 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
|
| Spam; 2.0 | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (68,989 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 13, 2009 8:20 pm Post #20721 |
 
|
Songs In The Key Of Clueless Music Store | North Carolina, USA (A customer walks in with a saxophone case, looking very worried.) Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?” Customer: “I want to sell my violin, it’s in great condition.” Me: “Certainly, can I see the violin please?” Customer: “Yes, sure.” (At this point he opens up the sax case and places a nearly new tenor sax on the table.) Me: “Uh, sir, that’s a saxophone, not a violin.” Customer: “No, no, it’s a violin. I’m sure of it.” Me: “Sir, I’m telling you it’s a saxophone. A violin has strings, and a bow.” Customer: “No. It’s a violin. You think I don’t know a violin when I see one?” (The argument continues in this fashion for another 5-10 minutes.) Me: “Sir, are you still trading this instrument in? We can sort this out later.” Customer: “…what’s an instrument?” Me: *face palm* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
 |
 
|
| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 13, 2009 8:20 pm Post #20722 |
|
Becoming Familiar With Fiber Grocery Store | Texas, USA (My dad was standing in an express line at the grocery store. In front of him was a well-to-do-looking woman, who clearly had several more items than the limit.) Dad: “You know, it’s amazing that someone who is apparently so successful can’t read.” Woman: *in a huff* “That sign’s for regular people, not for me!” (An old man behind my dad taps him on the shoulder.) Old man: “Here, give her this.” (My dad hands it to the woman.) Woman: “What’s this?” Old man: “Metamucil. It’ll make you regular.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 13, 2009 8:21 pm Post #20723 |
|
Used To Be That A Few Cans Tied Together Got You Online Call Center | Ottawa, Ontario, Canada Caller: “I noticed I have a data block on my phone.” Me: “Yes sir, that’s correct.” Caller: “Will it stop the Internet?” Me: “Yes sir, it blocks all incoming and outgoing kilobytes to the phone. This does include the prevention of Internet usage.” Caller: “Kilobytes?” Me: “It’s a measurement of data, sir.” Caller: “Well, I want to keep my Internet!” Me: “Then I’ll be more than happy to remove the blo–” Caller: “But I want to keep my block too!” Me: “Sir, the data block stops all incoming and outgoing data to your device. Since the Internet is made of data, it’ll get blocked too.” Caller: “Since when did the Internet start being made out of data and kilobytes?” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 13, 2009 8:21 pm Post #20724 |
|
1-800-KRYPTON Call Center | San Francisco, CA, USA Me: “Dispatch, how may I help you?” Caller: “Yes, I have an alarm going off.” Me: “Okay, do you happen to have an account number?” Caller: “No, I moved into this house five years ago and inherited the alarm system.” Me: “Alright, address?” Caller: *gives address* Me: “Sir, I didn’t receive any notifications. Can you hold for a few minutes while I confirm with our other station?” Caller: “I guess…” (I call our other station, they tell me they have no record of the alarm.) Me: “Sir?” Caller: “Yes, yes, what?!” Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Is the alarm still going off?” Caller: “Yes, can’t you hear? Listen, I am a very important lawyer and I demand you turn this alarm off!” Me: “Sir, our alarms reset in ten–” Caller: “No, you listen to me, you little s***! I’d better not miss my meetings because you can’t turn off this alarm!” (I hear the alarm getting louder and I’m pretty sure he can’t hear me, so…) Me: “SON OF JOR-EL! KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!” (The alarm in the background shuts off.) Caller: “Oh wow! Thank you! Thank you so much!” Me: “No problem, sir!” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 13, 2009 8:22 pm Post #20725 |
|
A Very Loose-Knit Family Restaurant | San Diego, CA, USA (I call a man from our waiting list and begin to take him to his table.) Customer: “Wait, I’m going to eating with my wife and daughter. How are they going to find me?” Me: “Oh, we have your name from the list, sir. We can send them on back when they arrive.” Customer: “How are they going to know my name?” Me: “Your wife and daughter don’t know your name?” Customer: “No!” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 13, 2009 8:22 pm Post #20726 |
