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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (68,941 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:22 pm Post #21681 |
 
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Thick Accents, Thicker Heads Library | New Zealand (A teenage girl enters the library.( Me: “Hi, do you need help?” Customer: “Oh, yeah, I’m looking for a book.” Me: “Okay, are you a member of this library or any other Wellington library?” Customer: “Oh, no, I’m here with my Mother for the US summer cause I live with Dad in Florida.” Me: “Okay, we can sign you up to the library for free and issue you a card, the card will cost two dollars.” Customer: “Okay.” Me: “So, what book were you looking for?” Customer: “Twilight. Have you heard of it? Most people in America have read it, but I’m not sure if it’s here.” Me: “Oh, yeah, it was quite big for a while. My sister loved it.” Customer: “Yeah, it’s my second favorite book ever, after Eclipse.” Me: “Oh, did you leave your copy in America?” Customer: “No, I just wanted a copy from here because everyone here has really funny accents and I wanted to know how that would change the story.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:23 pm Post #21682 |
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Cross Examining Churches Tourism | Saint John, NB, Canada (I don’t work in tourism though I must seem like a friendly person since I do get a lot of people stopping me to ask questions of where things are.) Tourist: “Are you familiar with the area? Do you live around here?” Me: “Yes I do, what can I help you with?” Tourist: “I’m looking for a cathedral in this area somewhere.” Me: “Okay, which one in particular? There’s about four around here.” Tourist: “I’m looking for a Catholic cathedral.” Me: “Okay, let me think…the Anglican church is that way, there’s one near by don’t know what it is, one over up the street a ways–” Tourist: “I don’t want no Anglican church! Bloody Anglican whores! I want Catholic!” Me: “I think it’s that one right over there.” *I point at the church* Tourist: “Yes, that’s a cathedral. It had better not be Anglican or I’ll hunt you down!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:24 pm Post #21683 |
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Finals At Hogwarts School | Australia (One of my students was absent the day of a test and she has had just handed it in.) Me: “Okay, class. Now that [name] has done the test, I can give you them back.” (I hand out the test papers.) Student: “Where’s mine?” Me: “You just did yours today. I’ll have it back to you tomorrow.” Student: “But you just said!” Me: “How was I supposed to mark it in 5 minutes?” Student: *completely serious* “Doesn’t it just automatically mark itself?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:24 pm Post #21684 |
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Retired & Extremely Dangerous Pharmacy | Georgia, USA Me: “Thank you for call [Pharmacy], may I help you?” Elderly Female Customer: “I would like to get these two of my medications refilled and I want to pick them up tomorrow afternoon.” Me: “Okay ma’am, that will be fine. Is there anything else I can do for you?” Elderly Female Customer: “Honey, you can come to my house and do me anytime.” Me: “I, uh, oh, uh…” Elderly Female Customer: “I hope I didn’t offend you, but I’m old so I can say things like that!” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:26 pm Post #21685 |
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Freudian (Pay) Slip Retail | Latham, NY, USA (I am ringing up a mother and her son.) Me: “Alright, ma’am, your total is $**.**.” Son: “Wow, that is so much money! You’re taking all my momma’s money!” Me: “Actually, your mother is paying for the items that she just purchased, and I’m not the one who gets the money anyways.” Son: “Do you think I’m dumb? You get all the money; why else would you be here?” Me: “The money that is paid here is made by the company. I’m here because the company pays me to check out customers.” Son: “That’s stupid. You should get to keep the money.” (As I’m about to respond, the mother chimes in.) Mother: “Just ignore him, he’s stupid.” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:35 pm Post #21686 |
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One More Of These And I’ll Squit Restaurant | Alberta, Canada Customer: “I’ll have the chicken salad.” Me: “Alright.” Customer: “Is there MSG in it?” Me: “There might be some in the dressing, I can check for you. Are you allergic? Customer: “No, it just gives me diarrhea.” Me: “Uh…ok?” Customer’s friend: “That’s too much information!” Customer: “No she needs to know. You need to know right?” *pause* Me: *nervous laughter* “Oh, absolutely.” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:36 pm Post #21687 |
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Algae Get Another One Pet Store | United KingdomUnited Kingdom (A middle aged couple come into the tropical fish section and ask me about their algae eating fish.) Customer: “Hello, we bought some algae eaters a while back, and they died after about 2 weeks. We bought some more and they did exactly the same after 2 weeks and we were just wondering what could have been wrong with them?” Me: “What have you been feeding them?” Customer: “Nothing, we thought they ate the algae.” Me: “They do, if there’s enough to go around.” Customer: “Oh dear. Well they did keep the glass awfully clear.” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:37 pm Post #21688 |
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Don’t Ask Her What Size She’d Like Grocery Store | California, USA (I am ringing up a customer. She has bought one large jug of ice-cream, a bag of chips, and dip.) Me: “Did you find everything okay?” Customer: “Just fine…. just fine.” (I notice she’s looking me over up and down, but I try to ignore it.) Customer: “How are you so skinny?” Me: “Sorry?” Customer: “How are you skinnier than me? It’s so unhealthy!” Me: “Uh, well I’m normally like this. I exercise, and I try to stay fit.” Customer: “Oh, so you’re saying I’m not!? I can’t believe this. Just because I’m buying ice-cream and chips, doesn’t mean I’m unhealthy!” Me: “I know it doesn’t ma’am. I eat ice-cream too.” Customer: “Wait, you do?” Me: “All the time, ma’am.” Customer: “Oh… no wonder why you’re more bigger than me. You should take care of yourself more.” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:38 pm Post #21689 |
