 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,000 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 9, 2009 7:10 pm Post #20501 |
 
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What’s Black And White And Dumb All Over Artist | Canada Customer: “I would like to get a portrait of my dog done.” Me: “Okay, sure. I would love to do that for you.” Customer: “Do you always do your portraits in black and white? Because I would like it in color.” Me: “Sorry, no… I just work in pencil.” Customer: “So you can’t do color?” Me: “No, all my portraits are done in graphite pencil. I don’t paint or anything.” Customer: “Aw, well I really wanted it in color, but oh well… I guess.” (She then proceeds to hand me a picture of her pure white dog with a black nose.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 9, 2009 7:11 pm Post #20502 |
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Spending Your Way Out Of Debt Credit Card Customer Service | Vancouver, BC, Canada Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?” Customer: “Hi there, I got these promotional cheques at 3.9% for my Visa card. I was wondering if I can pay my Visa bill with them.” Me: “No miss, the funds will be coming out of your Visa account. Therefore, you can’t pay the Visa with the same Visa account.” Customer: “Why? I don’t see why not…” Me: “… because the funds will be coming out of your Visa account. It doesn’t make it a lesser balance, it makes it a higher balance. Therefore, you can’t pay your Visa with the same Visa.” Customer: “I think this is stupid. I should be able to do whatever I want with my cheques.” Me: “Do you write yourself cheques with your bank account to yourself, and not have to pay for it?” Customer: “Well, no… that’s just silly.” Me: “Do you see how it works, then?” Customer: “Yeah, I guess. But I should still be able to do it!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 9, 2009 7:12 pm Post #20503 |
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Youth Is Wasted By The Old Supermarket | Iowa, USA (A very old lady, clearly hard of hearing and sight walks over to me.) Customer: “Young man! You don’t have any Canola Harvest butter on the shelf!” (I had stocked Canola Harvest margarine not 20 minutes earlier.) Me: “Are you sure? I was certain we had–” Customer: “You don’t have it. I already looked at your shelf.” Me: “They changed the label on the tub last week. You probably don’t recognize–” Customer: “I KNOW where it goes, young man. You don’t have it on the shelf!” Me: “Let’s go check one more time.” Customer: “You’re a buffoon, completely incapable! I need an adult… you should get me your manager!” (We arrive, I pull a tub of Canola Harvest off the shelf and hold it to her.) Me: “Here you go, ma’am. Canola Harvest.” Customer: “That’s NOT Canola Harvest! It comes in a white container! Get me your manager!” Me: *reading the tub* “Canola… Harvest. It’s a new label, is all.” Customer: “Oh, I see. You must’ve changed the label on me again. *laughs* You should’ve told me it was a different color, young man!” Me: *gun-finger-to-head* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 9, 2009 7:13 pm Post #20504 |
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Nothin’ Like Some Tough Lovin’ Porn Billing | Tempe, AZ, USA (I work for an internet billing company that mostly does work with porn sites.) Me: “Thank you for calling *** Consumer Support. How can I help you?” Customer: “Yeah, I got some charges on my card, and I wanna know what the heck’s goin’ on.” Me: “No problem sir. If I can get the card number, I’ll be happy to help out.” (He gives me his card, and I go through the process of looking it up and getting his info.) Me: “Alright sir, it looks like I have a subscription here to pornking.com. Is that familiar?” Customer: “Yeah, I know that. Hold on a sec. RANDY!!!” (I hear him shouting at someone in the background, and then the sounds of someone getting the ever-loving crap beaten out of them.) Customer: “Alright, I done took care of the charges. Can you cancel that for me?” Me: “… sure. I’ve canceled it from further billing now for you.” Customer: “Alright, you have a nice day.” *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 9, 2009 7:13 pm Post #20505 |
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Full Of Sound And Fury Home Furnishings | Costa Mesa, CA, USA (We have a ridiculously long phone greeting, and sometimes we get into the habit of saying it in a way that it does become a little slurred together, but we’ve been getting it slowed down so customers can hear.) Me: *says essay of a phone greet* Man with loud booming voice, practically yelling: “FIRST OF ALL YOU NEED TO TALK SLOWER! I AM ON A CELLPHONE!” Me: “… sorry?” Man: “SECOND OF ALL, I NEED TO ORDER A LAMP!” Me: “Sure thing, what kind and how many?” Man: “HOLD ON, TALK TO MY DAUGHTER. SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING I WANT!” (I hear him yell across in the same booming voice to get his daughter to order the lamp for him. They bicker for a minute before I hear her and get the order placed.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 9, 2009 7:14 pm Post #20506 |