|
A Lesson In Latte Linguistics Coffee Shop | Tampa, FL, USA Customer: “I’d like a GRAHN-DAY coffee. ” Me: “Anything else sir?” Customer: “This isn’t a grande!” Me: “You’re ordering using our competitor’s terms, sir. Their grande is our medium.” Customer: “Grande! Grande! BIG! Don’t you speak Spanish?!” Me: “Si señor, hablo español. Quiere algo más?” Customer: “Huh?” Me: “Didn’t you just ask if I spoke Spanish?” Customer: “Whatever!” *pays for coffee and leaves* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 13, 2009 8:23 pm Post #20727 |
|
The Devil Is In The Ridiculous Details Bookstore | Gainesville, FL, USA (Two female customers are purchasing coffees and breath mints at the cafe in the bookstore.) Me: “Your total is $6.66.” Customer 1: *looking horrified* “NO! I don’t want my total to be $6.66! Let me add something else…” (She starts combing the gum shelves for a flavor she wants.) Customer 2: *patting friend consolingly* “No, don’t worry about it. You only have to worry about it if $6.66 is the amount of change you get BACK.” Customer 1: “OH, okay!” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 13, 2009 8:23 pm Post #20728 |
|
Do As I Yell, Not As I Do Retail | New York, USA Me: “Do you have a store credit account?” Customer: “No.” Me: “Would you like to open one? You’ll get 15% off your purchase today and–” Customer: “NO. I don’t open up useless credit accounts. You wonder why people are in debt all the time, it’s because they open up s*** like this. You should be ashamed of yourself.” Me: *silently rings up the rest of her purchase* “And how would you like to pay for this?” Customer: “Oh, I’m going to put it on my store credit account.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Sun Jun 14, 2009 5:59 pm Post #20729 |
|
Sometimes They Travel In Packs Bakery | Australia (I had just arrived and was beginning my shift, when a teenage girl approached the counter.) Customer: “Hi…do you guys sell bread?” Me: “Yes we do, anything you’re looking for in particular?” Customer: “Yeah…” Me: “Which is?” Customer: “White bread.” Me: “We have several kinds of white bread, what kind would you like?” Customer: “Oh…whatever.” Me: *grabs the most expensive white bread* “Sliced?” Customer: “Yep.” Me: “Thick or thin?” Customer: “Oh…thick.” Me: *slices bread and rings everything up* “That’ll be $5.50.” Customer: “Is it too late to get that thin-sliced?” Me: “…I could get another loaf for you.” Customer: “Oh…nah, I wouldn’t want to be a bother.” Me: *hands her her change and her bread* “Have a nice day.” (She leaves, and a clearly intoxicated man walks over to my co-worker.) Man: “I LIKE YOUR BUNS!” (He swears loudly and walks away.) Co-worker: “It’s gonna be a long day.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 3:58 pm Post #20730 |
|
Definitely Not In The Job Description Pizza Delivery | Chilliwack, BC, Canada Me: “Thanks for calling [pizza place]. How may I help you?” Caller: “Yes, I would like…” *places order as usual* Me: “Okay, is there anything else I can do for you?” Caller: “Yes! When the driver arrives, could you tell him these instructions?” Me: “Okay. I’ll be your driver, by the way.” Caller: “Alright. First, I want you to knock on the window 3 times, then yell like a Wookie. Then knock 2 more times and make alien noises.” Me: “Alien…noises?” Caller: “You know the ‘click’ and stuff. Like in the movie…uhh, what movie is that again?” Me: “You mean Signs?” Caller: “Yeah! That’s the one. Okay, so after you does that, knock three more times and then yell, ‘PLANKTON!’” Me: “Anything else?” Caller: “Oh yeah, do you have any lingerie?” Me: “Not on me…” Caller: “Oh, well you should drive home and then find some, and wear that to the door.” Me: “Okay, is that all, ma’am?” Caller: “Yeah, but don’t forget the lingerie!” (I decide to go along with the caller’s request, put on some shorts, and roll the legs up so it’s similar to a Speedo. Half an hour later, I arrive at their door. The entire party comes outside to watch my show of knocks and clicks, and then poses with me to take pictures. I got a $15 tip, too!) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 3:59 pm Post #20731 |
