 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
|
| Spam; 2.0 | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (68,999 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 12:05 pm Post #20521 |
 
|
Just Wait ‘Till He Meets The Dwarves In The Urinals retail | Richmond, VA, USA Man: “Hey! I put my card in the ATM machine over there and put in my numbers, but it won’t give me any money. Does that even make any sense?” Me: “I’m sorry sir, the ATM is owned by that bank. You’ll have to call them.” Man: “Oh, you would say that!” Me: “If you’d like, sir, I can try to give you cash back here at my register, but I cannot access your bank information.” Man: “I mean, I go to my bank and I can get out money just fine, but here… it won’t even work. I mean, does that make any sense?” Me: “Would you like me to call my manager for you, sir?” Man: “Oh, you’d try to save your job, wouldn’t you!” (And then it gets weird…) Man: “Wait!” *points at ceiling* “There used to be windows there! You people boarded them up!” Me: “WHAT?” Man: “Yeah! YEAH! The guys on the computers! I bet you have them up there watching me and keeping me from getting my money!” Me: *laughing* “Um, sir, there are no people living in our walls. Go to your bank, and have a nice day!” Man: *grumbles and leaves, turning back to look at the ceiling every few steps* (From that point on, my co-workers who witnessed this blame everything on the ‘people in the walls’.) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
 |
 
|
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 12:06 pm Post #20522 |
|
When Stupid Questions Attack Help Desk | Duluth, MN, USA (While resetting a user’s password…) Me: “Okay, the password needs to be at least seven characters long, has to have at least one upper case letter, one lower case letter, and one number.” User: “What about an upper case number?” Me: “…” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 12:07 pm Post #20523 |
|
Yes, They Really Are That Dumb Hotel | Valencia, CA, USA (I have a line of guests at the front desk waiting to check in, but I can’t ignore the phone ringing. I saw that it was an inside call from a room and I answer it, hoping this will be quick. I’m used to stupid questions but this was the best.) Me: “Guest services, how may I help you?” Guest: “Yes, how do you work the television?” Me, without missing a beat: “There should be a remote control on the nighttable in between the two beds in your room. On it, there should be a circular orange button that says “POWER”. Push it and the TV should turn on.” (At this point, the young couple in front of me is laughing.) Guest: “Okay, what do I do then?” Me: “Well, once the TV is on, you can push the yellow arrow buttons that say ‘channel’ to find the station you’d like to watch. Would you like to know where the channel listing is in your room?” Guest: “No, but thanks. I’ll give it a try.” Me: “My pleasure.” *hangs up* Young couple, still laughing: “Are you serious?” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 12:08 pm Post #20524 |
|
Laziness Is The Father Of Repetition Office | Illinois, USA Me: “Hello, this is ***.” Caller: “Is this %%%%?” Me: “No, I’m sorry. You have the wrong number.” Caller: “Oh, sorry.” Me: “It’s okay…goodbye.” (They hang up, but seconds later, the phone rings.) Me: “Hello, this is ***.” Caller: “Is this %%%%?” Me: “No, you’ve dialed the wrong number again.” Caller: “Oh, sorry.” (The hang up … phone rings again.) Me: “If you keep hitting redial, you’ll just keep getting the same wrong number.” Caller: “How did you….oh!” *hangs up* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 12:08 pm Post #20525 |
|
It’s Not Exactly Rocket Science, Part 2 Grocery | Boynton Beach, FL, USA *lady swipes her card* Lady: “Which button do I press? Credit or debit?” Me: “Is it a debit or credit card?” Lady: “Credit.” Me: *face meet palm* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 12:10 pm Post #20526 |
|
It’s Not Exactly Rocket Science… Copy Store | Portland, OR, USA (A middle age woman comes up to the counter.) Woman: “Your machine is broken! It will only copy the first page of my packet and now I have 50 copies of the first page and I’m not paying for them!” Me: “No problem ma’am, I can credit your card for the copies. Let’s see if I can fix it.” (When I get to the copier I see that she has laid the entire stack of papers on the glass.) Me, trying not to laugh: “If you would like the machine to copy the whole stack automatically you need to place it in the feeder tray, not just set it on the glass.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 12:10 pm Post #20527 |
|
Chocolate 1, Self Control 0 Candy Shop | New Jersey, USA Me: “We’ve got a special offer on chocolate at the moment, if you’re interested at all?” Customer: “Chocolate?! You know what? I will have some. I hope you’re happy. I mean, honestly…why do you think I have a weight problem, let alone the rest of the world?” Me: “Sir, I didn’t say you had to buy it…” Customer: “Well no, you didn’t, but I’m not going to turn down a special offer, am I?” Me: “Would you like me to offer you a health bar instead?” Customer: “No, I’ll take two chocolate bars.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 12:10 pm Post #20528 |
|
