 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,623 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Mon Mar 9, 2009 2:29 pm Post #8041 |
 
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Who Needs a Television When You've Got the City? (a soprano is singing an opera aria in her apartment on the 4th floor) Random man on street (screaming up to the window): Girl, you're not even gonna sing the high note?! P#ssy! Soprano (screaming out the window): Everyone's a f*cking critic! --Inwood |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Mar 9, 2009 2:30 pm Post #8042 |
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Man singing in soulful, beautiful voice: Uptown, niggg@h! Uptown nigg@@@h! Uptown nigga. Uptown niggggah! Man on other side of the subway, moments later: We going downtown, niggg@h! --F Train Overheard by: Jay Bee |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Mar 9, 2009 2:30 pm Post #8043 |
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Four-year-old girl: Daddy, why is it called Washington Square Park? Father: It was named after George Washington. Four-year-old girl: Wait...but I thought he was bad! Father: No, that's George Bush. --Washington Square Park Overheard by: Emilia |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Mar 9, 2009 2:31 pm Post #8044 |
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How Come Math Majors Are Always the Slowest to Understand This Concept? Nerdy guy: I don't understand what the significance of the number 69 is. Can someone explain it to me? Girl: You go to NYU and you don't know that? (nerdy guy shakes his head) Girl: To put it bluntly, it's two people giving each other head. Nerdy guy: Wait, but what does that mean? Girl: Oh my god...I can't tell you that now. You're the most innocent guy here. It would be like killing a unicorn. --Kimmel Center, NYU |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Mar 9, 2009 2:33 pm Post #8045 |
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from notalwaysright.com Me: Hi, welcome to ****. How can I help you today?” Customer: “I’ve been waiting here for 15 minutes. I want everything here discounted.” Me: “Ma’am, I left here maybe two minutes ago, max, to check the fitting rooms.” Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?” Me: “In short, yes.” Customer: “BULLS***! DO YOU HAVE ANY PROOF I WASN’T HERE EARLIER?!” (I point to the huge camera on the ceiling.) Customer: “…” Me: “…” Customer: “I’ll shut up now.” |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Mar 9, 2009 2:33 pm Post #8046 |
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(A customer walks in and places a box on the desk in our repairs center.) Me: “Hello, how can I help you, sir?” Customer: “Can you fix this for me?” Me: *looking at box* “This is a toaster.” Customer: “Yes. Can you fix it? It’s broken.” Me: “I’m sorry, we only fix computers and computer peripherals here.” Customer: “But if you can fix computers, surely you can fix a toaster!” Me: “We don’t fix toasters, sir.” Customer: “Please? I’m sure it’s easy.” Me: “Even if we could fix it for you, you don’t have a repair warantee with us, so it would cost you £50 just for us to look at it. You could buy two new toasters for that.” Customer: “£50?! What a rip-off! If it’s going to cost me that much, I’ll go elsewhere!” Me: “Have you tried the store you bought it from?” Customer: “Yes, and they wouldn’t fix it!” Me: “So you thought a computer store would?” Customer: *takes the toaster and walks out in a huff* 1 Thumbs Up |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Mar 9, 2009 2:34 pm Post #8047 |
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(I’m a painfully shy 13-year-old, and a customer somehow mistook me for an employee.) Customer: “Can you help me find something?” Me: “No.” Customer: “NO?!” Me: “No!” Customer: “Why not?!” Me: “… I’m not allowed to talk to strangers.” |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Mar 9, 2009 2:35 pm Post #8048 |
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Agent: “I sent in the paperwork over a week ago. Why hasn’t this been processed?” Me: *looking up record* “I don’t see that we’ve received it. What address did you send it to?” (The agent gives an address in Los Angeles of a company with a similar name we are not affiliated with.) Me: “Our office is located in San Francisco. We’re not actually affiliated with the company in L.A.” Agent: “Well, what do we do now?” Me: “It’s possible that they’ll forward it to our address which is printed on the paperwork, but the fastest way would be for you to submit a new form.” Agent: “Can’t you just drive over there and get it?” Me: “Well, no sir. It’s in L.A. and we’re in San Francisco.” Agent: “So?” Me: “It’s at the opposite end of the state.” Agent: “You can’t just go get it?” Me: “San Francisco is not near L.A.” Agent: *angrily* “Well, how far is it?” Me: “About 400 miles.” Agent: “…” Me: “It would take about 9 hours in each direction.” Agent: “You aren’t being very helpful.” 1 Thumbs Up |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Mar 9, 2009 2:35 pm Post #8049 |
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Me: “Hello, this is **** Pizza. How can I help you?” Customer: “Yes, I’d like a medium cheese pizza and a 2-liter of Sierra Mist, please.” Me: “All right, that’ll be $**.**. Would you like to come pick it up or have us deliver it?” Customer: “Delivery, please. My address is…” *lists a house in Philadelphia* “Would you be able to get it here in about thirty minutes? Me: “Uh, sir, we’re in California, and we don’t deliver to Philadelphia. Especially not in thirty minutes.” Customer: “Oh, well, on your website it said you deliver in thirty minutes or less.” Me: “Yes, locally. Not to Philadelphia.” Customer: “Oh, well. Uh, thanks anyways.” Me: “Have a nice day, sir.” |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Mar 9, 2009 2:36 pm Post #8050 |
