 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
|
| Spam; 2.0 | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (68,985 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:01 pm Post #20801 |
 
|
The Less They Know, The Better Retail | Ontario, Canada, USA (The customer decides to buy two children’s face towels, one for each child. They are $3.50 each, but you can get three for $7.00.) Me: “Just so you know, you can get three towels for $7.” Customer: “No thanks.” Me: “You are paying $7 anyway, since they’re $3.50 each…” Customer: “…” Me: “Essentially, if you buy two, you get a third one free!” Customer: “Free?” Me: “Yeah, one for yourself!” Customer: “I don’t want one!” Me: “Well, it’s an extra one for the kids, or you can give it away, or give it to me.” *I laugh lightly* Customer: “If I get three, I’ll have to get a fourth, or the kids will fight.” Me: “Ah, you can get a fourth one for only $2.33, because you get the discount if you buy three or more.” Customer: “But you said the third one is free!” Me: “It’s essentially free. When you get three or more, you’re actually paying $2.33 for each one, instead of $3.50. It works out the same.” Customer: “So I’m paying for it, even though it’s free?” Me: “The deal is actually three for $7, seven divided by three is $2.33; you end up paying only $2.33 for each one instead of $3.50.” Customer: “Whoa, so the first two are $3.50, the third one is free, and the fourth one is $2.33?” Me: “You could look at it that way, I guess…” Customer: “You guys have confusing prices, I’m getting a headache!” (The customer asks the kids if they want another one. They get excited and pick out two more. I scan them. Each one shows up at $3.50 each, but the computer discounts them automatically at the end). Customer: “Hey, they all scanned at $3.50!” Me: “Don’t worry, the discount is applied at the end.” Customer: “You’re trying to rip me off!” Me: “I’m not, see your subto–” Customer: “I’m never coming here again!” (The customer grabs the children, who start crying because they really wanted the face towels.) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
 |
 
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:01 pm Post #20802 |
|
At Least She Was Honest On-Site IT Service | Salt Lake City, UT, USA (I get a service call to go out to a customer’s house to service a malfunctioning laptop. I was talking to my boss and he gave me the run down of the call.) Me: “Alright, so what exactly does the customer want?” Supervisor: “She says her laptop isn’t turning on, and there might be something wrong with her LCD screen.” Me: “Ok, sounds like a hardware problem. Did she tell you why all this is going on?” Supervisor: “Well…she was completely honest with me.” Me: “?” Supervisor: “She got angry and threw it against a concrete wall in a fit of rage.” Me: “…I’ll take care of it.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:02 pm Post #20803 |
|
Fortunately, Stupidity Is Not Tax Deductible College | Houston, TX, USA (During a heated debate in my Sociology class about the pros and cons of immigration, the discussion turned to illegal immigration.) Student: “I pay my taxes. If I have to pay sales tax, I think they should too!” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:03 pm Post #20804 |
|
Tampax, Kayaks, Same Thing Outdoor Activities Center | Hill Country, TX, USA (I work at a place that provides kayaks, hiking/climbing gear, canoes, and inner tubes for students at our university.) Young Woman: “Hi, I need deodorant and a tampon.” Me: “Um, we don’t have those here.” Young Woman: “What do you mean?” Me: “This is the Outdoor Center. We provide outdoor recreational equipment for students.” Young Woman: “Well I’m a student, I’m outside, and I need deodorant and a tampon!” (About this time my co worker looks up with a look on her face of WTF?!) Me: “Yeah…those don’t come with kayaks or canoes.” Young Woman: “They should!” (I walk off to let my female coworker take over this one.) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:04 pm Post #20805 |
|
