 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (68,943 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Fri Oct 15, 2010 8:53 pm Post #21641 |
 
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Oh, You Wanna Feel? Female cashier about to ring up sandwich order: What do you have? 20-something guy: Subway club. Female cashier, not looking at sandwich: What size? 20-something guy: Mine's 12 inches. Girl behind in line, to friend: Yeah, I bet. --Subway Restaurant Overheard by: Nancy |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Oct 15, 2010 8:55 pm Post #21642 |
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Four, Then? Mom: You're grounded. Kid: Thanks. Mom: How about two weeks, then? Kid: No problem. Mom: Okay, let's make it three weeks. Kid: No, let's do two. Mom: Oh, no, three weeks with no video games. --MacDougal & Houston Overheard by: jaydiggs |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| spocklet | Fri Oct 15, 2010 8:57 pm Post #21643 |
Live long and prosper.....!!
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Sometimes think parental punishment is more like a bidding war !! |
| R.I.P. Gummy, we'll miss you bro | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Oct 15, 2010 8:59 pm Post #21644 |
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What's the World Coming to When You Can't Even Bribe a Cop for a Celebrity's Address? 20-something dude: I don't get why a tourist would spend their whole day trying to spot an actor. Friend: Yeah. 20-something dude: I guess I could see myself going to some real hot actresses' usual spots. Man: You mean like stalking? 20-something dude: Hah! This guy knows what I'm talking about. Man: I'm a cop. 20-something dude: Oh. So you actually know what I'm talking about. Don't worry, officer, I only intend on stalking Natalie Portman. Cop: You wanna go for a ride? 20-something dude: Like around in your car? Cop: To the station. 20-something dude: I'll shut up. Cop: Thatta boy. --Brooklyn Heights Overheard by: InDCandMissingBK |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Oct 15, 2010 8:59 pm Post #21645 |
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Literally. Bulimic girl #1: I heard of this cleansing diet with lemonade and cayenne pepper. Bulimic girl #2: Yeah, it gets rid of all the shit in your body. --Sushi Restaurant |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:02 pm Post #21646 |
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from not alwys right On Completely Different Wavelengths Hotel | Chesapeake, VA, USA (Note: the caller ID shows an out of town number.) Caller: “Uh, hi. My room radio doesn’t work anymore.” Me: “I’m sorry about that. What room are you in?” Caller: “Oh, no, I’m at home! I took the radio home and now the buttons on top don’t work. It’s just fuzz! No music!” Me: “Wait. So you stole a radio, took it home, and now you’re calling because the pre-assigned buttons don’t work?” Caller: “Can you fix it or not?!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| spocklet | Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:02 pm Post #21647 |
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Live long and prosper.....!!
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| R.I.P. Gummy, we'll miss you bro | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:03 pm Post #21648 |
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Loathe Of Bread Bakery | Sydney, Australia (I work at a bakery that cuts bread with a machine.) Me: “Okay, sir, would you like me to cut your bread for you?” Customer: “How?” Me: “This machine here will cut it.” Customer: “You use a machine rather then cutting it by hand?!” Me: “Yes sir, it is quicker and gets the job done well.” Customer: *at this point he is getting furious* “This is outrageous! You use a machine to do a mans job! You are putting people out of their jobs! You are ruining the natural process of man and the cutting of bread.” Me: “I’m sorry sir, I didn’t realize. Would you like me to cut your bread by hand?” Customer: “No, use the machine! I’m in a big rush to get to my sister’s place. It’s her birthday, you know.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| Ltpondwater9 | Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:03 pm Post #21649 |
**Tomahawk Chop**
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:happy1: YES!!! It worked! |
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| spocklet | Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:04 pm Post #21650 |
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Live long and prosper.....!!
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Cool !! 