|
Fighting Fake With Fake Gas Station | Boulder, CO, USA (A customer walks into the gas station and picks up a plastic 21 oz. bottle of water.) Me: “Will that be all for you today?” (The customer then holds it like he wants to hit me with it.) Customer: “Give me all your money! This is a stickup!” Me: “You’re trying to hold me up with a bottle of water?!” Customer: “GIVE IT!” (I pretend to press the silent alarm.) Customer: “S***! The cops!” *runs off, dropping the bottle of water on his way out* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 4:00 pm Post #20732 |
|
Open Sesame (Bun) Retailer | Omaha, NE, USA (I’m collecting carts from the parking lot. A woman abandons her cart near her car, so I go to pick it up. Note that she’s also munching on some bread.) Customer: “Oh! I think I locked my keys in the car.” Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Please feel free to come inside and use the phone to call a locksmith or someone that can bring you another key.” Customer: “Look! The window is open just a little.” Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t help you get into the vehicle unless you are able to prove that it’s yours. I’d recommend calling a locksmith because that opening seems too small.” Customer: *ignores me* “Maybe if I can just get something in?” (The woman rips a piece of bread off the loaf she is eating and stuffs it in through the car window.) Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know how that is going to help.” Customer: “I thought…maybe if I could just get something in there?” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 4:00 pm Post #20733 |
|
An Offering To The Literary Gods Library | Melbourne, Australia (I’m sitting at the reference desk when a lady walks in with a beautiful bouquet in one hand, a bag full of freshly-baked loaves of bread in the other, and a ferocious scowl on her face. She comes to the desk and slams down the flowers.) Lady: *growls* “Flowers for librarians!” (She slams down the bread, then growls again.) Lady: “Bread for librarians!” (She then puts both hands on the desk and leans forward.) Lady: *snarling* “Now find me a book!” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 4:00 pm Post #20734 |
|
Stop The Presses Theater | Wroclaw, Poland (I was working on the theater’s ticket-selling system. It printed every ticket using a thermal printer, on paper that gets black in spots where it is heated. A customer comes in with a completely black ticket.) Customer: “I want this ticket replaced! What kind of tickets do you sell?! I can’t see anything on it!” Me: “I’m sure we didn’t give you this ticket in this poor state. What happened to it?” Customer: “It got all bent in my purse and looked ugly, so I ironed it.” Me: “But ma’am, this ticket is printed on a thermal paper. It gets black when heated, so–” Customer: “You should’ve warned me that I can’t iron the ticket!” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 4:01 pm Post #20735 |
|
Once You Go Front-Load, You Never Go Back Retail | Ithaca, NY, USA (I sell home appliances at a national store chain. I’m talking to a married couple interested in a washer and dryer.) Me: “So this is one of our top-rated washers in terms of reliability, price, and capacity.” Wife: “Does it come in other colors?” Me: “Yes. You’ll notice on the sign here, there’s a listing of the colors available and the price difference, if any. So, for instance, this machine also comes in another color.” Husband: “I bet that machine has a much bigger capacity.” Wife: “Ugh, why is it always about sex with you?” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 4:02 pm Post #20736 |
|
He’s Ho-Ho-Home For the Holidays Retail | Chillicothe, OH, USA (A customer comes up to us shortly after our mall Santa has finished for the season.) Customer #1: “Hey, is Santa here?” Me: “No, yesterday was his last day.” Customer #1: “When will he be back?” Me: “I think he’s done for the season.” Customer #1: “Well, do you know where he is?” Me: “Um…the North Pole?” Customer #2: “Hahaha!” Customer #1: “…okay, I walked in to that one.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 4:02 pm Post #20737 |