A Whale Of A Story Restaurant | Alaska, USA Tourist: “Are you from here?” Me: “Yes.” Tourist: “We are here to see the whales.” Me: “Oh, that sounds exciting.” Tourist: “So is there some little place known only to locals where you can watch the whales lay their eggs?” Me: *trying not to die laughing* “Um…yes there is, but we really aren’t supposed to tell the tourists.” Tourist: “Come on, please? We’ve come a long way. There’s big tip in it for you.” Me: “Well, okay. If you go down to the beach around 2am, make really loud whale calls and wave your arms around, it will make them feel welcome. They will swim up to you, dig a hole in the sand with their fins and lay their eggs.” (I always wondered if she went.) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:06 pm Post #20806 |
|
Step One: Stay Away From The Computer Tech Support | United Kingdom (I’m meeting a client’s boss face to face, after only contact via email thus far.) Client’s Boss: “So you are the guy sending technical emails to one of my teams!” Me: “Sorry, I don’t follow.” Client’s Boss: “You sent a bunch of emails filled with technical jargon when all they wanted was some help with their system.” Me: “It wasn’t technical, it was just a step by step guide on how to zip a file and send it via email. I checked it with my colleagues to make sure it was easy to understand.” Client’s Boss: “But the team wanted to save space on their server, not do programming. You have to understand that many of them are older and don’t understand how to use computers!” (So they don’t know how to use computers, and yet they use them everyday…scary.) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:09 pm Post #20807 |
|
Bird Brained, Part 2 Tour Guide | Santa Cruz, CA, USA (I had just finished giving a 45 minute tour about a certain “mysterious” spot that causes people to supposedly feel dizzy and stand at strange angles.) Tourist: “So do the birds feel the effects of the mystery?” Me: “Well they don’t appear to fly funny, but it’s possible.” Tourist: “…but do they FEEL the effects?” Me: “Well, I don’t really know because I can’t exactly ask them how they feel. They are birds.” Tourist: “I just wanna know if they feel the effects!” Me: “Hold on, I’ll go ask them.” *walks away* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:09 pm Post #20808 |
|
Bird Brained Call Center | Nottingham, UK Me: “Hello, telephone orders.” Customer: “Hi, I’ve just seen a bird in my back garden.” Me: “That’s very nice madam. Would you like to place an order?” Customer: “It’s kind of a black and white colour, and quite large…” Me: “Okay, Madam. Did you want to place an order with us today?” Customer: “What type of bird do you think it is? It’s very unusual.” Me: “Erm, I’m afraid I can’t help you Madam. I’m just a call center operative.” Customer: “But don’t you know about birds? Aren’t you the RSPB (Royal Society for the Protection of Birds)?” Me: “No Madam. We’re just a trading company.” Customer: “Well, my brochure says RSPB on it.” Me: “That’s correct. [But] we’re a trading company. We have lots of different charity catalogues. You actually need to call the RSPB Head Office.” Customer: “But it says on this catalogue that you are the RSPB. Surely you must be able to tell me what type of bird it is. It’s so pretty. Oh, oh, oh ….. oh dear, I thought it was going to fly off then. Stay little birdy. Don’t go away. Good birdy.” Me: “So would you like the number for the RSPB then?” Customer: “So who are you?” (This goes on and on and on, with intermittent monologue about what the bird is actually doing and what she’s fed it) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:10 pm Post #20809 |
|
Pepperoni And A Side Of Dentures, Please Pizza Shop | Oregon, USA Me: “[Pizza place], what can I get for you?” Customer: “I’d like a large cheese pizza.” Me: “Great. Anything else for you today?” Customer: “Um…yeah. Could you undercook that? Most of the people eating the pizza don’t have teeth.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:11 pm Post #20810 |
|
