 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (68,987 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 5:56 pm Post #20761 |
 
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In That Case, Replace Them Daily Auto Mechanic Shop | Redwood City, CA, USA Customer: “Could you check my brakes and see if they are bad?” Coworker: “Of course. Which vehicle is yours?” Customer: “Oh, I walked here.” Coworker: “Ok, well we can’t check your brakes if the car isn’t here.” Customer: “I told you I walked here. I just want to know if I need new brakes.” Coworker: “I can’t tell you that unless I actually see the vehicle.” Customer: “Can’t you just tell me if I need new brakes for my car? It’s a Mercedes if that helps at all.” Coworker: “Like I said, I need to see the car to tell you if you need new brakes.” Customer: “OK, so can you tell me if my brakes are bad?” Me: “We physically need the car here in front of us so we can look at the brakes with our own eyes and determine if they are bad or not.” Customer: “It’s a Mercedes.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 5:57 pm Post #20762 |
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The Thing On The Thing With The Thing Retail | Woonsocket, RI, USA Me: “Thank you for calling ***. How can I direct your call?” Customer: “Do you have any of those things you can put on tables?” Me: “Like a table cloth?” Customer: “No. They’re those things you can put on tables.” Me: “Ma’am, you can put a lot of things on tables.” Customer: “Well I don’t know what they’re called! You’re the one who should know!” Me: *face on desk* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 5:58 pm Post #20763 |
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Shoulda Filled It With Apples Computer Store | Tampa, FL, USA Customer: “I want to return this computer.” Me: “Ok, I can help you with that. Where is it?” (The customer puts a badly damaged computer box on the counter. I open the box and find that it’s filled with oranges.) Me: “I’m sorry sir, I’m unable to accept this for return.” Customer: “When I opened the box, it was filled with oranges! I want my money back.” Me: “Can I see your receipt?” (The customer hands me a hand written receipt from a generic receipt book.) Me: “I’m sorry sir, this is not a store receipt. I’m unable to accept this.” Customer: “The guy I bought it from said he got it here for $99 dollars and if I didn’t like it, I could return it here. I want my money back, I got ripped off!” Me: “Sir, I apologize that you gave this guy your money, but it seems he gave you a box of oranges and a fake receipt. I’m unable to help you…” (At this point customer gets very loud and starts throwing oranges around the store. Someone calls the police and he is eventually arrested. To this day, I’m unsure if I should laugh or feel sorry for the guy.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 5:59 pm Post #20764 |
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If The Shoe Fits… Orthopedic Office | Santa Rosa, CA, USA Me: “Thank you for calling **** Orthopedic office. How can I help you?” Caller: “PUT MY DAUGHTER ON THE PHONE!” Me: “I’m sorry? This is **** Ortho–” Caller: “No it isn’t! Now put my daughter on the phone right now! She knows she isn’t supposed to have boys over!” Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I think you have the wrong number.” Caller: “NO I DON’T.” Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid–” Caller: “You better be! I’m on my way home RIGHT NOW and god help you if you’re still there!” (By this point we have several calls waiting to be answered. My supervisor signals me to transfer the call to them so I can get back to my job.) Me: “Ma’am, I assure you this is a medical office. Would you like to speak to my supervisor?” Caller: *dripping with sarcasm* “Oh suuuure! Put me through to your supervisor!” Supervisor: “Thank you for calling **** Orthopedics, how can I help you?” Caller: “WHAT?! WHO ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE?!” (It took several minutes for my supervisor to get the woman off the phone, after which she called three more times…) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:00 pm Post #20765 |
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Yeah, But Our Delhis Come With Salami Tech Support | Mount Laurel, NJ, USA (Please note that I have a rather generic first name for the US, generic like, say, John or Mike.) Me: “Thank you for calling ******* Tech Shop, ***** speaking. Can I help you?” Irate customer: “Can I speak to a f**king American?” Me: “Last time I checked, I’m an American. Can I help you?” Customer: “Oh yeah? Well where are you!?” Me: “Mount Laurel, New Jersey–in the store you called.” Customer: “That sounds like it’s in India.” Me: “Unless New Jersey has moved recently, we’re part of the US…” Customer: “Just let me speak to an American, d**n it!” Me: “Yes sir, please hold.” (At this point I transferred him to the Wilmington, DE store, as we do with many of our irate customers.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:04 pm Post #20766 |
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Conscience: We Loves It Retail | Madison, WI, USA (Background story: This is around Halloween, and Halloween parties in Madison is THE biggest event of the year. My store had many Halloween costumes and other Halloween-related products during that time. I was at my cash register for check-out when a customer came to me.) Customer: “Hi. Uhh… I’d like to buy these.” (The customer puts down a wig, make-ups, a pantyhose, condoms, and lubes on my register.) Me: “Ok.” *starts scanning* Customer: “…” Me: *still scanning* Customer: “DON’T JUDGE ME!!!!” *runs out* Me: “!?!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:04 pm Post #20767 |
