 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (68,998 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:57 pm Post #20541 |
 
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Touché Bar | UK (Our bar has been reserved for a private party. Signs are up all over the place, on fluorescent pink paper, including on the front door, right at eye level. A customer approaches the bar.) Me: “Hi…I’m sorry, but the bar’s closed to the public tonight as there’s a private function taking place.” Customer: “Well, I didn’t see the sign on the door!” Me: “So…how do you know it’s there?” Customer: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:58 pm Post #20542 |
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Shopping Amongst The Commoners Bookstore | Columbus, OH, USA Customer: “I’m here to pick up a book I ordered.” Me: “Did you receive a card saying it was in?” Customer: “Yes.” Me: “Great, let me get it for you. What’s your last name?” Customer: *gives last name* Me: *goes to special order shelf, behind the cashwrap, to find the book* Customer: *comes behind the cashwrap and looks too* Me: “Sir, I need to ask you to step back in front of the registers. This is a secure area.” Customer: *ignores, keeps looking* Me: “Sir, please step back! We don’t allow customers in this area!” Customer: *grumbles, steps back* Me: *finds book, completes sale* Customer: *leaves* Coworker, laughing: “Do you know who that was?” Me: “Well…he looked familiar.” Coworker: “That was the governor! You just bossed the governor around!” (I felt a little silly for not recognizing him, but he hadn’t been governor for long, had a common last name and looked like every other rich, entitled guy who ever came into the store.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:58 pm Post #20543 |
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Someone Needs Sensitivity Training Home | Ringoes, NJ, USA (I’m at home, on Christmas Day with my family, eating dinner. Our number is similar to a floral shop in our town, so we’re constantly getting calls from customers.) Me: “Hello?” Caller: “WHERE ARE MY FLOWERS?! I ORDERED MY FLOWERS FOR NOON ON CHRISTMAS DAY AND I DON’T HAVE THEM YET! WHY CAN’T YOU PEOPLE EVER DELIVER MY FLOWERS RIGHT?! LAST YEAR, I…” (I predicted a whole novel’s worth of stories, so I figured I would cut in…) Me: “Sir! This isn’t the floral shop, you have the wrong number. This is *my number* and you just interrupted our Christmas dinner.” Caller: “WELL, F*** YOUR CHRISTMAS DINNER!” *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:59 pm Post #20544 |
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Like Son, Like Father Restaurant | Ottawa, Canada (I bring a couple and their child place settings and a colouring mat for the 6 year old.) Me: “Hi, can I get you guys started with something to drink?” Father: “Sure, I’ll have a Pepsi, and bring me another one of those place mats. I like to colour while I wait.” Me: *laughs* “You and the boy are going to have a bit of a contest, eh? (I obviously thought he was making a joke.) Father: *agitated* “Yeah, is that a problem?” Me: “Uh, not at all sir…would you like Barney the dinosaur or Spongebob?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:00 pm Post #20545 |
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Spontaneous Customer Combustion Fruit Basket Shop | Sandwich, MA, USA Me: “Hi! Welcome to ***, how may I help you today?” Caller: “Do you take credit cards? My husband has a huge party coming up. I need a basket immediately, the biggest you have.” (I ring her up and then ask for her credit card number. I also ask for the CVV code on the back of her card. Big. Effing. Mistake.) Caller: “Excuse me, you want my what now?” Me: “Your CVV code, ma’am. The four-digit code on the back of–” Caller: “I KNOW what a CVV code is, d**nit! I’m not giving it to you!” Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but it’s company policy. I can assure you–” Caller: “I am NOT giving you my code! Get me your manager!” Me: “Ma’am, I swear, it’s policy–” Caller: (shrieking now) “You rotten children are just trying to ROB ME! GET ME YOUR MANAGER! NOW!” (I get my manager.) Manager: “Hello, can I help you?” Caller: “You’re a bunch of thieves! No one asks for a CVV code nowadays! My husband has had dealings with the LIKES OF YOU!” (At this point, she’s yelling so loudly that she’s audible to other employees in the room.) Manager: “Miss, I–” Caller: *does something inaudible* Fellow Employee: “What just happened?” Manager: *staring at the phone* “I think she just broke her phone.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:00 pm Post #20546 |
