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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (68,984 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:22 pm Post #20821 |
 
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How Dorothy Does Her Shopping Department Store | Fort Worth, TX, USA (This happened during a tornado that crashed down just up the street from the store I worked in. The power went out, and one of the AC units had almost been ripped off the building. After a brief panic in which all customers and staff were shut in the tornado-shelter/assistant manager’s office, we employees locked down the building and started counting down registers, waiting until the storm had calmed down to let anyone go. It was raining, and the parking lot was actually flooding at this point.) Me: “Wouldn’t it be funny if someone came tearing in here, possessed with the desire to buy something? Because obviously, in the dark, during a tornado, this is the best time to beat crowds.” Norma (team lead): *laughs* “That’s mean.” (Not ten minutes later, standing by the glass front doors to watch the storm, we see a woman run across the four-lane highway outside, dodging between stopped cars. She tears across the parking lot, carrying her high heels in her hand, and stops to put them on before trying the doors to our building. She tugs, but they’re locked, so of course, she knocks. After a moment of amazement, our Ladies department manager Lara answers the door.) Lara: “Ma’am, we’re closed.” Woman: *panting* “Really?” Me: “Tornado took our power out.” Woman: “Are you really closed?” (By now, both the captive customers and the employees are exchanging glances. I look at Norma, who stares wide-eyed at the woman.) Lara: “There’s really no way we could ring you up for anything. We have no power.” Woman: “Oh, that’s too bad. I thought now would be a good time to get some shopping done! I’ll just go back to my car, then.” Lara: “Ma’am, there is torrential rain pouring down out there, and the wind is moving the cars.” Woman: “Well I can’t buy anything, why should I stay?” *leaves* (Though our policy states that we should try to detain people, we cannot legally do that, so Lara lets her go. I turn to Norma and say…) Me: “…didn’t I just tell that joke?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:22 pm Post #20822 |
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After The Tornado, Dorothy Never Was Quite The Same Optical | High Desert, CA, USA Me: “How can I help you?” Old Woman: “Well?” Me: “How can I help you?” Old Woman: “Are they here?” Me: “Are what here? Glasses? Contacts?” Old Woman: “MY GLASSES GOD D**N IT!” Me: “I’ll be happy to check. What is your last name?” Old Woman: “Dorothy.” Me: “Dorothy is your LAST name?” Old Woman: “Dorothy.” Me: “And your first name?” Old Woman: “Dorothy.” Me: “Okay, so your name is Dorothy Dorothy. Got it.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:23 pm Post #20823 |
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Golly Gee, I’m So Smrt Electronics Store | Cleveland, OH, USA Me: *notices woman walking into store* “How can I help you today?” Customer: “I see you have two DVDs for 10 dollars.” Me: “Actually ma’am, that sale ended yesterday.” Customer: “Well, I have to buy some for my son for Christmas, so maybe you can be a doll and ring them up for me for that price.” Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I can’t do that.” Customer: “Why not?” Me: “Because that sale ended yesterday.” Customer: “What difference is it to you the price you sell these DVD’s at?!” Me: “My job…” Customer: “How about it I give you $5.00?” Me: “…sure.” (I go and ring up the two DVDs, and take the woman’s money. With the five dollars she gave me, this adds up to the normal retail price so she’s saved nothing.) Me: “Have a happy holiday, ma’am.” Customer: *winks at me* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:49 pm Post #20824 |
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PEBCAK, Episode III Tech Support | Howell, MI, USA (I received a trouble ticket for an HP 930c Printer at our Ohio warehouse.) Me: “Hello, I hear you are having a problem with your printer.” Customer: “Yes, I changed the cartridge and it says that it’s still out of ink.” Me: “Ok, did you remove the blue tape before inserting the new print cartridge?” Customer: “Yep! Sure did!” (After literally two hours of model number and cartridge number verification and even installing new firmware on the printer among many other things…) Me: “Ok ma’am, can you take the ink cartridge out for me?” Customer: “Ok, it’s out.” Me: “Is there blue tape over the copper on the bottom of the cartridge?” Customer: “Yep.” Me: “Could you remove it and re-install the cartridge?” Customer: “Oh hey! It works!” (I’ve never wished more that I could slap people via telephony.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:49 pm Post #20825 |
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PEBCAK, Episode II Tech Support | Austin, TX, USA (We get a LOT of calls like this.) Him: “I locked myself out of my computer, and I can’t get in and I need to get in! My password doesn’t work!” Me: “Okay, we can do a password reset for you.” Him: “This is really important, I need to be able to log in!” Me: “Okay, sir, no problem. Can you just verify your login ID for me?” Him: *verifies* Me: “Okay, great. Now can you verify that your Caps Lock is not on?” Him: “What? That’s stupid, why would I…oh.” *silence* Me: “Sir?” Him: “…it just worked all of a sudden, thanks.” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:50 pm Post #20826 |
