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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (68,983 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:10 pm Post #20841 |
 
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Always Right, Even With Other Customers Supermarket | Leeds, UK (I’m a customer putting my groceries on the conveyor belt, and I realise I’ve forgotten one item. Half way through loading my stuff onto the conveyor, I stop, and sprint across the store to pick up this item. As I get back, two little old ladies have put a separator immediately behind my groceries.) Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not quite finished. I forgot an item.” Old lady: “Oh, it’s okay. I’ve just put this here.” *points at the separator* Me: “But I need more space for the rest of my groceries. Can you move your stuff back, please?” Till Assistant: “‘Scuse me, love, he’s not finished.” Old lady: “I KNOW! I’VE JUST PUT THIS HERE!” *points at the separator* Me & the till assistant: “Huh?” Old lady: “Oh, nevermind! We’ll go to another till! We can’t wait for HIM and HER to finish their rubbish!” *old lady storms off* (Seriously, WTF?) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:11 pm Post #20842 |
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Big Ticket Items Will Require A Goat Retail | Boston, MA, USA (It was late into my eight hour shift at a huge retail drugstore chain, and I was getting tired of dumb questions.) Customer: “Do you take credit cards here?” Me: “No, ma’am. We only take live chickens and large rocks.” (The customer actually had a sense of humor and started laughing, while my manager was laughing too hard to yell at me.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:11 pm Post #20843 |
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Montgomery Scott’s Early Days At The Copy Shop Copy Shop | Kalamazoo, MI, USA Customer: “My son is locked out of the house and I need to send him the key!” Me: “We can overnight the key and have it to him by 10:30am tomorrow morning. Shall we send the key to the neighbor’s house?” Customer: “No, he needs it right now! Why can’t I just fax it?” Me: “…Ma’am, you can’t fax a key.” Customer: “Why not? He’s locked out and needs the key!” Me: “Because a key is a three dimensional object, not a document.” (Customer stares at me.) Me: “Ma’am, is your fax machine in your house?” Customer: “Yes!” Me: “How will your son get into the house to get the key from the fax machine if he is locked out?” Customer: “D*mn it! You’re right! Well, thanks for your time!” Me: “I do what I can.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:12 pm Post #20844 |
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That’s Assuming If A Woodchuck Could Chuck Wood Call Center | Louisiana, USA (This was my last week at a very lousy sales job working for a major jewelry manufacturer that deals exclusively with jewelers on a screened account basis.) Me: “Thank you for calling *****. How can I help you?” Customer: “I need a price check on a diamond.” (We go through a drawn out process of finding the stone he wants, a large carat, high grade diamond. I quote him the price in the system.) Customer: “That can’t be right! That’s too expensive!” Me: “It’s the price I have in the system, sir. If you like, we can look for a different piece?” Customer: “NO! It has to be that one! Are you sure that’s the right price?” Me: “Yes, sir.” Customer: “Are you absolutely certain?” Me: “Absolutely, sir.” Customer: “And that’s in dollars, right?” (At this point, I’m fed up and not really concerned with whether I get fired or not at this point. I answer in my most sincere deadpan.) Me: “No, sir. That’s in woodchucks. We deal exclusively in fresh, live woodchucks.” (I hear a bark of laughter from one of the call monitoring agents on the next row, which gets even louder when the customer asks if I’m serious.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:14 pm Post #20845 |
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I Like My Italians Color-Coded, Too Liquor Store | Connecticut, USA Me: “Hi, how can I help you today, ma’am?” Lady: “Hi, yes. I’d like to get a bottle of wine for my neighbor.” Me: “Alright, what kind?” Lady: “Kind?” Me: “Yes, red or white?” Lady: “Oh, there are two kinds?” Me: “Well, there are more than two, but those are general groups.” Lady: “Oh, well, he’s Italian…I think…so we’ll go with Italian.” Me: “Alright, a red or a white Italian?” Lady: “Well, he’s kind of Tan, but I guess White.” Me: “Um…not your neighbor. The wine, ma’am?” Lady: “Oh…the Italian wines have groups too? I guess one of each…” (This was just the beginning, as I had to describe the fact that there are numerous Red and White wine varieties. You can imagine how that went.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:15 pm Post #20846 |
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The Pope Might Have Something To Say About That Novelty Shop | Virginia Beach, VA, USA Customer: “Sir, it is a sin to sell these Halloween decorations.” Me: “How else could folks get them?” Customer: “That’s not the point. Halloween is for Devil Worshippers.” Me: “No, it’s a Christian holiday, ushering in All Saints’ Day.” Customer: “No, that’s Catholic. I’m a Christian.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:15 pm Post #20847 |
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When In Doubt, Kick ‘Em Out Video Game Store | Inglewood, CA, USA (A customer comes in to a video game store, obviously angry.) Customer: “Hello, I’m here to return these two games.” (Hands me the two games and the receipt.) Customer: “For this game, I want my money back; for this DS game, I want a different game. It’s the same price so I don’t have to pay the difference.”" Me: “Okay, ma’am.” (I scan the receipt and fill out the return information.) Me: “Ma’am, your total will be $19.56.” Customer: “What?!?!?! Why is it going to be so much if it’s the same price as the other DS game?” Me: “Well, ma’am, you got this game for free.” Customer: “If I would’ve paid for it, it would have been the same price so I don’t owe nothing!” Me: “You didn’t pay anything for this game, so you won’t get anything back.” Customer: “But if I would’ve paid for it, it would’ve been the same price. Let me speak to your manager.” (I call my manager.) Manager: “Well ma’am, as my employee was saying, you didn’t pay anything for this game. Therefore, you will not get your money back for something you didn’t pay for.” Customer: “But if I would’ve paid for it–” Manager: “You paid nothing for this game.” Customer: “But if I would’ve paid–” Manager: “Get out of my store.” Customer: *walks out in a huff* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:16 pm Post #20848 |