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| R.I.P. Gummy, we'll miss you bro | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:09 pm Post #21651 |
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Policemen Never Take Sabbath-icals Police | Pittsburgh, PA, USA (I pull a man over who is speeding and weaving between cars on the highway.) Driver: “Are you off duty? You can’t do traffic stops if you are off duty.” Me: “No, sir. See my uniform and marked vehicle?” *I point to my car with full lights on top and police written all over it* Driver: “They make you work on Sunday?” Me: “Yes, sir. We are 24/7.” Driver: “But who would commit a crime on a Sunday? That is blasphemy. They’ll go to hell!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:11 pm Post #21652 |
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General Knowledge Generally Gets You In Trouble Bookstore | Seattle, WA Customer: “Hello, do you work here?” Me: “No, I’m sorry I don’t.” Customer: “Then why do you have so many books in your hands?” Me: “I am about to purchase them.” Customer: “You read?” Me: “Yes” Customer: “Then you must work here.” Me: “I’m sorry but I don’t.” Customer: *picking up one of the books in my arms* “J.D. Salinger? Who’s that?” Me: “An author. He wrote Catcher in the Rye.” Customer: “See! You do work here! You know what books he wrote!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:13 pm Post #21653 |
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Stereo-Griping Clothing Store | Auckland, New Zealand (While stocking items on the shelf I notice a guy sitting by the changing rooms with the bored, “being forced to go shopping with the missus” look on his face.) Me: “Girlfriend making you comment on everything in the store?” Guy: “Me? No. I’m gay. My friend only just found out and figured we could go shopping together despite my protests.” Me: “Sorry bout the mistake, you just had the usual ‘get me out of here’ look.” (At this point the girl comes out of the changing room to show off her outfit.) Girl: “What do you think?” Guy: “I don’t know. It’s good, I guess.” Girl: *in a huff* “You’re no good at this! What’s the point in being gay if you don’t like shopping for clothes?!” (She storms back into the changing room.) Guy: “Jeez, this is worse than having to come out to my parents.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:17 pm Post #21654 |
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They Must Have Learned From Vader’s Wheezing Problem Convenience Store | Calgary, AB, Canada (An angry looking young couple storms into the convenience store.) Man: “You sell cigarettes?” Me: “Yes.” Man: “You smoking b******!” Me: “I don’t smoke. I’m not the one that picks out the–” Woman: “That is f***ing illegal!” Me: “No, actually, it’s not.” (The woman pulls something out of her purse and writes a message on it. She slams it on the counter and her and her husband storm off. I look at it later and it is a picture of a Death Star. The message reads ‘This is coming to get you!’.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:19 pm Post #21655 |
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Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 6 Call Center | San Jose, CA, USA Caller: “I called to let you know the power is out so you may see alerts.” Me: “Thank you. I will notify the team. Is there anything else I can assist you with?” Caller: “Yes. I can’t connect to the internet on my laptop. I can’t find the wireless.” Me: “Sir, the power is out, so the internet is also down.” Customer: “Yes, but my laptop still has batteries.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:19 pm Post #21656 |
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Acting Juvie-nile Retail | Culver City, CA, USA (While stocking the shelves I overhear a young boy from a few aisles over. He sounds very distressed.) Boy: “What?! Are you freaking kidding me? Nuh-uh! No way!” (The kid sounded like he was really in trouble, so my co-worker and I go to investigate. He is sitting in front of the back-to-school section with his mother.) Boy: “I have to go back to school!? What do you mean I have to go back?! I just got out!” |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:20 pm Post #21657 |
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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 4 Restaurant | Minneapolis, MN, USA (Three women in their early twenties come in. I ring up the first two, but the third woman’s credit card is denied.) Me: “I’m sorry, but your card had been denied.” Customer: “No, that cant be! There’s no way! Try it again!” (I swipe the card again, and it once more is denied.) Me: “It still came up as declined. Do you have another card I could try?” Customer: “No! This is stupid!” (One of her friends lend her cash to pay for her meal. As they fill their drinks at the pop machine I overhear her talking.) Customer: “That is so weird! My card was denied last week. Shouldn’t it be un-denied by now?” |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:20 pm Post #21658 |
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Higher Than A Helicopter Hardware Store | Massachusetts, USA Customer: “I need to make a copy of this key because the police need to use this one in an investigation.” Me: “Ma’am, this key is broken clean in half. I don’t think I can copy this.” Customer: “Well you see, the police are investigating into the helicopters and I need another key.” Me: “The helicopters?” Customer: “Yes, yes. They break into my car.” *picking up a flashlight from the checkout counter* “Oh! I wonder if this flashlight is helicopter proof.” Me: “Uh…I don’t know to be honest.” Customer: “Well. The helicopters always make things stop working suddenly.” (She clicks the flashlight on and off until suddenly it no longer turns on.) Customer: “Ah, there. Not helicopter proof. They’re in my veins, you know.” |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:21 pm Post #21659 |
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Eulogyology Bookstore | Lancaster, PA, USA Customer: “Excuse me, do you have an ‘ology’ section?” Me: “Are you looking for biology, psychology, sociology?” Customer: “No, just ‘ology’.” Me: “I’m not sure what that is. Maybe you could explain it to me?” Customer: “You know, speeches people give at funerals.” |
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| AWOLangel | Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:23 pm Post #21660 |
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DJ Freud, Featuring The Oedipus Complexes Drugstore | Houston, TX, USA (I work in the beauty department and a customer comes up to me). Customer: “I need a face wash for my son that will get rid of the semen on his face.” Me: “Excuse me?” Customer: “Are you deaf? He is too oily!” Me: “You mean sebum?” (The customer turns the brightest shade of red and runs out the store.) |
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