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Panda-Monium Zoo | Norfolk, VA, USA (We will be opening a new Asia section in the spring. The area is visible, but guests can’t walk through it yet.) Guest: “Excuse me, what is that over there?” Me: “That’s going to be our new Asia exhibit.” Guest: “Is it going to have panda bears?” Me: “No, I’m sorry ma’am, its not.” Guest: “Why not?” Me: “Well, all of the pandas that you see in zoos are actually owned by China, and the zoos have to pay $1 million per year to rent each panda. They even have to pay for any babies born, and have to sign a contract that all of the pandas belong to China. It’s just too expensive.” Guest: “But I thought the 14th Amendment guaranteed citizenship to any baby born here! Those should be our pandas!” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:40 pm Post #21690 |
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Meet The Frankensteins Grocery Store | New Jersey, USA Customer: “Didn’t you have glasses on last time you checked me out?” Me: “No, I don’t wear glasses.” Customer: “Are you sure? Maybe you just wear them occasionally?” Me: “No, I don’t need glasses. I’m one of the only people in my family who doesn’t.” Customer: “But I know there was something different about you last time. I know I’ve seen your face before just on a different body.” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:44 pm Post #21691 |
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In A Tsary State Locksmith Shop | Queens, NY, USA (Two women come into my grandpa’s locksmith shop and are saying really obnoxious things in Russian.) Woman 1: “Careful, I think he may speak Russian.” Woman 2: “That oaf? No way.” Woman 1: “Maybe he does.” Woman 2: “He doesn’t.” Grandpa: *in Russian* “He does.” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:45 pm Post #21692 |
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His Groceries Have Just Been Terminated Grocery Store | Peterborough, ON, Canada (I am ringing up a customer at my register; she had just told me she forgot her rewards card at home.) Me: “Do you have a reward card? Oh, shoot. Sorry! It’s just a habit to ask for it.” Customer: “Haha, don’t worry about it, I understand.” (There is an elderly man in line behind her.) Elderly Man: “They’ve programmed you!” Me: “Haha, yeah I guess they have.” Elderly Man: *shouting alarmingly* “They’ve programmed you! You’re some sort of robot aren’t you?” Me: *jokingly* “Yep, I’m a robot!” Elderly Man: *totally serious* “I knew it! You filthy robot! You’re going to kill me, aren’t you? This is some kind of government conspiracy! They sent you here to kill me! Well I won’t let you!” (He runs out of the store.) |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:47 pm Post #21693 |
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(Ursa) Major Pain In The A** Car Service | Moscow, Russia (A customer calls and asks that he and his friend need to be picked up. He sounds intoxicated.) Me: “Where should the driver pick you up?” Caller: “Do you know Ursa Major?” Me: “Ursa Major? Is it a name of a local business? A restaurant or a hotel?” Caller: “What is this world coming to? It is a constellation! In the sky! We are standing right under it!” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:50 pm Post #21694 |
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Discount Discounted Pharmacy | Sherman Oaks, CA, USA Me: “And do you have a free rewards card with us, ma’am?” Customer: “A what? I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t know.” Me: “If you think you have one, I can look it up by your phone number? Customer: “My what?” Me: *louder* “Your phone number, ma’am.” Customer: “I don’t have one of those! I don’t think I have one! I don’t have a phone number! I don’t have one!” Me: “Okay, ma’am, that’s fine. Your total today is $26.74, and just to let you know, you could have saved $5.90 if you had the rewards card.” Customer: “A discount? My phone number is ***-****.” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:52 pm Post #21695 |
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2 Guys, A Lie And A Burger Place Fast Food | Sebastian, FL, USA (The customer points out an ad on our window asking customers to inquire on how to get a free burger.) Customer: “How do you get the free burger?” Me: “You call the number on the back of your receipt and after a short survey they give you a confirmation code.” Customer: “Yeah, my code is 6610. Now give me my free burger.” Me:“Sir, if you’re going to make up a fake code make sure you know how long the codes are.” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:54 pm Post #21696 |
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Will Power On Aisle 2 Pharmacy | Canada Teenage girl: “Do you guys sell that contraceptive abstinence?” Me: “Abstinence?” Teenage girl: “Yeah! Abstinence! I read that it’s the only 100% way to not get pregnant!” Me: “That’s right. But, abstinence is to not have sex. Like abstain from.” Teenage girl: “Well, that just sucks!” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:58 pm Post #21697 |
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Pray She Doesn’t Use Hemorrhoid Cream Retail | Orland Park, IL, USA Customer: “You changed the formulation of [day cream]. You should really tell customers when you do that!” Me: “I’m sorry, we were not made aware of that change. How did you find out?” Customer: “Well it tastes different.” Me: “Tastes different? You tasted the product?” Customer: “Of course! I taste everything I put on my body!” |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:01 pm Post #21698 |
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Fishing For Intelligence Marina | Ontario, Canada (At this time we are having a “fishing derby” where kids can bring fish in and we will measure them. The three biggest fish that have been caught have their measurements on a board.) Customer: “Are these fish measured in feet?” Me: “No, they are measured in inches.” Customer: “Are you sure?” Me: “I’m positive considering the biggest according to the board would have to be 17 feet, and the only fish I can think of that can grow to be 17 feet long is a shark.” Customer: “You have sharks in this lake?!” |
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| spocklet | Wed Oct 20, 2010 12:00 am Post #21699 |
Live long and prosper.....!!
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 Though actually it should be cos I despair at the stupidity of the human race sometimes !!
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| R.I.P. Gummy, we'll miss you bro | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:26 pm Post #21700 |
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me too |
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