 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (68,986 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:26 pm Post #20781 |
 
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The Broad Who Was Too Broad Bookstore | Pontiac, MI, USA Me: “Hi, can I help you find anything today?” Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for a book.” Me: “Great–any book in particular, or a specific genre? We’ve got a large selection, and are able to order almost any book from our warehouse if we don’t have it in stock.” Customer: “I just saw it on TV this morning, and I knew it would change my life.” Me: “Uh…ok, was it on Oprah?” Customer: “No, it was on that other show.” Me: “Okay, do you remember the title or author?” Customer: “NO! IT WAS ON THE TV!” Me: “It’s very difficult to look for a book without a title or author. Do you remember what it was about? Was it a religious book? We might be able to search the shelves.” Customer: “IT WAS ON THE TV THIS MORNING! GEEZ!” Me: “I understand that, ma’am. Can you give me anything that might help me help you find the book?” Customer: “Where is the book? I’d know it if I saw it. It’s got a red cover.” Me: “Well–tell you what. I’m not able to help you find it today, but feel free to look around.” Customer: “Why can’t you help me? IT WAS ON TV! DON’T YOU PEOPLE WATCH TV?!” Me: “Ma’am, I work in a bookstore. I like to READ.” Customer: “FINE! I’LL GO SOMEWHERE WHERE THEY KNOW WHAT I WANT!” (The customer storms off as my manager comes out and tells me she’s glad that I handled that; we both break into laughter.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:35 pm Post #20782 |
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Big Yellow Warning Bags Are Your Friend Gas Station | Ames, IA, USA (A girl pulls up to a gas pump. I’m watching her through the window from behind the cash register as she removes the OUT OF ORDER BAG placed over the pump (clearly marked, bright yellow bag) and throws it in the trash next to her. She plays around with it for a while and then walks toward the door.) Girl: “Your pumps aren’t working.” Me: “Go back outside, pull the bag that you just threw away out of the trash and read it. That should solve the problem.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:35 pm Post #20783 |
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One-Woman Wrecking Crew Gas Station | Olympia, WA, USA Woman: “I’ve been standing out there trying to pump gas for the last 10 minutes! Your @&$%*# gas pump is broken!” Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll go out with you and see what I can do.” (I see a bright red “Out of Order” bag on the nozzle; she had shoved everything into her tank, bag and all.) Me: “Yes, that pump is broken. You’ll need to pull up to another pump.” Woman: “Oh, well you guys should really mark it better. I wasted a lot of time here!” Me: “Um…yes, we usually put a traffic cone in front.” Woman: “Oh yeah…I saw it, but I didn’t know what it was for, so I just drove over it.” (The cone was wedged under her car.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:36 pm Post #20784 |
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Oh Noes, I Fails Restaurant | Capitola, CA, USA (I worked as a hostess in a not-particularly large restaurant…) Me: “Welcome to ****, how many in your party?” Man: “Two, but my wife will be meeting me in a few minutes. Can I just sit down now and then you can direct her to my table?” Me: “Of course.” (So about 30 minutes goes by and in that time about 20 people come in to be seated. None of them say that they’re meeting anyone. The man I seated earlier eventually comes up to me.) Man: “You failed me.” Me: “Excuse me, sir?” Man: “My wife has been sitting at a table across the room from me for the last twenty minutes because you didn’t direct her to my table!” Me: “Well I’m sorry sir, but if she didn’t tell me she was meeting anyone, I would have no way of knowing.” Man: “I gave you a job! You didn’t do it.” Me: “I’m sorry sir, but my job is to seat everyone who comes through this door. I didn’t ask every single female if they were your wife. I assumed she would either tell me she was meeting someone, or look around the room to see if you were there.” Man: “You assumed wrong! You FAILED me!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:36 pm Post #20785 |
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If You’re Gonna Be Off, Be Waaaay Off Car Spares | Lincoln, UK (A customer calls on the phone.) Me: “Hello how can I help?” Customer: “I need an air filter for my car.” Me: “Okay sir, what is the model of your car?” Customer: “It’s red.” Me: “Okay, so it is red, but what car model is it? Is it a ford or a fiat?” Customer: “It’s sort of big and red.” Me: “…I think you should come round to the store and show us the car you need the filter for.” Customer: “Are you saying I’m wrong? The customer is always right!” Me: “No, sir. I’m not saying you are wrong…” (After this, he hung up and parked his BLUE Audi outside the shop and said it was for that car.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:39 pm Post #20786 |
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Fun With Mistaken Identities Retail | Perth, Australia (I was a customer in a certain large toy store during Christmas and it was crowded. I’m on my lunch break, but still have the name tag on from my job. Note I am not in a uniform–I’m in jeans and a t-shirt. I get to where the queue is, and a woman accosts me.) Her: “It’s about time you opened another register! It’s disgraceful you keep us waiting like this, we’re busy people!” Me: “You know, you’re right. It IS disgraceful. I quit!” (I take off my badge before she realises I’m not an employee, and walk out of the store.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:39 pm Post #20787 |