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When Employees Lose It Jewelry Repair | Kansas City, MO, USA (I failed to complete a job in an hour for customer. She became upset, so I offered her a refund.) Me: “I am sorry about this…we became extremely busy as you can see by the 5 people behind you now.” Rude Woman “Well, how come you didn’t tell me you would be this busy?” Me: “I seem to have forgotten my crystal ball at home and I am not quite able to tell the future without it.” Rude Lady “WELL I NEVER. I want your name!” Rude Me: “Okay ma’am, but you’ll look pretty funny being called Bryan.” Rude Lady “I want your manager’s name!” Ruder Me: “Seriously? Sure thing, maybe Rick will suit you better anyway.” (She took her jewelry and stormed off. I called my boss a few hours later; she had contacted him and I was warned. Well worth it though!) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:02 pm Post #20547 |
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Cumulative IQ: Two. And A Half. Retail | Sterling, VA, USA (I approached a youngish looking husband/wife couple checking out our bedroom furniture to see if they needed any help.) Wife: *pointing to a headboard* “Do you have this in stock?” Me: “Give me just one minute, and I can go check that for you.” Husband: “But before you do that, what is it?” Wife: “I was wondering that too.” Me: “It’s a headboard.” Husband: “But what IS it?” Me: “It’s a headboard. For your bed. You attach it to the top.” Wife: “But what does it do?” Me: “It makes your bed look nice.” Wife: “But does it DO anything?” Me: “Makes your bed look pretty?” Husband: “But WHY?” Me: “Some people like the added touch.” Wife: “But why should WE buy it?” Me: “If you think it would look nice in your room, then it would be a great addition to your decor.” Wife: “You still haven’t told me what it does.” Me: “Um, it helps your bed match the color scheme of your room.” Husband: “What’s a color scheme?” Wife: “Does that have something to do with carpets?” Me: “Um…kind of. Carpets, curtains, bedspread, furniture. People generally like them to match. The overall color is called the color scheme.” Wife: “Oh. I had heard of that, but no one ever told me what it was.” Husband: “So we would need a real bed for this?” Me: “Well what do you have?” Husband: “A futon.” Me: “A headboard wouldn’t work with that.” Wife: “So I can’t get this?” Me: “Well you could, but you wouldn’t be able to use it with your bed.” Wife: “Why not?” Me: “It only attaches to a regular mattress bed frame.” Wife: “Oh. But what does it do?” Me: “Let me go find someone that can better help you.” (I ran off to find my manager because I couldn’t contain the laughter anymore. It took her 15 minutes to explain to them what exactly a headboard was, and why you couldn’t use it with a futon. We’re pretty sure they still didn’t really get it.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:02 pm Post #20548 |
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File>Open>Yard, Highlight Grass, Ctrl-X Tech Support | Louisville, KY, USA Me: “Thank you for calling tech support, this is Meagan. How may I help you?” Customer: “Come mow my lawn!” Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?” Customer: “I said come mow my lawn!” Me: “I’m sorry, this is tech support. Are you having trouble with your cable TV or internet?” Customer: “I know who this is! I want you to mow my lawn! In the rain! I pay y’all enough every month, so you better come mow it!” *click* Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:03 pm Post #20549 |
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Vague Question, Meet Vague Answer Bookstore | Columbus, OH, USA Me: “Can I help you?” Customer: “I’m looking for non-fiction.” Me: “What kind?” Customer: “Just non-fiction.” Me: “Okay…do you want history? Or science? Psychology? Business?” Customer: “No, just NON-FICTION!” Me: “Ma’am, most of the store is non-fiction. You’ll have to be more specific.” Customer: “Don’t you get it? I just want some non-fiction!” Me: “All right. Do you see over there, where it says ‘Fiction?’” Customer: “Yes.” Me: “All the books but those. Good luck.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:03 pm Post #20550 |
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How About, “Give Us All Your Money” Flooring Company | Atlanta, GA, USA (Once a month, we send out a mailer advertising our business. Like most ads it reads, “Call Now!”) Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?” Customer: “Yes, I received a card in the mail that said I should call you.” Me: “Oh, you’re interested in our free design consultation? I’d be more than happy to set one up for you.” Customer: “No, I don’t want anything like that. It just told me to call.” Me: “So you’d like a free estimate for new floors?” Customer: “No! The card you sent me in the mail! It said to call you, so I’m calling you! Why do you want me to call you?!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:04 pm Post #20551 |
