #8560 |
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Dr. Doolittle’s House Of Style Call Center | Boise, ID, USA Me: “Thank you for calling **** Cosmetics. My name is ****, how may I help you today?” Caller: “Do you test your product on animals?” Me: “No, ma’am, we do not.” Caller: “Not even on unicorns?” Me: “Uhh…no.” Caller: “What about mongooses?” Me: “No.” Caller: “Dogs?” Me: “No.” Caller: “Then how do you test your products?” Me: “I believe they’re tested by using clinical trials.” Caller: “So you don’t test your product on animals?” Me: “No, we do not.” Caller: “That’s great! Bye!” *hangs up* 1 Thumbs Up |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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