 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (68,997 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:10 pm Post #20561 |
 
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Back In My Day, A Feather Duster Was Enough Restaurant | Lexington, KY, USA (I was going to get some milk out of a refrigerator while my coworker was taking an order at the drive-thru. Here is the conversation that took place.) Coworker: “Okay, please pull up to the window.” Customer: “IF YOU EVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN I WILL HIT YOU UP SIDE THE HEAD WITH A PAY PHONE!” Me: *leaning out of the refrigerator* “Did she say…” Coworker: “…a pay phone?” (As far as we can guess, her child had said something to her and we just overheard her!) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:10 pm Post #20562 |
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Good, Because Ms. BSOD Gets Really Cranky Tech Support | Ohio, USA Tech Support: “What software are you using to backup? Customer: “Ms. Dos.” (The customer spoke like it was a person, like Mr. Dos or Mrs. Dos.) Tech Support: “What, are you just copying the files with the xcopy or copy command?” Customer: “Oh, no. I use Ms. Backup for that!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:11 pm Post #20563 |
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Tits Hard To Think When The Weather’s Nipply Sandwich Shop | United Kingdom Customer: “Can I get a chicken sandwich?” Me: “Sure. Which bread would you like it on?” Customer: “Chicken.” Me: “…Uh, okay, but which bread?” Customer: “Chicken.” Me: “Sir, which bread would you like?” Customer: “CHICKEN!” Me: *pointing at the bread* “Bread!” Customer: “Oh, bread! I thought you were saying breast.” (I don’t know whether to hate my accent or the types of customers we get late at night.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:11 pm Post #20564 |
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Aloha, Mofo Showroom Administrator | San Diego Me: “Hello! How can I help you?” Customer: “Hablas español?” Me: “Sorry, no.” Customer: “Why not? Why didn’t your parents teach you?” Me: “Because we’re Hawaiian.” Customer: “Well, that’s not an excuse.” Me: “Do you speak Hawaiian?” Customer: “Of course not, I’m Colombian.” Me: “Well, that’s no excuse.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:12 pm Post #20565 |
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Wesley Called, He Wants His Tan Back Tanning Salon | Los Angeles, CA, USA (Customer walks in and is a bright white Jewish guy with a big beard.) Me: “How may I help you?” Customer: “Hi, my brother says you can give me a tan so I can look like Wesley Snipes.” Me: “What?” Customer: “You know Wesley Snipes, He’s got a great tan. It looks like he’s a real black guy.” Me: “Wesley Snipes IS a REAL black guy.” Customer: “Yeah, because of the great tan he’s got.” Me: “…Okay?” Customer: “Look, I just need to be as dark as that guy so I can learn how to rap.” Me: “You can learn how to rap without being black. Look at Eminem.” Customer: “Are you gonna give me a tan or what? I have all the money to pay for it.” Me: “Well, okay. If that’s what you want…but you’re gonna have to shave off that beard and go to the jewelry shop across the street to buy a giant platinum chain with diamonds all over it.” Customer: “Smart a**!” (So we put him through the spray tanner like ten times and made him pay 35 bucks for every time. We had almost gotten him as black as Wesley Snipes when our boss walked in and asked what the h*ll was going on. He said we had to shave all beards before starting the process. So, now this guy gets his beard shaved by my coworker and the result was the funniest thing I had ever seen in my life. He looked like a freaking raccoon!) (The customer looks in the mirror.) Customer: “You sons of b**ches, you did this on purpose! You racist b**tards hate Jewish people! All I wanted was a f**king tan!” (The raccoon got dressed super fast and ran out…) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:13 pm Post #20566 |
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Toothless Accusations Dentist | New York, NY, USA Patient: “How much is my total?” Receptionist: “$200.” Patient: “What? That’s ridiculous! I should get a discount because I come here so much.” Receptionist: “Ah, well, we really don’t see you more than a couple of times a year for checkups.” Patient: “Well, he’s the most expensive dentist in the area.” (The dentist happens to walk by.) Patient: “Hey, doctor, you’re the most expensive dentist in the area!” Doctor: “Thank you. It’s not true, but thank you.” *walks away* Patient: “Are you sure you can’t give me a discount?” Receptionist: “Sorry.” Patient: “But I pay for his Beammer!” (Note: The doctor actually drives a Honda.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:13 pm Post #20567 |