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Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard Tech Support Specialist | Buffalo, NY, USA (I had just started a new IT job for a large school district and was not expecting the level of stupidity I would be dealing with on a regular basis. Within my first 3 weeks, I receive a phone call from a school.) Clerk: “Hi, I am trying to use this new system on these computers and I attempting to make my account. My Principal got me started but now I am stuck.” Me: “What seems to be the problem?” Clerk: “Well, it is asking me for First Name and I have no idea what I am supposed to type.” Me: “You’re at the registration screen? Um…well I think you are supposed to enter your name.” Clerk: “Oh…okay…wait. No, it’s asking me for something else.” Me: “What now?” Clerk: “It says…last…name…what do I put here?” Me: “Probably your last name.” Clerk: “Oh, thanks…oh Jesus, now it’s asking for my phone number! What the hell am I suppose to put here! Why can’t I just do it the old fashioned way?” Me: “You mean pen and paper?” Clerk: “Yes! It was so much easier. These fancy computers are just so complicated. I never understand what I am suppose to do!” (I bit my tongue and just let her ramble on about how ‘First Name’ was such an incredibly hard concept to grasp.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:53 pm Post #20827 |
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Urine Way Over Your Head Bookstore | Durham, NC, USA (I was in the ladies room during a shift, wearing a skirt. This is key.) Woman, in stall next to mine: “You’re not wearing any pants!” (I ignore her, thinking she’s on the phone.) Woman: *starts banging on the wall between us* “You’re not wearing any pants!” Me: “…I’m…sorry?” Woman: “You! You’re not wearing any pants!” *bangs some more* Me: “And you know this how?” Woman: “I can see your legs! They’re bare! You’re not wearing any pants!” Me: “Ma’am, I’m wearing a *skirt*.” (The woman stops banging on the wall, and is completely silent. I never got to know what she thought of a woman wearing a skirt.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:54 pm Post #20828 |
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Thank You, Dr. Frankenstein Drug Store | Orlando, FL, USA (I was helping a regular customer who had wandered in–as he did daily–from the nursing home across the street.) Old Man: “You’re working again?” Me: “Yes, every day.” Old Man: “You know what? Every time I see you, there’s a big smile on your face.” Me: “What can I say, I love my job.” Old Man: “Yes, you have a wonderful smile. You’ll make a good looking corpse.” Me: “…” (He got a wide berth after that.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:56 pm Post #20829 |
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Always Right, Even When At The Wrong Store Auto Parts | Yorkshire, UK (I work in a motor factor (in America, an auto parts/accessories shop) which is on the same estate as a car workshop. Outside there is a huge sign for the workshop stating the things that they do e.g. brakes, exhausts, MOT testing etc.) Customer: “Hi, I’d like to book my car in for a five point service.” (Now, we do various easy-peasy checks e.g. oil, water, and we fit batteries, bulbs, radios etc, so often customers are often confused as to exactly what we do and do not do.) Me: “You mean the five point check? Just pull your car into the bay outside and I’ll be out in a minute.” Customer: “No, NO, I meant the service you have advertised outside! New brakes, oil change!” Me: “I think you’re confusing us with the garage next door. We’re just a motor factor.” Customer: “But you’ve got a sign outside!” Me: “Let’s have a look then…” (We look and the sign is for the garage next door, not our motor factor. I point out that our building has a completely different name outside it.) Customer: “That’s false advertising! Why can’t you do it?! I demand that I get a free service for the inconvenience you have caused me!” Me: “Sorry mate, we’re just a motor factor. I’d happily service my own car, but I’m not a mechanic, I’m a history student. If you’d like the five-point service, try the building with the same name as on the sign.” Customer: “This is ridiculous! I want YOU–” *stabs me in the chest with his finger* “–to service my car right now!” Me: “Okay, if you just follow me, and talk to that gentleman there–” *points at garage owner* “–I can service your car straight away.” Customer: *walks off swearing* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:00 pm Post #20830 |
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Hopefully, She’s Not Also Topless Call Center | Louisville, KY, USA (Working in tech support, I talk to some pretty dumb people every day. This was a particular highlight of the week.) Me: “Go ahead and check the icons in the bottom right hand corner of your screen for me.” Customer: “I have no bottom right.” Me: “Ma’am, everything has a bottom right.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:02 pm Post #20831 |