|
Please Do Not Creep Out The Employees Lingerie Store | Bozeman, MT, USA (A male customer comes into our lingerie store and wanders around, looking at the merchandise.) Me: “Good morning, welcome to [lingerie store]. How can I assist you today?” Male customer: “I need to get my wife a gift.” Me: “Okay, what were you thinking of?” Male customer: “Oh, you know, underwear or something.” Me: “Okay, what type? Special occasion? Casual everyday?” Male customer: “Definitely something special. It’s our anniversary.” Me: “Do you know her sizes?” Male customer: *moves towards me* “About your size…” *looks at my chest* Me: “Okay, then…why don’t you show me what you’ve seen that you like?” Male customer: “I like…you.” *leering* Me: “I think you’ll like my manager then, too!” *run away to get my manager* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 4:03 pm Post #20738 |
|
Good Examples Gone Bad Computer Repair | Santa Clarita, CA, USA (Note: A sincerely nice gentleman in his Mid Sixties approaches the check in counter with a CRT monitor.) Me: “Hello sir, what can i do for you?” Old man: “I can’t check my email any more and I need you to help me.” Me: “Okay, no problem! Did you want to bring your computer in here, too?” Old man: “Here.” (He sets his monitor on the counter.) Me: “Um…” Old man: “What’s wrong?” Me: “Well sir, this is just your monitor. Imagine if you will that your DVD player…” Old man: *looks confused*” Me: “…or VCR…is broken and you want me to fix it, but you bring in your television.” Old man: “Oh my goodness, I am so embarrassed.” Me: “It’s completely understandable, technology can be a bit overwhelming.” Old man: “I’ll go get my VCR!” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 4:04 pm Post #20739 |
|
From Gills To Godly Pet Store | Nanuet, NY, USA Customer: *in a thick accent* “Hello, were you the girl I spoke to last night about my fish?” Me: “No, I’m not, but I’d be happy to help you.” (The customer whips out a Chinese food container holding a fish that is clearly on death’s doorstep.) Customer: “My fish…she is dying. I need you to heal her. If she is healed, I want you to give her back to me.” Me: “Well, sir, your fish honestly doesn’t look like it’s going to make it. I would be happy to replace your fish. Even though we will medicate your fish, I can’t guarantee she’ll survive.” Customer: “No… I don’t want another fish. I want this fish. I want you to heal my fish. I have been praying for it. When you heal my fish you should pray for it as well. It will heal faster!” Me: “Sir, I can’t say that I usually pray, but I will be sure to keep the fish in my thoughts.” Customer: “No. You must pray.” Me: “…sir, honestly, I don’t practice religion.” Customer: “You must pray.” Me: “…all right. I will pray for her, and I will make sure she gets the best care. Stop by later this week or call in and ask for me. I will be happy to give you an update, just please keep in mind that I don’t think your fish will survive.” Customer: “You must heal my fish. I will call you to see how she is. I am certain she will survive.” (It soon became clear that I should have prayed sooner, because the fish died ten minutes after the customer walked out the door.) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 16, 2009 4:05 pm Post #20740 |
|
Feel The Burn, Pay For The Lawsuits Construction | Houston, TX, USA (I work for a construction company that often works on residential streets. As we were working on one road, a woman stepped under the caution tape and proceeded to walk through the construction zone.) Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but you’ll have to go around this area. I could give you an alternate–” Woman: “NO!” Me: “Uh, I’m afraid you have to. It’s against the law to go into construction zones.” Woman: “CAN’T YOU SEE I’M GETTING MY F***ING EXERCISE?!” Me: “…” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
 |
|
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · Matter Stream · Next Topic » |
| Track Topic · E-mail Topic |
 9:26 AM Jul 13
|
    
|
|
Theme by Sith of Outline
Hosted for free by ZetaBoards · Privacy Policy