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A Customer And A Blowtorch: This Cannot End Well retail | Prince George, BC, Canada (At our store, we sell mostly tool related items. At the time, I worked in the welding section, and was letting a customer try out a few welding. He was trying a MIG welder, which requires you to be quite close to the work.) Customer: “Why isn’t this working?” (Holds torch about three feet from work.) Me: “Well, you have to hold it about an inch away from the work for it to work.” Customer: “Why isn’t it working?” (He has it about a foot away now.) Me: “Closer…” Customer: (Six inches.) Me: “Closer…” Customer: (Three inches.) Me: “Closer…” Customer: “Why isn’t it working!” (He has just welded the torch to the work.) Me: “Not that close!!!!” (This goes on for a good 20 minutes, even after I ran a beautiful bead for him at the right distance.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 4:25 pm Post #20849 |
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from overheardeverywhere.com If Nothing Else, Straight Dudes Know How to Potty. Angry guy: No! We're going to go to the f#cking pisser, and then we're going to leave! (both start towards the bathroom). Friend: Wait, I don't have to piss, why am I coming with you? Angry guy: F#ck you, man! Friend: Seriously, why do you f#cking need my help? Medford, Oregon |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 4:26 pm Post #20850 |
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Our Mental Instability Is the Glue That Binds Our Friendship, Sadie. Purple-haired girl on swing: I love the swings. When I was a kid I used to just sit on them for hours, having panic attacks. Punk girl on swing: Holy f#ck, you too!? Bakersfield, California |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 4:26 pm Post #20851 |
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And Then Other Times I Vomit Drunk guy walking past mirror: Man, sometimes I see myself, and I make myself horny. Hanover College Hanover, Indiana Overheard by: Whitney |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 4:27 pm Post #20852 |
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See How Their Little Ice Caps Are Melting? Guy wearing Stanford shirt: Hey, look! Manatees! Friend: Those are polar bears. San Diego Zoo, California Overheard by: Dayum |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 4:27 pm Post #20853 |
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So I Hooked Up With His Friend Coed #1: So we're finally officially dating. I mean it's been, like, six months! Coed #2: Great! That's moving forward! Coed #1: Yeah. He said the first six months I was on "dating probation" and now I'm on "girlfriend probation." His friend got drunk at the bar and was all like "what, you haven't made her official yet?" so he's like, "you have my friend to thank for this." UNCG Greensboro, North Carolina Overheard by: Put him on boyfriend probation |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 4:27 pm Post #20854 |
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...With My Face Pasted on the Panther. Chick #1: I met him when I was taking my picture in to be framed. Chick #2: Was it a naked photo of you? Chick #1: It was a naked lady on a panther. Michigan Overheard by: Meister E |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 4:28 pm Post #20855 |
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That's Where I Got the Idea for the Woodland-Creatures Baseball League Girl to friend: So, I was just walkin' along and you know what that squirrel did? Friend: What? Girl: It threw a nut at my head! Southern Illinois |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 4:28 pm Post #20856 |
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It's Rare to Find a Young Man Who Thinks That Far Ahead Five-year-old boy: Hey, I got an idea! Let's get naked! Visiting adult friend: Yeah? And then what? Five-year-old boy: We'll sit in the street! Mason, Ohio Overheard by: Rachel |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 4:28 pm Post #20857 |
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...As Seen in the Porno Take, Eat, This Is My Booty? Asian teenage girl: Wait, so did Jesus ejaculate wine? Starbucks Red Bank, New Jersey |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 4:28 pm Post #20858 |
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Tonight, on Mystery Quote Theater... Girl #1: She defriended me! Girl #2: Well, that explains the shoes. Brown University Providence, Rhode Island |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 4:29 pm Post #20859 |
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And I've Been Looking to Trade Up Skanky 20-something girl: So the crack dealer who beat me up in the third grade keeps asking me for my number. Alterra Coffee Milwaukee, Wisconsin |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 4:29 pm Post #20860 |
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And He Prefers to Feel His Moon in My Seventh House Girl #1: I mean, there's condoms for free in the student center! Why don't you guys use protection?! Girl #2: Sigh. I don't know. I think because I'm a Gemini. Boston, Massachusetts Overheard by: Who has this conversation when I'm sitting right next to them? |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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