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Night Vision Might Be Good Too Camera Shop | San Diego, CA, USA (I’m selling a camcorder to a man and his girlfriend. The guy is clueless about cameras and the girl knows a little bit more.) Guy: “I don’t really know too much about cameras, she knows more than I do. I just want something good.” Me: “Well this one is good because…” *explaining* Guy to girl: “Honey, do you understand any of this?” Girl: “Yeah, don’t worry. I think I know what we want.” Guy to me: “Look, if you had to choose a camera to take naked pictures of her *points to girlfriend*, which would you choose?” Me: “Well…this one has a built in hard drive so you can tape for longer without changing tapes.” (The guy’s phone rings and he leaves me alone with girlfriend.) Girl: “Do you get that a lot?” Me: “More than you would think.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:04 pm Post #20552 |
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Delivery Failure: Sender Too Stupid Internet Cafe | Northwest England Customer: “So it says ‘message sent’…does that mean it’s been sent?” Me: “Yep.” Customer: “Oh okay. So they should receive that, then?” Me: “Yep.” Customer: “Okay. And I mean, if they received it, will they get back to me right away?” Me: “Well, it depends how long it takes them.” Customer: “Oh. So how do I know if it’s sent?” Me: “It says ‘message sent’ on the screen.” Customer: “Oh okay. So when should I expect a reply?” Me: “…” (Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time this routine has been carried out, with the same person.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:05 pm Post #20553 |
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Postal Paranoia Retail | St. Louis, MO, USA Me: “Alright, ma’am. And may I have your zip code?” Woman: “No.” Me: “Well, it’s something I have to take. Don’t worry, we–” Woman: “No!” Me: “I, uh–” Woman: “No! You’re not getting my zip code.” Me: “Right. Because I’m going to TAKE that zip code and knock on the door of EVERY house in the code just to FIND YOU!” (The customer left, but I felt a lot better.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:06 pm Post #20554 |
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(Full) Front(al) Desk Hotel | Sulphur, LA, USA Me: “Good morning sir, would you like a room for the night?” Husband: “Ummmmm…I dunno, let me go ask my wife.” (He leaves for about 10 minutes.) Husband: “She said yes. How much for 1 bed?” Me: “It’s 79 plus tax, sir, but the only single bed rooms we have right now are smoking rooms.” Husband: “Okay, let me go ask my wife.” (He’s gone for another 10 minutes or so. He comes back with his wife.) Wife: “Why don’t you have any non-smoking rooms?” Me: “We sold out of them earlier this afternoon. In fact, we only have 3 rooms left for the night.” Wife: “Well, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard in all my life! You are going to rent me a room or I’m going to have to speak to your manager!” Me: “Okay ma’am, what kind of room would you like? ” Wife: “WE would like a single, NON-SMOKING ROOM!” Me: “I already told you and your husband that we only have smoking rooms available.” Wife: “I. WANT. NON. SMOKING.” Me: “I only have smoking rooms left. If you want, though I can give you the location of another hotel.” Husband: “We’re only gonna be here a few hours. Smoking is fine. I’m just sleeping.” (They bicker back and forth for nearly 20 minutes. Another customer comes up to the desk, and I offer to help her.) Wife: “You will not help anyone else until you help me!” (The other customer doesn’t seem to mind and stands back.) Wife: “Just give me the stupid smoking room.” Me: “I need to see your driver’s license, ma’am.” Wife: “WHAT? ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME! I’VE NEVER BEEN ASKED FOR MY LICENSE AT ANY HOTEL BEFORE!” Me: “Ma’am, it’s standard procedure for pretty much any hotel you go to. It’s for liability reasons, and in case the room is damaged in any way.” Wife: “F*** YOU! YOU’RE A F***ING SPY! I WILL NOT BE KEPT UNDER SURVEILLANCE! F*** YOU AND YOUR STUPID F***ING HOTEL!” (The wife proceeds to throw everything she can reach at me, and tries coming over the counter at me. She then starts stripping off her clothes and running around in circles in the lobby. Thankfully the other customer calls 911 and the police arrive in moments. I gave the second lady a complimentary room.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:07 pm Post #20555 |