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Saved By The Belle Ice Cream Shop | California (I used to work at a popular ice cream store, where they mix your ice cream. We got really busy during the weekends, with lines out the door. This happened as I was going down the line asking customers for their order.) Me: “Hello, what would you like today?” Customer: “Are you high?” Me: “Uh…what?” Customer: “Your eyes are REALLY red. That’s okay, I’m cool with it…I am sure it makes this job more fun.” *grins* Me: “Um, I’m not high. I have contacts and they make my eyes really red.” Customer: “Oh, gotcha.” *winks* (At this point, I am hoping I dont lose my job for something this stupid.) Me: “So what can I get you?” Customer: “Nothing, I am just looking.” Lady next to customer: “I know you are not high dear, don’t panic.” *gives me a tip* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:14 pm Post #20568 |
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Fully Armed And Operational Feminine Wiles Gas Station | Boston, MA, USA (A very attractive woman gets out of a Mercedes. She is wearing a mini skirt and halter top. Her outfit leaves nothing to the imagination.) Attractive Customer: “I need 20 on 3.” Me: “Okay.” *I ring her up and she pays* Attractive Customer: “So is someone else working or do you pump the gas?” Me: “This is a self-service station; we don’t pump the gas for you.” Attractive Customer: “Well, there is no way I am pumping the gas myself.” Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t pump the gas for you.” Attractive Customer: “This is no way to get a tip! I am the customer and I want you to pump the gas for me.” Me: “I’m sorry, but if I leave the counter I could be fired. As I said this is a self service station; it means you have to do it yourself.” Attractive Customer: “FINE!” (She then walks out to her car and yells…) Attractive Customer: “Is someone going to pump me or do I have to do it myself?!” *every guy at the station goes running over to help her* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:15 pm Post #20569 |
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How About Some Ritalin While You’re At It Pharmacy | Georgia, USA (Our insurance transmitter was experiencing problems, so we were unable to transmit to any insurance companies when filling prescriptions. I explained this to one customer, who decided to sit and wait for a while to see if the transmitter would come back up. Meanwhile another customer came in with a prescription.) New Customer: “Hi, I’d like this filled please.” Me: *explains transmitter problem* New Customer: “Oh that’s okay, I don’t have insurance.” Me: “No problem, we’ll have it ready in just a few minutes.” Original Customer: “Wait! I was ahead of her! Why isn’t mine ready!?” Me: “We are still waiting for the insurance transmitter to come back up, sir.” Original Customer: “Well how did you fill hers!” New Customer: “I pay cash, I don’t have prescription coverage.” Original Customer: “Well I pay cash too!” Me: “You want to just get it at retail price, and not use insurance?” Original Customer: “Yes! I have cash! I’ll pay for it, just fill it now!” (5 minutes later…) Me: “Okay sir, we’ve got you ready. The total comes to $35.99.” Original Customer: “WHAT! My co-pay is only $3.00!” Me: “Sir, you said you wanted to go ahead and pay cash price since the insurance transmitter is still down.” Original Customer: “I do have cash! See?” *shows wallet with cash in it* “Why is it $35?! You people don’t know anything! I’m taking my business elsewhere!” Me: *face palm* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:17 pm Post #20570 |
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For The Good Of Mankind, Please Drink More Jewelry Store | Winnipeg, Canada Me: “Good afternoon! Thanks for calling, how can I help you?” Customer: “I just got off the phone with poison control!” Me: “Oh? ” Customer: “They told me to call you! Tell me; is your cleaning solution toxic?” Me: “You mean the stuff we use to clean fresh ear piercings?” Customer: “Yah, that stuff. I mean, I called poison control and they said they weren’t familiar with your product but to call you and find out what’s in it…” Me: “Well no sir, I don’t believe it’s toxic. There isn’t really anything in here that–” Customer: “–because I ingested a whole bunch of it!” Me: “Why?” Customer: “I was out of mouth wash. I needed mouth wash.” Me: “But it isn’t mouth wash…it’s used to clean piercings…” Customer: “I know, do you think I’m stupid?! That’s why I’m worried!” Me: “Sir, it isn’t toxic. And for the record, all the ingredients are on the bottle itself.” Customer: “Why would I look at the bottle? I called poison control!” Me: “Mhmm. It’s not going to kill you sir. Just try not to drink any more of it, please.” Customer: “Oh good. I’ll call poison control back and tell them that your cleaning solution isn’t a threat to public safety.” Me: “Please do.” *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:27 pm Post #20571 |