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Time To Move The Bodies In The Backyard Dog Trainer | Northern California, USA Dog Owner: “Yeah, my Golden Retriever keeps bringing things back to me. Do you know why?” Trainer: “Well, ma’am, what’s the second word in the breed’s name?” Owner: “Uh…retriever?” Trainer: “That would be why.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:10 pm Post #20768 |
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Note To Self: Stop Wearing Ninja Outfit To Work Arts and Crafts | Mission Viejo, CA, USA Customer: “Excuse me sir, where are the Exacto knives?” Me: “They’re on aisle 24, ma’am.” Customer: “Thank you, you do seem like someone who would know where the knives are.” *walks off* Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:10 pm Post #20769 |
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How About A Side Of Hypocrisy Fast Food | Charlottesville, VA, USA Me: *preparing a gyro wrap for a customer* “Would you like cheese on it?” Customer: “Oh my God, no! I’m a VEGAN! Don’t you know what they do to cows in those horrible farms? They force them to get pregnant all the time, and then they take away their babies and kill them so we humans can steal their milk! Dairy products are cruelty! ” Me: “Okay, okay. No cheese. Moving along. What sauces would you like on that?” Customer: “Tzatziki sauce, please.” (Note: the particular brand of tzatziki we purchased included both yogurt and sour cream.) Me: “Ah, I’m afraid that’s a dairy prod–” Customer: “I DON’T CARE! PUT IT ON!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:11 pm Post #20770 |
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When All Else Fails, Use Big Words Tech Support | Huntsville, AL, USA (I had a call from an elderly client who was having issues with her satellite receiver. After troubleshooting the issue as much as we possibly could I informed the customer that I’d need to send out a new receiver.) Me: “Okay, so we’ll simply ship that out. I can overnight that and have it to you first thing tomorrow morning.” Customer: “Tomorrow!?!? I need it RIGHT NOW!” Me: “I understand where you’re coming from, but there’s no way for me to possibly do that.” Customer: “HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE 70 YEARS OLD AND CONFINED TO YOUR HOUSE WHERE YOUR ONLY SOURCE OF ENTERTAINMENT IS THE TV!?!?” Me: “I do apologize for your current plight, but unfortunately we currently lack the technology to transmogrify things through space and time. With that in mind we are, unfortunately, required to use the most current means of shipping. That being FedEx. Would you like that at 9 in the morning or 10?” Customer, after a brief pause: “10. Thank you.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:14 pm Post #20771 |
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When All Else Fails, Rephrase Ticket Sales | Las Vegas, NV, USA (I’m selling tickets to a show of the High School Musical Tour.) Customer: “I already have tickets; I just need meet and greet passes for my two girls.” Me: “I’m sorry, you have to get those from the PR people in the show.” Customer: “I only need two, though.” Me: “I understand, but we do not physically have any meet and greet passes here. You can only get them from the show.” Customer: *snooty* “I’m from Summerlin, though.” (Summerlin is an upscale, high class part of Las Vegas.) Me: “Let me talk to my manager.” (I walk to the back, count to ten and come back out.) Me: “My manager said if you go into the show and talk to the PR people, they should have some for you.” Customer: “Thank you!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:14 pm Post #20772 |
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Two Words, Both Rhyme With Celebrate retail | Rohnert Park, CA Me: “Anything else I can get for you today?” Female Customer: “Oh yeah! I need batteries?” Customer’s Boyfriend: “What do you need batteries for?” Female Customer: “I just need batteries, ok?” Me: “D Cells?” Female Customer: “Yeah…” Customer’s Boyfriend: “But really, what do you need batteries for?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:16 pm Post #20773 |
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Fat, Dumb Fingers Normal Citizen | Chapel Hill, NC, USA (I was sitting at home watching TV. My phone number ends with, let’s say, -1269. The phone number for the bakery ends with -1296. I am constantly getting called by people who think I’m that bakery.) Me: “Hello?” Dude: “I need the bakery.” Me: “I think you have the wrong number.” Dude: “Oh, sorry.” (He hangs up. Brief pause. Phone rings.) Me: “Hello?” Same Dude: “Can I get the bakery?” Me: “You have the wrong number.” (Dude hangs up. Phone rings.) Me: “Hello?” Same Dude: “I need the bakery.” Me: “I think you should check the number…I don’t have a bakery department.” Same Dude: “Well, you did this morning!” Me: “I meant I’m not [bakery]. I’m just a person sitting at home.” (Dude hangs up. Phone rings AGAIN. I glance skeptically at it and finally go over. I don’t say anything.) Same Dude: “Hello?” Me: *click* (He called eight more times that evening. Eventually I just told him we were closed.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:17 pm Post #20774 |