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Tonight At 11: Mom Coats Baby In Semigloss Face Painting | Maryland, USA (Two women walk up with their little babies, still young enough to be carried around wrapped in blankets.) Lady 1: “How much is face painting for the kids?” Me: “Three dollars, ma’am.” Lady #1: “Could you charge us less ‘cuz our kids are small?” Me: *looking for her kids, thinking she can’t possibly be referring to the babies* “How small are they?” Lady #1: “They’re babies!” Me: *eyes popping out* “Excuse me?” Lady #2: “We’re HOLDIN’ ‘EM! They’re babies!” Me: “Um, ma’am, I don’t think I can paint on your infants.” Lady# 2: “Well why NOT?” Me: “Because this is heavy professional paint. It says right on the label, ‘Not for use for children under three years.’ It’ll irritate their skin.” Lady #1: “So you won’t paint our babies?” Me: “No, ma’am. I can’t do that. It’s not safe.” Lady #1: “There ain’t no sign that says you won’t!” Me: “I should think that kinda goes without saying…” Lady #1: “So this means we waited in that line for NOTHING?” Lady #2: “Y’all should put up a sign or something that says you won’t face paint on babies, ‘cuz I thought that was y’alls job.” Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. I’ve been doing this for years and nobody’s ever tried to have an infant painted before so I never thought I’d have to mention it. It’s dangerous.” Lady #1: “Well that just ain’t fair! Damn, if I knew you wouldn’t do it, I wouldn’t've waited in that line!” Lady #2: “Y’all need to put up a sign or something! I thought this was for the KIDS–aren’t babies kids?” Me: “I’ve already explained–it’s dangerous. I won’t do it, and neither will any of my coworkers.” Lady #2: *as they’re both walking away* “That just ain’t fair. They should have a sign.” Me: “Have a nice afternoon, ladies!” (I found out later that, after I left, the women came back twice to different painters trying to get someone to face-paint on their infants. Both times, they were told the same thing.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:03 pm Post #20832 |
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Time To Moooove To Another Cowllege College Campus Administration | Missouri (For three years, my job was to deal with angry parents. I was very good at it. Most of the time.) Parent: *angrily* “I need to speak to someone about my daughter’s roommates!” Me: “Okay, ma’am, what seems to be the problem?” Parent: “Her roommates are awful to her! ” Me: “Okay. Can you detail the problems for me? The more specific you can be, the better we can help your daughter and her roommates settle their problems.” Parent: “They curse, and they play loud music, and they’re, well, they’re just not *like* us.” Me: “In what way are they not *like* you, ma’am?” Parent: “Well, they’re…farm people.” (Twenty seconds of absolute silence as I am, for once, thrown off my game. I’ve heard racial B.S. and religious B.S., but never *farm* B.S.) Parent: “Not that there’s anything wrong with farm people. It’s just that we’re not farm people.” (I’m still in shock. She keeps going.) Parent: I mean, farms are useful, but we’re from the city. My daughter grew up going to the theater and to museums.” Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you, as a kid from a farm myself, I’ve been to the theater and to museums. What we probably have here is a personality clash.” (There’s about a 10 second pause that just drips with uncomfortable.) Parent: “Perhaps I should speak to someone else.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:03 pm Post #20833 |
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The Lost And Take Whatever I Want Students Society | Norway Caller: “Hi, I lost my cellphone this weekend. I was wondering if you’d found it?” Me: “Well, maybe. What does it look like?” Caller: “It’s a black Nokia; orange on the sides.” Me: “I’m sorry, but your phone is not here.” Caller: “Oh. Well…can I come by and just, like, take another one?” Me: “Excuse me?” Caller: “Well, you know, since I’ve lost my phone and all, and it’s not like the phones you have is anyone’s property…” Me: “Ehm…well..how would you feel if I gave your phone away to someone else?” Caller: *silence* “Well that would be kinda rude.” Me: “Yes.” Caller: *more silence* *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:04 pm Post #20834 |
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An Unfortunate Choice Of Words tech support | Ontario, Canada (I worked for a large Internet service provider; customers are set up with an email address of their choice, over the phone. Someone obviously misheard her.) Me: “Thank you for calling high speed internet technical support. How can I help you?” Customer: “I can’t get my email.” Me: “I should be able to help with that … let me pull up your information and I will see what I can do for you.” Customer: “My email address is SweetyPetty@***.***.” (I pull up the customer’s info.) Me: “I see here that your email address is … SweatyTitties@***.***.” Customer: “WHAT! That’s not my email address! I demand it be changed now!” Me: *having entirely too much fun with policy* “Oh I can do that for you, ma’am, but if I do the email address SweatyTitties will be unavailable for 30 days. Are you sure you don’t want SweatyTitties?” Customer: “No, I don’t want SweatyTitties!” Me: “Okay, so I will delete SweatyTitties off your account and replace it with SweetyPetty.” (At this point, the other tech support people around me are laughing.) Customer: “YES, YES please get rid of SweatyTitties!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:05 pm Post #20835 |