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Better Ask The Halibut First Restaurant | Berkeley, CA, USA Customer: “I’d like the halibut. Is there any way you can make that vegan?” Me: “Other than by making it not be a fish, no.” Customer: “Good point.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:28 pm Post #20572 |
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Those Who Know Just Enough To Be Dangerous Electronics Store Sales Rep | Columbus, OH, USA Me: “Hi Sir, how may I help you?” Customer: “Uhh, yea, I need some CDs.” Me: “Sure, we’ve got all kinds: CD-R, CD-RW and regular music CDs.” Customer: “Umm, I just need CDs with lots of RAM.” Me: “RAM? CDs don’t have RAM, computers do.” Customer: “Oh…” *turns around and ambles out of the store* (He then comes back a month later with a MacBook.) Customer: “Uhh, yeah…I put Linux on it.” Me: “That’s wonderful, you made a great choice.” Customer: “But, like, I can’t use my Apple OSX anymore.” Me: “Issues with Mac OSX? Okay, well. Lets take a look.” (I turn the laptop on, and I see that he has installed Ubuntu, I go into the GRUB loader to basically boot OSX and I find that it is no longer there.) Me: “Sir, did you reformat your hard drive in order to install Ubuntu?” Customer: “Uhh, I don’t know, I just followed the directions.” Me: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like you reformatted your hard drive, got rid of anything and everything you had on your MacBook and installed Ubuntu.” Customer: “So, can you fix it?” Me: “You got rid of everything, including any backups you may have had. I cannot get anything back.” Customer: “But I can get my files back right? I only formatted my Apple, right?” Me: “No, nothing can be done. You can either become a Linux user or if you have restore discs you can use those.” Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll talk to my brother, he can probably get all my stuff back…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:29 pm Post #20573 |
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The Sweet, Slightly Nutty Taste Of Surrender Grocery Store | Austin, TX, USA Customer: “Where are your walnuts?” Me: “It’s over with the other nuts.” Customer: “I didn’t see them.” Me: “They’re next to the cashews. Trust me, when you see them, you will laugh.” (Time passes, I finish filling my bin and wade through Christmas crowd to check on the customer. I find her standing right in front of the walnuts. She’s clearly found them.) Me: “You found them.” Customer: “Yeah. I couldn’t see them because the sign was in the way.” (Note she’s referring to a large, 18 inch sign with three inch wide red letters that read WALNUTS. It was added because customers complained they couldn’t find them.) Me: “You couldn’t see the walnuts because of the sign that said WALNUTS?” Customer: *angry* “Yeah, that’s right!” Me: “I…can’t help you.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:44 pm Post #20574 |
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Nonsensical Hypotheticals, Part 2 Hotel | Boulder, CO, USA Hotel guest: “Is there a way to take the phone off the hook so that it doesn’t ring?” Me: “Well, you could always…take the phone off the hook, so that it doesn’t ring. But yes, I can put the phone on a do not disturb, so that you won’t get any calls.” Hotel guest: “I want to take a half hour nap, so I don’t want the phone to ring. But I want to be able to get calls later.” Me: “I understand, sir, I’ll be sure not to transfer any calls to your room for the next half hour.” Hotel guest: “But what if one of the people in my group wants to reach me?” Me: “…Would you like me to only allow calls from inside the hotel?” Hotel guest: “No, I want to take a nap.” Me: “So you want me to make sure that you don’t get any calls for the next half hour, but if anyone calls, you want them to be able to reach you?” Hotel guest: *confused* “Yes.” Me: “I understand, sir. I’ll take care of it.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:46 pm Post #20575 |
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Nonsensical Hypotheticals Fast Food | San Diego, CA, USA (Customer has pulled up the the drive-thru after ordering a coffee.) Customer: “Can you add the cream and sugar for me?” Me: “It’s against policy to do that to prevent contamination.” Customer: “Well, what if I had no arms?” Me: *dumb founded* Customer: “If I spill the cream as I’m adding it while driving, I’m going to sue you!” Me: “Sir, you’re in a parking lot. You can pull over.” *customer speeds off* Manager: “If he didn’t have arms, how would he be driving?!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:46 pm Post #20576 |
