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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (68,968 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:57 pm Post #21141 |
 
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Human Rights Come First, Pal PETA representative: Excuse me, ma'am, do you have a minute for animal rights? NYU woman: I'm wearing leather boots. Do I look like I give a shit about animal rights? Panhandler: (applauds) NYU woman: (gives panhandler a quarter) --8th & University Overheard by: byron |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:57 pm Post #21142 |
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Plus I Had to Be Bedridden and Quarantined Every Time I Got My Period Old woman with husband, reminiscing: When I was younger I had an art degree from Cooper Union, had a fantastic graphic design job. I had a great career going for myself. And then guess what happened. 20-something girl: You got married? Old woman, shocked: No! How old do you think I am? That we're from the 1800s? (pause) Computers. That's what happened. --Times Square Overheard by: RCS |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:57 pm Post #21143 |
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She's a Proctologist, Betsy. Mother: What do you mean by "she's obsessed with him"? Five-year-old daughter: Cause she's all like...up his butt! --Staten Island Overheard by: Green Star |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:58 pm Post #21144 |
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Guess Which One's the Tortoise. Guy in full biking gear, streamlined helmet, on fancy racing bike: Up to 20 miles an hour, man! Guy delivering Thai food on bike held together with duct tape, keeping pace with him: Race you to the corner! --17th St b/w 7th & 8th |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:58 pm Post #21145 |
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Then He Took Out a SuperSoaker and Sprayed the Press Corps Black person #1: Did you see Obama's speech last night? Black person #2: No, what did he say? Black person #1: Someone asked if he knows how much debt he is putting us in, and he says "Listen, I'm not the motherf#cker that got us here." (they high five) --Barnes & Noble, Union Square |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:59 pm Post #21146 |
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Eyeore Is Misunderstood in Exactly the Same Way Falafel vendor: What're you, in a bad mood? Customer: No, I'm in a good mood. I'm always in a good mood. I'm just ugly. --168th & Ft. Washington |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:00 pm Post #21147 |
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Tyger Tyger? Ditzy blonde #1: How was your night? Ditzy blonde #2: It was good. I just saw a guy's face catch on fire! Ditzy blonde #1: Ohhhh! Ditzy blonde #2: It was crazy cuz I had just, like, used that same lighter and then it like, burnt his eyebrows off. Ditzy blonde #1: Ohhhh! Ditzy blonde #2: That's the third person I saw get burned in the face this week! Ditzy blonde #1: Ohhhh, no!. (silence as they eat pizza for a minute) Ditzy blonde #2: Speaking of which, do you know who else was burned in the face? --6th St & Ave A Overheard by: Ashley |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:00 pm Post #21148 |
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Jon Lovitz, Is That You Again? Girl #1: Oh my gosh. I have to pee so bad. Do you think this restaurant will let me use their bathroom? Girl #2: I don't know, why don't you ask? Hobo, sunbathing in front of restaurant: Why, of course you may use the bathroom, young lady. But you will have to pay $5. Girl #1: How do you know? Hobo: Because this is my restaurant and I own this building. Girl #2: I find that hard to believe. Hobo: Look, you can believe me or not, but if you don't pay me the $5 fee, I'm going to expose my golden privates to you. Either way, I come out on top, you see? Girl #2: Unbelievable! (walks away) Hobo: Why, thank you. --Times Square |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:00 pm Post #21149 |
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A Woman Whose Rides Are All Open, Honey Mom: We can go to Coney Island this summer. It's not closed, just some of the rides. Kid: Mom, what's a trophy wife? --1 Train |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:01 pm Post #21150 |
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Or Cut Out the Middle-Man and Just Use the Same Bath Products Construction worker #1, watching hot girl: She cuuuute! Construction worker #2: Yeah, I would just wanna smell her. --Bowery & 3rd Overheard by: Kyle |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:01 pm Post #21151 |
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So There's No Reason to Continue Holding in This Fart Old Asian lady to black man, in thick accent: You stay back! (clutches her purse) (white girl watching shakes head, laughs in disbelief) Black man: Oh, like you know what's up, white girl. White girl: Oh, I'm Jewish. She probably hates me, too. (pause, then sadly) Now the whole train probably hates me. --1 Train |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:01 pm Post #21152 |
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All-Male Focus Groups Are Fairly Straightforward Small child in Bebe's to mannequin wearing zippered skirt: Woo woo! Grandpa: Zippa zippa! --34th St & 6th Ave |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:02 pm Post #21153 |
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Mechanical Bull-Riding Can Be a Life-Changing Experience Young lisping female suit: It wath juth onthe, and it wath totally mechanical! Young non-lisping female suit: Well, at least it was something! --Wall St Platform Overheard by: Heather |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:02 pm Post #21154 |
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Raise Your Hand If You Still Know the Theme Song Tween #1: Susan Sarandon...why do I know that name? Tween #2: Wasn't she on Step by Step? Tween #1: Oh my god, I loved that show! --The Barrymore Theatre, where Susan Sarandon Stars in Exit The King |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:03 pm Post #21155 |
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Your Editors Want to Order Whatever He Had Starbucks employee: Sir, what is your name, so we can help you? Man lying on floor: Well, my first name is Neil, like Neil Sedaka, but I'm not him. My last name is Bolton, like Michael Bolton, but I'm also not him. My name is Neil Bolton. --Starbucks, Brooklyn Overheard by: Stina |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:04 pm Post #21156 |
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And Has Tons Of Those Cute Sailor Hats! Friend #1: So, you know his cousin? He's a strategic navigator in the Navy. Friend #2: Yeah? Friend #1: So, he's really good at connect four! --Brooklyn Museum Subway Station |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:04 pm Post #21157 |
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Wasn't That One Of the Garbage Pail Kids? Ranting teenager: Pregnancy hurts! I just don't understand why we can't just lay eggs like chickens. Random hobo: No one likes their babies sunny side up! --2nd Ave & 10th St |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:04 pm Post #21158 |
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Hasn't She Suffered Enough? Man: Aww...why are you grumpy? Woman: I'm not grumpy! I just don't like when you talk about getting head from Nancy Reagan! --St. John's Place, Park Slope Overheard by: Hunter |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:05 pm Post #21159 |
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When I Say "No Tracheotomy," I Mean It Woman #1: After that Oprah, I knew we needed to work at our problems. Woman #2: Good for you, good for you. Woman #1: Yeah, I was like "Nigg@, you better get up off me, take this knife off my throat, and use some motherf#ckin words." Woman #2: Girl. Just like Rihanna. --Escalator, Penn Station Overheard by: JHillary |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:08 pm Post #21160 |
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Ta-Tas Prove Nothing in This Neighborhood, Mon Ami Foreign girl #1 to lesbian entering ladies' room: I'm sorry, this is a ladies' room. Lesbian: I'm a woman. Foreign girl #1: Oh my god, I'm so sorry! That's the worst thing I've ever done! Foreign girl #2, coming out of stall: Wait, no. You're so not a woman! Lesbian: You wanna see the ta-tas? --Sidewalk Bar, 6th & Ave A |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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