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She Also Has A Cape That Lets Her Fly Bank | San Francisco, CA, USA (We have a female customer who is a regular but definitely has some kind of mental issues. On every visit to our branch she also uses the safe deposit box.) Customer: “Excuse me, there’s something wrong with my safe deposit box.” Me: “Oh, I’m terribly sorry ma’am. What is the problem so we can rectify it for you?” Customer: “Every time I visit my safe deposit box I find things that I never put there. Someone has been taking things in and out of my box!” Me: “I assure you that this is not possible because every box requires two keys in order to open. You have one side and the bank retains the other. Only you have the issued keys.” Customer: “I know you are lying. I know you have a key that opens very box because one time a friend of mine gave me a key to the city and I went around opening all the doors.” Me: “Ok…I’m going to have to refer you to my manager.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:17 pm Post #20775 |
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Comic Book Guy’s Alter Ego Grocery Store | Norwalk, CT, USA Man: *in a terrible French accent* “Ha-ha! I am the Butterfinger Crisp Bandit!” Me: “That’s nice.” Man: “May the Butterfinger Crisp Bandit get these for free?” Me: “Um…no.” Man: “Why not? I am the Butterfinger Crisp Bandit! I should always get them for free!” Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t give these to you for free. Two dollars.” Man: “Why the h*ll not?” Me: “Because I could lose my job.” (The man growls, and sluggishly hands over two dollars.) Man: “The Butterfinger Crisp Bandit should not have to pay, but he will…this time…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:18 pm Post #20776 |
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Like Comic Book Guy, Except Much Prettier Comic/Card Shop | Missouri, USA (Background: I’m the only female employee at the comic/card shop, and I was hired for my comic knowledge.) Customer, to my male co-worker: “Did Booster Gold have a series before the new series?” (Male coworker looks to me because he’s the card guy.) Me: “Yeah. Early nineties. We’ve got a couple of back issues in the dollar box.” Customer, to my male coworker: “So you guys have it?” Coworker: “If she says we have it, we have it.” Customer, finally looking at me: “Oh, you know about comics?” Me: “That’s why they hired me.” Customer: “But you’re a girl!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:23 pm Post #20777 |
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A Case Of The Computer Cooties Software Company | Dublin, Ireland (The office downstairs sometimes calls up to us for tech support. They’re not too great with computers.) Guy from downstairs: “I think one of the computers has a virus.” Me: “Ok, which one?” Guy: “The one in the middle of the office.” (This seems strange, as I remember that they don’t have any computers in the middle of the room.) Me: “Have you moved the computers recently?” Guy: “Yeah, we put it in the middle of the office so the other computers wouldn’t catch the virus!” (I went downstairs and a disconnected desktop stands in all its glory in the middle of the room. It didn’t have a virus.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:23 pm Post #20778 |
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As Long As It Runs On Unleaded Well Driller | Sedona, AZ, USA (At a “compound” for a “New Age” cult, we needed to replace the pump in their well. In order to get our truck close enough to the well we had to have them move one of their vehicles.) Me: “Excuse me, I’m going to need you to move that suburban over there.” Lady: “Ok, no problem.” (She goes outside and yells at one of her people working on the yard.) Lady: “Jebidyah, could you please get the keys and move the Starship?” Jebidyah: “Sure thing!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:24 pm Post #20779 |
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Military Intelligence, Part 2 Tech Support | Huntsville, AL, USA (We had a notice from one of the Nevada affiliates that Las Vegas residents would be suffering from a network outage due to a problem with their broadcasting equipment.) Customer: “I think someone is standing next to your satellite with a ham radio. You need to run out and get them to stop.” Me: “I’m sorry sir, but that’s not the problem–” Customer: “I will have you know, son, I am a Gunnery Sergeant. I’ve worked with Hand Operated Radios for years and I’m telling you RIGHT NOW…there is someone standing next to your satellite with a d*** radio and it’s interfering with my signal. I demand you to get out there and tell them to stop.” Me: “Far be it from me to ever argue with my clients, but I will have to at this time. I understand that you’re a Gunny Sergeant and that you’ve operated HAM radios for years, but I know my satellite equipment, and it’s not possible for someone to be standing next to my satellite with a radio.” Customer: “Oh? Really, smart man? Why is that?” Me: “Because our satellites are in outer space. Furthermore Las Vegas has an outage going on due to a technical issue with their broadcasting equipment.” Customer: “Oh. Okay.” *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:25 pm Post #20780 |
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Military Intelligence USMC (troubleshooter for f-18 jets) | MCAS Miramar, San Diego, CA, USA Me: “Okay sir, can you hear me?” Pilot: “Loud and clear. Okay, I have a problem with my radar…it won’t test and nothing is coming up in the O-F-F position.” Me: “Well, sir, turn it to the O-N position and let me know how things work out.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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