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Proof That Men Will Say Anything Retail | Metrowest, MA, USA (I’m a lesbian who works in a seedy area of my town, and I’m hit on constantly by these really old guys, or crackheads…or drunks…) Drunk guy: “Hey…are you single?” Me: “Nope. Gay too.” Drunk guy: “Oh. So you like women?” Me: “Yep.” Drunk guy: “I can be a woman!” Me: “I have standards.” (The drunk man leaves, and my coworker nearly pees herself laughing.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:46 pm Post #20788 |
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Corporate To The Rescue Chocolate Shop | Dorset, UK (I work in a shop that sells nothing other than boxes of chocolate, in various shapes and sizes. A customer strolls into the shop holding a very expensive box.) Customer: *brandishing the box* “I want to return this.” Me: “Okay…could I ask you why?” Customer: “Chocolate’s too soft.” Me: “Excuse me?” Customer: “Chocolate’s too soft. Gimme refund.” (I should point out here that the customer was a male forty-something.) Me: “Maybe it was just the single chocolate that you tried?” (To my absolute horror, he opened the lid to reveal that every single last chocolate had been eaten. Both layers.) Customer: “See? Too soft. Want refund. Give me now.” (I was about to say something, though I’m not entirely sure what. Thankfully, the day was saved by another customer.) Customer 2: “You just ate all the chocolates..?” Customer 1: “Uh?” Customer 2: “Are you mentally retarded?” Customer 1: “Wha?” Customer 2: “How about you f**k off and leave this poor kid to do his job?” Customer 1: *suddenly talking normally* “I don’t think it’s any of your business–” Customer 2: “I do.” Customer 1: “Why!?” Customer 2: “Because I’m from Head Office.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:46 pm Post #20789 |
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Time For A Tenth Circle Of H*ll Supermarket | Australia (I was working checkout, in the express lane (15 items or less). A lady with a very full trolley comes up.) Lady: “Hi! Is this an express lane?” Me: “Yep. You might want to go through another–” Lady: *starts unloading stuff* “Good. I’m in a hurry.” Me: “?!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:47 pm Post #20790 |
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Granny Git Your Groove On Retail | Rohnert Park, CA Old Woman: “Excuse me sir…I need some batteries.” Me: “Of course. What kind do you need?” Old Woman: “I…I’m not sure.” Me: “Not a problem. What do you need the batteries for? I might be able to match them up to the product.” Old Woman: “…I need them for my ghetto blaster.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:47 pm Post #20791 |
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Virgin Galactic, Eat Your Heart Out Airline | Orlando, FL, USA (I’m a flight attendant, and was doing my pre-takeoff check in the cabin. A man stops me and gestures to the small digital camera sitting in the seat next to him.) Passenger: “Is it ok if my camera is here for the flight?” Me: “Sure, sir. That will be fine.” Passenger: “But shouldn’t I put it in the overhead bin?” Me: “It should be fine there, but if you’re worried about it falling on the floor during landing you could put it in the overhead bin.” Passenger: “But after takeoff, won’t it start floating around the cabin?” Me: “Well, sir, just hold on to it. Once we slingshot around the moon, it will be fine.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:49 pm Post #20792 |
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Virgin Galactic, Eat Your Heart Out Airline | Orlando, FL, USA (I’m a flight attendant, and was doing my pre-takeoff check in the cabin. A man stops me and gestures to the small digital camera sitting in the seat next to him.) Passenger: “Is it ok if my camera is here for the flight?” Me: “Sure, sir. That will be fine.” Passenger: “But shouldn’t I put it in the overhead bin?” Me: “It should be fine there, but if you’re worried about it falling on the floor during landing you could put it in the overhead bin.” Passenger: “But after takeoff, won’t it start floating around the cabin?” Me: “Well, sir, just hold on to it. Once we slingshot around the moon, it will be fine.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:50 pm Post #20793 |
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We Love You Too Florida, USA | Pizzeria (It was literally 3 minutes before closing time, and someone called us.) Drunk Customer: “Ehhhhhh hello?” Me: “Sir, we are at closing time.” Drunk Customer: “Oh… well, can I have a large cheese pizza and a cheeseburger?” Me: “Sir, it is closing time. We’re done for the day. And we don’t serve burgers.” Drunk Customer: “Okay, can you just…uuuhhhhh…make me a pizza really fast then?” Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we’re closing.” Drunk Customer: “COME ON! IT’S 10 PM, I’M HUNGRY, AND ALL I WANT IS A PIZZA!” Me: “Sir, it’s 10:01. We are closed.” Drunk Customer: *unusually calm* “Okay…I’ll go to McDonald’s.” Me: “Good night, sir.” Drunk Customer: “Good night…I love you…” *hangs up* (Quite frankly, it made my day.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:52 pm Post #20794 |