Time To Slap “Low Cal” On The Lard Cakes Fast Food | Norway Customer: “Do you have anything without calories?” Me: “Not except water, no. But I can make the baked potato with chili beans with no butter, making it more low-fat than anything else you’ll be likely to find around here. ” Customer: *rolls eyes* “Well, if that’s the best you can do…” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 12:11 pm Post #20529 |
|
Who Needs Enemies When You Have Customers Retail | Bellingham, WA, USA (A customer comes storming in a few days after a sale.) Customer: “I want to speak to the person who sold me this!” Me: “Actually, I believe that was me. I remember you.” Customer: “No, it couldn’t have been you! The girl I spoke with had long hair!” (I wordlessly take my hair out of the ponytail.) Customer: “No, she was prettier than you are. I’ll come back tomorrow.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:51 pm Post #20530 |
|
And Just Think, You’ll Meet Them In Multiplayer Video Game Store | Long Island, New York, NY, USA (So, GTA4 came out recently… it never occurred to me how many people didn’t know roman-bloody-numerals.) Customer: “I’d like to pre-order Grand Theft Auto Five.” Me: “Four.” Customer: “Four? No. I wanted Five. Four is old.” Me: “Four is the one coming out in a week or so.” Customer: “No it isn’t! It’s GTA Five you…” *mumbles* Me: “Sir. That’s GTAIV. IV is Four. V is Five.” Customer: “Well if you’re going to lie to me, I’m going to another store!” (…and he did.) (Another occasion…) Customer: “What is that… Grand Theft Auto Eye Vee…” Me: “Four.” Customer: “What?” Me: “Grand Theft Auto Four.” Customer: “I don’t understand.” Me: “It’s like the Rocky Movies.” Customer: “OH. Oh. I see now. Heh. Four.” (And finally, the big day: GTA IV was due to be released at midnight. I lost all hope for humanity when a customer came in and paid off the game, then asked…) Customer: “Excuse me, what’s midnight?” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:51 pm Post #20531 |
|
Teenage Boys And Smutty Mags? You Don’t Say! Pharmacy | Columbus, OH, USA Angry Old Woman: “Excuse me! I am very upset because you sold my young grandson pornography!” Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t sell pornography.” Angry Old Woman: “Get me the manager now!” Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?” Angry Old Woman: “Your pervert cashier sold my grandson pornography!” Manager: “Are you sure about that? We don’t sell anything like that here.” Angry Old Woman: “Do you think I’m stupid? I saw it with my own eyes! It had naked women and he told me he bought it here with no problem!” Manager: “Could you show me on the shelf what it was?” (She goes over to the magazines, and points at Maxim.) Angry Old Woman: “It was this one! See right here! Where any child could see!” Manager: “Ma’am, this magazine is not pornography. Granted, the women are scantily clad in a few pictures but they aren’t naked and there is no age restriction on its sale.” Angry Old Woman: “I know pornography when I see it, and this is very offensive. How could you sell it to young children?” Manager: “Well, actually our store policy dictates that we won’t sell this to a young child even though it is still legal. How old is your grandson?” Angry Old Woman: “He’s only sixteen!” Manager: *rolls eyes* “I don’t want to offend your moral beliefs, Ma’am, but if your sixteen year old grandson wants to look at women in bikinis there is no force on earth that is going to stop it, seriously.” Angry Old Woman: “The power of Jesus can stop it! The power of Christ should compel you to remove this magazine from your shelves!” Manager: “Right…real quick, ma’am, before I get back to work, can I ask you a question? Does your grandson have internet access?” Angry Old Woman: “What does that have to do with anything?” Manager: “A lot, and I think that the power of Christ should compel you to learn how to look up his browser history. Have a good day.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:52 pm Post #20532 |
|
Pointless Tantrums Italian Restaurant | Fort Wayne, IN, USA Server: “What can I get for you to drink today?” Customer: “Diet Coke.” Server: “Is Diet Pepsi okay?” Customer: “No, I want Diet Coke.” Server: “Well, we only carry Pepsi products.” Customer: “Fine, then! I won’t drink anything!” (Whatever floats your boat, lady. It doesn’t make any difference to me whether or not you drink something.) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:52 pm Post #20533 |
|
Check The Pot At The End Of The Rainbow Bank | Arizona, USA (Customers have been calling in asking for their Economic Stimulus Tax Rebate since the third week in April, even though it wasn’t scheduled to start showing up until the first weekend in May.) Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?” Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering if my $600 rebate was in my account yet? My neighbor got his.” Me: “I’m sorry, it looks like it has not been deposited yet.” Customer: “Why not? My neighbor got his already.” Me: “I do apologize, but the IRS has not sent the deposit to your account yet.” Customer: “Well, why not?” Me: “I don’t know, sir, but you can call the IRS at 1-866-*** ****, or visit their website. They can tell you when yours is scheduled to be deposited.” Customer: “Why can’t you just put the money in my account?” Me: “Because we don’t have it, sir.” Customer: “Well, after it comes in, I’m changing banks!” Me: *shakes head* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:53 pm Post #20534 |
|