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Me: *on the phone* “Hello, thank you for calling ***. This is *** speaking. How can I help you today?” Customer: “Yeah, I need to know what kind of GPS tracers you have.” Me: “Certainly, sir. We have the Zoombak system here for–” Customer: “No no no, I need something smaller!” Me: “…smaller? What are you looking for exactly, sir?” Customer: “I want to get a GPS that I can slip onto someone’s person so I can follow them around closely! I think my wife’s having an affair.” Me: “Sir, we don’t sell anything like that here.” Customer: “But you sell GPS’s!” Me: “The receivers, sir.” Customer: “And the transmitters?” Me: “Huh?” Customer: “The transmitters for your receivers!” Me: “No, sir. Not that kind of receiver. We only have the kind that tells you where you are.” Customer: “So you have nothing I can use to track people? Why not?” Me: “Well, I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.” Customer: “What about those things for tracking kids, or the things the POLICE use?” Me: “The police have special forms for use, and special power to enact them. And the ones for kids are special-case as well, as the child is under 18, so consent isn’t need–” Customer: “Well then, I wanna follow my son around!” Me: “You just said ‘wife’. And we don’t have them.” Customer: “Oh. What about tasers?” Me: “We don’t sell weapons.” Customer: “You don’t sell a lot of things, do you? What about audio bugs?” Me: “Sir, it seems you want the spy shop. I can give you their number–” Customer: “Oh, I know all about them! I’ve had COVERT training, pal! I just thought you might appreciate my covert business. I guess I gotta go take my ELITE COVERTNESS over to the spy shop, then. Jerk.” *hangs up* Coworker: *listening in*“You sure that wasn’t a radio station screwing with you?” |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Mar 9, 2009 2:39 pm Post #8051 |
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(My coworker has just put together a very expensive PA System for the pastor of a church.) Coworker: “Alright pastor, is there anything else I can get for you today?” Pastor: “No… thank you. I’m very grateful for all your help. What is the price, son?” Coworker: “Well, after all of the added items and sales tax, your total comes to $4,478.89.” Pastor: “What!? Let me ask you this… what would JESUS pay for this?!” Coworker: *without delay* “Sir, Jesus paid the ultimate price and died for your sins. Your total is still $4,478.89.” (The pastor was not amused, but paid the full amount.) |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Mar 9, 2009 2:40 pm Post #8052 |
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Me: “Ma’am, may I help you find a particular title?” Customer: “I don’t know exactly what I want. I just want a good book to read.” Me: “Is there a topic that you are especially interested in?” Customer: “I like historical stuff.” Me: “Great! What kind of history specifically?” Customer: *stares blankly* Me: “For instance, a particular time period, or the history of a certain country?” Customer: “American history, obviously.” Me: “We have some really great American history books, right over here.” (I lead her to the proper section and pull a few titles to show her.) Customer: “These are all about stuff that really happened. I want a story.” Me: “Okay, so, historical fiction then? I’m sure we can find something for you.” Customer: “No! I want something like this…” (She gestures to a book she rejected, a non fiction title about American history.) Customer: “… only I want it to be made up.” Me: “Right, historical fiction. Let’s start with a time frame within American history and I’m sure we can find something.” Customer: *sighs melodramatically* “I don’t want FICTION, I want a book with a story that is MADE UP!” 1 Thumbs Up |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Mar 9, 2009 2:40 pm Post #8053 |
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(I’m visiting a friend of mine at work when this exchange occurs.) Customer: *notes my friend’s nametag* “Matt-ie-oh… what a neat name, where’s it from?” Friend: “It’s pronounced mah-tay-oh, actually. It’s Spanish.” Customer: “Oh, really? You don’t look Mexican.” Friend: “I’m not, I’m Spanish.” Customer: “Well, what’s the difference?” Friend: “The Atlantic Ocean?” |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Mar 9, 2009 2:41 pm Post #8054 |
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They Start So Young Toy Store | San Jose, CA, USA (A girl of about 8 years old is staring longingly at the display of stickers we have by the cash register.) Girl: “I’d love to have some of these stickers, but I don’t have any money.” *sighs loudly* Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.” Girl: “…so are you going to give me some for free, or what?” Me: “…” |
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| AWOLangel | Mon Mar 9, 2009 2:42 pm Post #8055 |
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Me: “Hello sir, can I help you?” Customer: “Are you single?” Me: “Uhm , no.” Customer: “Then you can’t help me!” *hangs up* Me: “…” |
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| Gummy | Mon Mar 9, 2009 3:00 pm Post #8056 |
Me in 10 years^^^
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Somebody's got "copy and paste" down pat. 
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| Gummy | Mon Mar 9, 2009 3:21 pm Post #8057 |
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Me in 10 years^^^
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AWOLangel 17-January 06 10,718 157 54.33% Gummy 23-July 07 10,644 77 26.64% I think that I've created a monster. 
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| AWOLangel | Mon Mar 9, 2009 7:01 pm Post #8058 |
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 :evilangel: :evillaugh:
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| alittleham | Mon Mar 9, 2009 8:05 pm Post #8059 |
 
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  :magstar:
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"Don't do anything I wouldn't do. And if you do, take pictures." -Al Calavicci, Quantum Leap :alittleham: | |
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| Purplelizard2006 | Mon Mar 9, 2009 10:44 pm Post #8060 |
It's Christmas!
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Monsters, munsters! MOSTER! MONSTERS? HUH? MONSTERS! MO=UNSTERS!(i TRY NOT TO BACKSPACE) MONSTERS SRRDRUNK! wHERE? SDOWN THEREq! *POINTING(* GUMMY - MUNSTER AWOL - MONSTER  :P |
    I'm the biker babe! | |
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