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At Least She’s Not Returning Used Diapers Retail | Michigan, USA (I was working checkouts the other day when I overheard this happening at the service desk.) Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these outfits.” Coworker: “Alright, may I see your receipt?” (The customer hands over a receipt dated about 7 months ago.) Coworker: “I’m sorry, we can only accept returns within the first ninety days.” Customer: “But my child outgrew these! Am I supposed to just lose money on them?” Coworker: “Ma’am, children do tend to outgrow clothing.” Customer: “Well, what am -I- supposed to do with them? Why should -I- lose money because of this?!” Coworker: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:07 pm Post #20556 |
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A Mother’s Love Retail | Spokane, WA, USA (A pimply, overweight 18 year-old boy dumps a satin black flame-job man thong on the counter.) Boy: “Uh, can I return this? My mom got it for me.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:08 pm Post #20557 |
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Sheet Happens Bath and Bedding | Tampa, FL, USA (Customer calls our department.) Me: “Bath and Bedding Department…” Customer: “Yes, do you guys carry sheets?” Me: “Yes we do.” Customer: “Do you carry king sized sheets?” Me: “Yes we do.” Customer: “Do you have a lot of sheets?” Me: “Yes, ma’am. We have a wide variety of sheets.” Customer: “Good. I need you to put on hold for me a green set. Then again, put on hold a rose color too. Oh, and ivory and white. And some navy. I’ll be in to pick out what I want.” Me: “But what kind of sheets? We have several brands and thread counts to choose from…” Customer: “What is your name?” Me: *gives her my name* Customer: “Okay, I am going to come into your store and find you! Just be sure to get me those colors. I’ll be there in an hour!” *hangs up* (Of course, she never showed up.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:08 pm Post #20558 |
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Is That An Ethernet Cable In Your Pocket… Tech Support | Israel (Talking to a female customer…) Me: “Do you see the ‘Local Area Connection’ icon?” Customer: “Yes, I see your ‘Local Erection’.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:09 pm Post #20559 |
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More Clueless Than Keyless Key Shop | Chicago, IL, USA (After being in the same little hut for 25 years we moved the keyshop to a larger, inline store 120 feet away. After moving EVERYTHING except the counters to the new location I am in the old shop getting ready to lock it up until it is torn down.) (A customer walks in and drops 2 keys on the counter.) Customer: “Make me 2 of each.” Me: “I am sorry, this location is closed…you have to go to the new key shop over there.” Customer: “I’m not walking over there. I always get my keys here. Make me two of them.” Me: “How?” Customer: “What do you mean, ‘How’?” Me: “Well there are no keys blanks on the wall, there are no key machines on the counter, there is no cash register. In fact there are no light fixtures in the building, the air conditioner is gone, the signs are gone from the roof and the electricity is turned off. This is building is totally empty except for you and me. So how do you expect me to make you four keys?” Customer: “Ah, where did you say I have to go?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:09 pm Post #20560 |
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Glad To Be Of Service Helpdesk | Netherlands (Via Live Messenger Service.) CLIENT: I want DDR3 memory ME: I don’t think you should get DDR3 memory yet because the price doesn’t warrant the slight increase in speed yet, and it is bottlenecked by your CPU CLIENT: But it is fast! ME: Yes but your CPU is not fast enough and by the time CPUs with a proper so-called FSB are on the mainstream market DDR3 will be much cheaper CLIENT: But it is fast! ME: indeed sir, it is, but you won’t notice the different with DDR2 in your setup CLIENT: BUT IT IS FAST! ME: quick, read this: http://notalwaysright.com/stupidity-is-the-mother… CLIENT: lol what an idiot ME: yes, well that’s how much sense you are making to me right now |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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