At Least She Giggled Valet Parking | Dallas, TX, USA Customer: “I can’t find my valet ticket…” Me: “No problem, what’s on your key-chain? Anything specific?” Customer: “Keys! With a round thing on it!” (No luck, and with customers backing up behind her, I let her look for her own set while I attend to other customers.) Customer: “They’re not here! Did you lose my keys? He lost my keys!” (I suggest she look again for her claim check, and go back to other customers.) Customer: “I don’t see what the problem is, my car is RIGHT THERE!” Me: “Ma’am, is it at all possible that you parked your car and you have your keys?” (She digs in her purse, giggles, and runs off to her car.) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:53 pm Post #20535 |
|
Math Is Your Friend, Part 3 Cashier | Mankato, MN, USA (We were having a sale: 4 bags of liquorish for $12. I ring each bag up individually, and it shows up as $3 a bag.) Customer: “I don’t want those if they come up to $3 a bag. It said they were 4 for $12.” Me: “But if you’re buying 4, at $3 a piece, that’s $12.” Customer: “No, that’s $3 a bag. I want all 4 for $12!” Me: “Okay…” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:54 pm Post #20536 |
|
Math Is Your Friend, Part 2 Sandwich Shop | Ohio, USA (I used to work at a sandwich shop. We were having a special where you could get four or more of our smaller sandwiches for $2.99 each. Some customers don’t understand the concept of simple.) Customer: “Do you have any specials today?” Me: “Yes, you can get four or more 6″ subs for $2.99 each.” Customer: “Do I have to get four?” Me: “Yes.” Customer: “Why? I’ll only be able to eat one.” Me: “The computer won’t let me ring up the deal unless you order four or more sandwiches.” Customer: “Okay, then I’ll get four turkeys.” (The customer goes through his sandwich-topping business, and we finally make it to the register.) Me: “Okay, four 6″s comes to $11.96.” Customer: “I thought they were only $2.99 each.” Me: “They are. Four times $2.99 is $11.96.” Customer: “I think you’re charging me too much. Can I see a receipt?” Me: *prints a receipt* Customer: “Your prices are wrong, I know it!” (I take out a calculator and does the math. It comes out to $11.96.) Customer: “Oh…I still don’t understand, but whatever!” *pays and leaves* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:55 pm Post #20537 |
|
Resistance Is Futile Library | Athens, GA, USA (Woman is filling out a library card application.) Librarian: “Ma’am, I need your middle name as well.” Woman: “Why?” Librarian: “We have a lot of duplicate entries, so we’re required to ask for middle names now.” Woman: “I don’t want to give you my middle name.” Librarian: “Ma’am, I already have your social security number. Giving me your middle name won’t hurt.” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:55 pm Post #20538 |
|
Where The Sun Don’t Shine, Bungholio Pharmacy | Dallas, TX, USA Customer: “These things don’t work! They are hard to swallow and I nearly choked to death.” Me: “Ma’am, they are suppositories. You don’t swallow them, you insert them rectally.” Customer: “What does that mean?” Me: “You unwrap them and insert them in your rectum.” Customer: “What’s my rectum?” Me: “Ma’am, please forgive me, but your rectum is your butt hole.” Customer: “Well up yours too!” *stalks off* (This is not the first time someone misunderstood when we explained how to use a suppository. It’s the only time we can tell a patient “up yours” and get away with it!) |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:56 pm Post #20539 |
|
Back In My Day, Everyone Had Herpes Retail | San Francisco Cashier: “Hello.” Old Lady #1: “Stick out your tongue!” Cashier: “Excuse me?” Old Lady #1: “Stick out your tongue!” Cashier: “Um, why?” Old Lady #2: “What is that on your tongue?” Old Lady #1: “Is that the herpes?” Cashier: *sticks out tongue and points to a pink tongue piercing* “This?” Old Lady #1: “Yes, what is that?” Cashier: “A tongue piercing.” Old Lady #1: *looks to Old Lady #2* “Oh! We thought it was the herpes!” Cashier: “Uh, no. Just a pink plastic piercing.” Old Lady #2: “Oh good! I didn’t think they let people with STDs come to work!” |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:57 pm Post #20540 |
|
Touché, Part Deux Bank | Chicago, IL, USA Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?” Customer: “I want to know why I received a late fee on my statement?” Me: “Let me check for you…I do apologize sir, your payment was received 15 days after the due date, which caused the fee.” Customer: “I see, can you remove it?” Me: “Unfortunately no, you have had three removed this year already. This fee will not be removed.” Customer: “What do you mean you won’t remove the f****** fee! I always pay on time!” Me: “…” Customer: “What, are you stupid? Your g** d*** mother not educate you? Are you some kind of bank nazi? Remove my fee!” Me: “As I stated, this fee is valid and will not be removed.” (This went on for about 4-5 minutes, his requests heavily sprinkled with profanity and insults.) Customer: “Fine, you know what? You can take this g** d*** mo**** f****** Visa card and shove it up your g** d*** mo**** fu***** a**!” Me: “Sorry sir, my a** only accepts American Express.” *click* |
|
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
|
|
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
 |
|
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · Matter Stream · Next Topic » |
| Track Topic · E-mail Topic |
 9:26 AM Jul 13
|
    
|
|
Theme by Sith of Outline
Hosted for free by ZetaBoards · Privacy Policy