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If Exes Ruled The World Auto Insurance | Costa Mesa, CA, USA Customer: “I want to cancel my ex-husband’s policy.” Me: “Are you on the policy with him?” Customer: “No, but his new girlfriend is. That’s why I’d like it canceled.” Me: “You can’t cancel a policy that isn’t yours.” Customer: “Why not?! It used to be my policy!” Me: “Well, because you no longer have authorization to make such a change.” Customer: “Well, he didn’t have authorization to bring that ***** into my house, but he did it anyways. I’m pretty sure you can cancel his policy.” Me: “I’m pretty sure you need to see a therapist. Thanks for calling.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:47 pm Post #20577 |
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And On The 40th Day, The Customers Complained Theme Park | Orlando, FL, USA (It was raining one day and didn’t look like it would be stopping any time soon.) Guest: “Hi, could you tell me when it’s going to stop raining?” Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure.” Guest: “Well, why not? I came here to enjoy the park, and my family can’t do that when its pouring rain! When will it stop so we know when to come back?” Me: “Hold on a sec…” (I pick up the phone.) Me: “Hi, GOD? Ya, its me, how you doing? Ya, ya…I’m good as you can see. Well you see this woman standing next to me? She’s wondering when you’re gonna stop the rain so she can enjoy the park…Oh, okay. I’ll let her know! Have a magical day!” (The woman storms off to another cast member and demands to see my manager. I got fired, but it was TOTALLY worth it!) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:48 pm Post #20578 |
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By Doing Nothing, The Problem Has Resolved Itself Animation Company | Vienna, Austria (I’m part of a small animation company. One project in particular was assigned to me alone, forcing me to deal with two customers. A specification nightmare waiting to happen, but I still accepted it. This happened at a meeting relatively far along, with work close to being finished.) Me: “So, that’s the current state. I still have to add in details, but that’s not an issue within the deadline.” Customer 1: “Looks great to me already. Looking forward to the final product…just one gripe.” Me: “Yes?” Customer 1: “The animation runs too slowly.” (I’m confused, as I made it pretty fast already. Customer 2 pipes up.) Customer 2: “What? No! It is way too fast!” (I try to interrupt the beginning squabble, but am not successful. The two customers squabble for a full fifteen minutes whether it is too slow or too fast.) Me: “Excuse me?” Customer 1 and 2: *still squabbling* Me: “Excuse me! I’ve got another meeting in fifteen, so may I make a suggestion?” Customer 1 and 2: *simultaneously* “Yes?” Me: “How about we compromise and leave the speed as it is?” (The looks the two of them exchanged were golden, as if that thought had never crossed their mind. It’s one of those rare cases I got it my way…) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:49 pm Post #20579 |
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Pointless Pickiness Coffee Shop | Ontario, Canada Me: “What can I get you?” Customer: “I want coffee, but I don’t want any caffeine in it.” Me: “So you want decaffeinated coffee?” Customer: “No, I want regular coffee. I also want you to take the caffeine out of it.” Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you’ll have to buy decaf if you don’t want any caffeine.” Customer: “Just gimme that coffee, and make sure to take the caffeine out.” (She turns her back for a moment to rummage through her purse. I pour her a cup of decaf anyway.) Me: “Here you go, ma’am!” Customer: “Did you take the caffeine out?” Me: “Yep!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:50 pm Post #20580 |
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Too Bad They Don’t Sell Brains Too Dollar Store | Milford, CT, USA (I’m shopping in the dollar store, fully clothed in my Taco Bell uniform. I even have the hat on, too.) Customer: “Excuse me, sir, do you work here?” Me: “Does it LOOK like I work here?” Customer: “Yes?” Me: “No.” Customer: “Oh…well, do you know how much this is?” Me: “It’s a dollar.” Customer: “How did you know that if you didn’t work here?” Me: “Lady, do you have ANY idea where you are right now? You are in a dollar store. Do you know what that means?” Customer: “That’s impossible.” Me: “…what?” Customer: “This store doesn’t sell dollars.” (At this point I didn’t know whether I should slap her or retreat and laugh till I puked.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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