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Kids Say The Truthiest Things Toy Store | Belgium (Santa was visiting our store, and every kid got a small bag of candy. Then this happened…) Santa: “Here you go, little boy!” Kid: “Thank you, Santa!” Mom: “Aren’t you forgetting anything?” Kid: “What, mommy?” Mom: “Ask Santa for another bag for your brother like I told you.” *looks at Santa* “He’s sick at home and couldn’t come.” Santa: “No problem!” *reaches for another bag* Kid: “But mommy, I don’t have a brother!” Mom: “…” Santa: *puts bag back* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:06 pm Post #20836 |
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Why (Good) Regulars Really Rock Retail Liquidator | Ontario, Canada (A man walks into the store with a broken appliance in a bag.) Customer: “Hi, I’ve had this for about a month now and it broke, so I want a refund.” Me: “Sir, we’re a liquidation store. All sales are final, but I can replace this item for you.” (A co-worker of mine grabs another one off the shelf and switches it for the customer.) Customer: “How do I know this one won’t break down in a month like the last one?” Me: “That’s the thing, we don’t know. If I had some kind of time acceleration chamber, we could put it in there, dial it up to one month from now and see how it’s doing.” Customer: “Pfft! So what am I supposed to do, take it home and use it for a month and come back if it doesn’t work?” Me: “Either that, or stay here for the next month.” Customer: “What about my gas money I spend coming back and forth?” Me: “Driving your car is a luxury, you could take the bus!” (At this point a line was forming behind the customer…and the customers in line were regulars who are always joking around with me.) Old Man: “I rode a horse here today!” Old Woman: “I rode a mule!” Customer: *takes his new product and storms out* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:06 pm Post #20837 |
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Methinks Thou Hast A Stick Up Thine Arse Retail | Salem, OR, USA (I’ve worked in a convenience store and a computer shop, and I’ve got a little joke about credit cards and a disarming smile and laugh that people seem to enjoy…but this once…) Customer: “Do you guys take credit cards?” Me, smiling: “Sure do, but we don’t give ‘em back.” Customer, very angry: “You’d g*dd*mn better give it back or I’ll have you arrested on the spot!” Me: “That was a joke …” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:08 pm Post #20838 |
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The Land Of Maple Leafed Savages Tech Support | Ontario, Canada Me: “Thank you for calling technical support. My name is ***, how can I help you? Customer: *distinct southern accent* “Where am I calling?” Me: “*** technical support. Are you having trouble with your internet, sir?” Customer: “I know that. I mean, what part of the world?” Me: “I’m in Canada, sir. Is there something I can help you with?” Customer: “Canada?! You have internet up in Canada?” Me, sarcastically: “Nope…just got radio, in fact I had to drive my dog sled into work. There was a horrible accident and I lost two dogs. It’s been a rough day.” Customer: “Oh…well, I want technical support from a country who actually has it.” *click* Supervisor monitoring calls: “You can’t be serious.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:09 pm Post #20839 |
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The Adventures Of Captain Obvious Multiple Submissions | Everywhere Me: “Would you like the 4-piece meal or the 6-piece meal?” Customer: “What’s the difference?” ——– Me: “Would you like the quarter pound classic burger or the half pound classic burger?” Customer: “Which one is bigger?” ——– Customer: “How big is the 6 inch?” ——– Customer: “How many come in a four-pack?” ——– Customer: “Is your Sunday special on Sundays only?” ——– Customer: “Does your turkey chic pea chili soup have beef in it?” ——– Customer: “What flavor is your vanilla ice cream?” ——– Customer: “What’s the difference between the lemon and the vanilla?” ——– Customer: “Hi, do you sell books here?” Me: “This is a bookstore, ma’am.” ——– Me: “Thank you for calling Pittsford Plaza Cinema, how may I help you?” Customer: “Yes, hello. Are you located in the Pittsford Plaza?” ——– Me: “Thank you for calling Saltgrass Steakhouse in Meyerland Plaza where our gift cards make great holiday stocking stuffers. How may I assist you?” Customer: “Hi, is this Saltgrass?” Me: “Yes.” Customer: “In Meyerland right?” Me: “Yes…” Customer: “Do you have giftcards?”‘ *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:09 pm Post #20840 |
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Everyone’s A Comedian Computer Sales | Richmond, VA, USA (A customer calls our store and asks about a computer.) Customer: “Hello, I was wondering how big the hard drives in y’all’s computers are?” Me: “Well the largest hard drive size we have is 1 terabyte. You can get four of those–” Customer: *cuts me off* “A terawhat? I’ve heard of a pterodactyl!” *screeches like a pterodactyl might have and hangs up the phone* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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