I Bet It’s Dying From Stupid Owneritis Cellphone Company | Sao Paulo, Brazil (I used to work at this cellphone carrier like Vodafone or Cingular and people usually messed up who they were talking to.) Me: “Good evening, who am I talking to?” Customer: “Please, call an ambulance!” Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We can’t make outgoing calls here. Not even for an ambulance. Please hang up and make the call.” Customer: “You don’t understand. I need an ambulance NOW!” Me: “I understand. But we can’t call it for you!” Customer: “Please help me! My cat is dying!” Me: “Your…what?” Customer: “My cat! He’s lying on the floor and making weird noises. He’s dying, I need an ambulance.” (I was never sure if this was a prank call cause the lady sounded pretty serious.) Me: “Well, ma’am, you really will have to call the vet yourself.” Customer: “No! I need an ambulance. You can’t refuse to help me like this. I’ll sue you!” Me: “…for what?” Customer: “For neglecting help to someone in need! You could have called an ambulance already!” Me: “You could too if you had just hang up and called somebody yourself, ma’am!” Customer: “Fine, but if my cat dies, I’ll call you back!” *click* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:12 pm Post #20811 |
|
No Pink Bunnies, But Plenty Of Jackasses Bookstore | Seattle, WA, USA (During Christmas season, our large bookstore gets awfully busy. The phone rings.) Me: “Hello, this is ***, how can I help you?” Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a book.” Me: “Sure, I can help you out. Do you know the title?” Customer: “Okay, so the book is about a bunny rabbit and I used to read it when I was a kid. It had a pink cover.” Me: “…do you know the title, maybe?” Customer: “Look, I’m very busy and I need this book for my kid. It’s about a bunny and the cover is pink. How many pink bunny books can there possibly be? Go look for it!” Me: “Sir, we have no option in our search system regarding book covers–” Customer: “Look. Go f***ing find it. I’m very busy!” Me: “Sure, let me put you on hold for a little bit.” *click* (Later, I found out that a customer came in looking for a pink bunny book and a ‘fruity sounding’ bookseller. I’m a girl.) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:12 pm Post #20812 |
|
I’ll Take A Schizo With Cheese Fast Food | Omaha, NE, USA Customer: “Hi, I’d like a churro.” Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve churros. For desserts we have caramel apple empanadas or cinnamon twists if you want to try one of those.” Customer: “No, I don’t want dessert! I want an enchilada!” Me: “You mean an enchirito?” (The customer pulls forward without saying anything. I ask a coworker to verify the order at the window because the guy wasn’t making sense.) Coworker at the window: “You ordered a beef enchirito, correct?” Customer: “NO! I wanted a gordita!” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:13 pm Post #20813 |
|
It’s A Telephone, Not a Teleporter Bank | United Kingdom (Customer calls in asking about her balance and bank charges. Just to emphasise this conversation take place over a telephone.) Me: “Your balance is *** amount into an unplanned overdraft but you have until 3pm tomorrow to credit your account and you’ll avoid any charges.” Her: “Hmmm, well I got some money but I won’t be able to get into my branch tomorrow. Can’t I just pay it in over the phone?” Me: “From another account?” Her: “No from the same account.” Me: “I’m not sure I understand, the account is overdrawn. You needs funds from another source.” Her: “I know, I have some from my account.” Me: “You mean cash?” Her: “Yeah could I do that?” Me: “No, you would have to go into your branch to pay that in.” Her: “I just said I can’t make it to my branch! Why can’t you just pay this in? You’re a bank aren’t you?!” Me: “Excuse me, but just how would you expect me to pay this money in?” (Silence, during which I would like to imagine she is looking at the money and the phone, trying to jam it in there or something.) Her: “But it’s from my account! Can’t you just take it off the overdraft!” Me: “I understand what you’re saying, but unless we invent a teleporter to transfer your money directly into your account it will be impossible for me to take a cash payment.” Her: “But I’ll be charged! If I get charges I want them refunded this is ridiculous! I can’t understand why you can’t just put my account in credit!” Me: *dying a little on the inside* “Me neither, me neither…” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:14 pm Post #20814 |
|