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…Or Look Under “C” For Clueless Plumber | Chicago, IL, USA Me: “*** Plumbing, how can I help you?” Customer: Yeah, do you guys clean ducts?” Me: “No, I’m sorry, we don’t do that.” Customer: “Then who does do it?” Me: “I’m not sure but you could probably find a duct cleaning company in the phonebook.” Customer: “Ok, how do I do that?” Me: “Open the phonebook…and look for duct cleaning.” Customer: “Ok, what do I look under?” Me: *bangs head on desk* “I’m guessing the letter D might be a start…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:52 pm Post #20795 |
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Shortest. Honeymoon. Ever. Clothing Store | Vancouver, BC, Canada (A woman approaches me at the cash desk and pulls out a pair of underwear to return.) Woman: “I’d like to return this.” Me: “I’m very sorry, but we cannot accept returns on intimate apparel.” Woman: “Why not? I haven’t worn it.” Me: “It’s against our company policy for health reasons.” Woman: “Well this is ridiculous! I bought these to wear on my honeymoon and I didn’t end up wearing them, so now they’re useless!” (The woman storms out of store, leaving the underwear on the counter.) Me: *wonders just what happened on the honeymoon* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:53 pm Post #20796 |
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Shortest. Honeymoon. Ever. Clothing Store | Vancouver, BC, Canada (A woman approaches me at the cash desk and pulls out a pair of underwear to return.) Woman: “I’d like to return this.” Me: “I’m very sorry, but we cannot accept returns on intimate apparel.” Woman: “Why not? I haven’t worn it.” Me: “It’s against our company policy for health reasons.” Woman: “Well this is ridiculous! I bought these to wear on my honeymoon and I didn’t end up wearing them, so now they’re useless!” (The woman storms out of store, leaving the underwear on the counter.) Me: *wonders just what happened on the honeymoon* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:54 pm Post #20797 |
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Shortest. Honeymoon. Ever. Clothing Store | Vancouver, BC, Canada (A woman approaches me at the cash desk and pulls out a pair of underwear to return.) Woman: “I’d like to return this.” Me: “I’m very sorry, but we cannot accept returns on intimate apparel.” Woman: “Why not? I haven’t worn it.” Me: “It’s against our company policy for health reasons.” Woman: “Well this is ridiculous! I bought these to wear on my honeymoon and I didn’t end up wearing them, so now they’re useless!” (The woman storms out of store, leaving the underwear on the counter.) Me: *wonders just what happened on the honeymoon* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:55 pm Post #20798 |
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Just Shut Up And Watch Your Movie Movie Theater | Northbrook, IL, USA (A customer walks up to the movie theater concession stand.) Me: “Hello, how can I help you?” Customer: “Yes, I’d like a cinnamon pretzel, please.” Me: “We don’t have any of those prepared right now, so it will be about five minutes. Is that ok?” Customer, pointing to the display case of pretzels: “Why can’t I have one of those?” Me: “Oh, those are just for display. They’re covered in chemicals and have been there for ages.” Customer: “So they’re not real pretzels?” Me: “No, they’re real pretzels, just not really edible.” Customer: “Well, you shouldn’t have them out if people can’t get them.” Me: “We put the display case out so people can see what they’re like.” Customer: “I still don’t understand why you have fake pretzels out instead of real ones.” Me: “Look, even if you could eat those pretzels, look at the case; there’s no way to open it!” Customer: “Fine. It still seems stupid to have fake pretzels.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:56 pm Post #20799 |
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A Simple Go To H*ll Would Have Sufficed Tech Support | Stillwater, OK, USA Me: “Thank you for calling *** Direct Sales. How may I help you?” Caller: “I need a power cord for my product.” Me: “I would be happy to place your order. I just need you to read me the three numbers from the front of the product.” Caller: “Talk to my wife, I can’t read…” (In the background, I overhear the following…) Caller: “Get on the phone!” Caller’s wife: “You are Satan! When spiritual warfare happens, I will have more angels on my side because you are evil and no one loves you!” (The wife then comes on the phone and very calmly gives me the number, her address, credit card info and then hangs up |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:59 pm Post #20800 |
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A Simple Hello Would Have Sufficed Tech Support | Amherst, MA, USA (I had just taken the client’s information and asked him what kind of issue he was having.) Him: “Well, I’ve been having some problems with my emai–” (I hear the guy pull the phone away from his mouth.) Him, yelling: “HEY, SHUT THE F*CK UP MOTHERF*CKER!” Someone else in the background: “NO, YOU’RE THE MOTHERF*CKER A**HOLE! YOU SHUT THE F*CK UP!” (After about ten seconds of silence the guy comes back on the line and continues describing his problem like nothing ever happened.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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