Playing Along, Part 2 Tech Support | Idaho, USA (I get a call for troubleshooting from a lady who says her remote doesn’t work.) Me: “Ok ma’am, could you try changing the channel for me? Tell me if a light flashes on the remote.” Lady: “Ok.” (There are a few loud beeps from her phone in my ear and she comes back on the line.) Lady: “Nope, no flashing.” Me: “Ma’am you’re trying to change the channel with your phone, not the remote control.” Lady: “I can’t find the clicker, and I know my neighbor changes channels with her phone.” Me: “Ma’am, that’s just not possible.” Lady: “Don’t accuse me of lying! I saw her do it with my own eyes.” Me: “…” (I try for 10 minutes to explain to her why she can’t use her phone, and even make a futile attempt to troubleshoot her phone.) Me: “Ok, well it looks like your satellite receiver isn’t compatible with your phone.” Lady: “Yes it is. My neighbor and I have the same phone and same receiver. NOW HELP ME, DUMBA**!” Me: “Ma’am, do you have a cordless phone?” Lady: “Yes!” Me: “Ok ma’am, let’s try reprogramming your phone. What I need you to do is press and hold the ‘off’ button for five seconds. This will clear the old code, so we can put the new one in.” Lady: “Ok—” *click* (I hear my supervisor a few rows away from me bust out laughing.) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:14 pm Post #20815 |
|
Playing Along Pizza | Portland, OR, USA Me: “Welcome to *** Pizza, how can I help you?” Customer (sincerely): “Do you have any Chinese food?” Me: “Errr…no.” Customer (still earnest): “Ohhh…really? What about Thai food?” Me: “Oh! Yes.” Customer: “Really?” Me: “No. Not really. Just pizza.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:15 pm Post #20816 |
|
Self Checkout Lanes: Asking For Trouble Grocery Store | Harrisburg, PA, USA (At the self checkout, a customer is waving a lime over the scanner.) Customer: “Why isn’t my lime scanning?” Me: “Produce items don’t have bar codes on them, ma’am.” Customer: “So?” Me: *facepalm* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:15 pm Post #20817 |
|
(Little Red Riding) In The ‘Hood Bookstore | Roanoke, VA, USA Me: “Hello ma’am, what can I do for you?” Woman: “Well, I’m looking for a book to get my daughter reading, but I’m not sure where to look.” Me: “Okay, what does your daughter like?” Woman: “She really likes ghosts…and gangs.” Me: “?” Woman: “Oh, she’s a gang member.” Me: “Um…” (A tiny, little white girl in a wife beater hops up to the desk.) Girl: “Yo, mama, you find me a d*mn book yet?” Me: “…true crime?” (So, I help them find a book about gang wars, because I guess that fits both stipulations and take them to the register. My manager is working the register and tells me that he used to be really good friends with the mother. After I tell him that she said her little girl was a gang member he tells me that “they both were always a little stupid.”) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:16 pm Post #20818 |
|
All Are Retail Slaves Retail | North Bay, ON, Canada (Note: I wasn’t actually an employee, I was just a regular customer walking around this store. A middle aged woman walks up to me.) Lady: “Excuse me, do you have any golf clubs?” Me: “Sorry, I don’t work here.” Lady: “But you look like you do…” Me: “Sorry, no…all the employees here have red vests and tags that say ***** ******* on them.” Lady: “But can you tell me where the golf clubs are?” Me: “No, I don’t even live in this town [which was true]. I am just looking around.” Lady: “Well, you’re no help. I might as well look in the other store.” *walks away in a huffy mood* Me, loudly: “MAYBE IF YOU PAID ME, I’D HELP!” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:16 pm Post #20819 |
|
[Insert Apple Joke Here] Tech Support | Minneapolis, MN, USA (Telephone technical support for a printer manufacturer.) Customer: “First of all, I’m a Mac tech, so I know what the hell I’m doing; let’s get that straight right away!” Me: “Ok.” (It turned out he needed to reinstall some fonts, so we got the installer started.) Customer: “It says, ‘Insert Disk One.’ What should I do?” Me: “Um, insert disk one…” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:20 pm Post #20820 |
|
Fatheaded Ice Cream Shop | Newton, MA, USA Customer: “What’s the difference between low-fat and non-fat yogurt?” Me: “Well, the low-fat has only a small amount of fat whereas the non-fat has none at all.” Customer: “What’s fat?” Me: “…” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · Matter Stream · Next Topic » |
| Track Topic · E-mail Topic |
 9:26 AM Jul 13
|
    
|
|
Theme by Sith of Outline
Hosted for free by ZetaBoards · Privacy Policy