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Oh Customer, Wherefore Art Thou Theatre | Cheltenham, UK (I was working as an usher on the door, directing people to their seats.) Customer’s Daughter: “We’re lost, Mummy.” Customer: “I know, how do we get out of here?” Me: “Can I help you?” Customer: “Yes, we’re lost.” Me: “Lost?” Customer: “Yes, we can’t find our seats.” Me: “You’re in C12 & 13. That’s the back row, the two seats in the middle.” Customer: “Oooooh, okay…” (I watch as she looks for her seat. She stares right at it… then looks over the edge, up to the balcony, and even at the chandelier! She finally settles down in the nook seats at the side that have zero visibility. I worry about our audiences sometimes.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 9, 2009 7:14 pm Post #20507 |
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Ouch … Sorry, Fido Thrift Store | California Customer: “Are there any thrift stores around here that support cancer research?” Clerk: “No, I think the only ones in town support the humane society.” Customer: “Oh, we have asthma. We don’t want to support that.” Clerk: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Tue Jun 9, 2009 7:16 pm Post #20508 |
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No Good Deed Goes Unpunished Video Game Store | United Kingdom (Note: I didn’t even work at this place. I was just looking at the games with my dad but I figured I’d help this lady out.) Customer: “Hi, my son wants a Star Wars game. How much will that be?” Me: “Well, there are lots of Star Wars games, because some are older than others. The older ones are more likely to be cheaper… sometimes the console changes the price as well.” Customer: “Console?” Me: “The thing you play it on.” Customer: “Oh he’s got a Gamestation.” Me: “Do you mean a Playstation or a Gamecube?” Customer: “I don’t know, it’s black.” Me: “Is it cube shaped?” Customer: “No.” Me: “Right so, it’s a Playstation 2. Did your son say which type of Star Wars game he wanted, or even the name?” Customer: “No he just said Star Wars. A shooting one, I think.” Me: “Most of them are shooting games…” Customer: “Well, this is the one with the laser guns in it and the laser swords.” Me: *cringing* “Laser guns and laser swords are what Star Wars is famous for.” (My dad, who is behind me, starts laughing.) Customer: “I’m not some Star Wars computer genius you know! This is only the 21st century. I don’t even know why you work here if you don’t know what I should buy!” Me: “I don’t actually work here.” Customer: “Well, why are you wearing the employee t-shirt?!” (She points towards my Children of Bodom t-shirt.) Me: “Good point, go and speak to my boss if you are unhappy about me working here.” Customer: “I will, and you might get fired, so watch-out!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:51 am Post #20509 |
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Gotta Love Those Magic Dongles Tech Support | Oslo, Norway Me: “Welcome to the IT service desk. You’re talking to ******. How may I help you today?” User: “I can’t log on to VPN.” Me: “OK, how does the problem manifest itself?” User: “I get a wrong user name or password error.” Me: “Right. What’s the serial number of your VPN dongle?” User: “Well, it keeps changing.” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:51 am Post #20510 |
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Crazy To Go Restaurant | Hawaii, USA (Late night in a very crowded restaurant, a lady cuts in front of me and stands in the well, blocking me from getting my drinks for my tables.) Bartender: “Ma’am, you cant stand there. Please move over to the side and I will help you.” Lady: “I just want to get some food to go.” Bartender: “Ma’am, please move over to the side of the bar and I can help you.” Lady: “Can I get some food to go?” (At this point there are three servers who are now blocked from getting their drinks from the well.) Bartender: “Ma’am, we only do take-out orders from 5:00-6:00, or an hour before closing.” Lady: *blank stare* Me: “Excuse me, may I squeeze by you? I have to get my drinks for my tables.” Lady: *turns to me* “I want to order some food to go!” Me: “We only do food to go from 5-6. Or an hour before closing.” Lady: “What? I need to get some food to go!” Bartender: “Lady! You need to move out of the service well! I can’t get you any food to go right now!” Lady: “But… but… I need to order some food…” Me: “Right. Food to go. But we dont do that right now.” Lady: “Why not?” Other blocked servers: “Are you f**king kidding me?” Bartender: “Ma’am, if you will please just move to the side, I will ask if we can get you some food to go.” Lady: “Thank you. I dont understand what’s wrong with you people!” Me: “Ma’am, can you please scoot over? Please?” Lady: “I’m not going anywhere until I get my food to go!” Manager: “Is there a problem?” Lady: “I’m trying to order food to go and your crappy staff won’t help me! Manager: “Well, we don’t do food to go right now.” Lady: “This is bulls**t! I’ll have your f**king job! I want my food to go NOW!” Manager: “Why don’t you get the hell out of here right now before I call the police?” (She stormed out and the entire bar started cheering and clapping.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:51 am Post #20511 |
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Cue Dramatic Music Restaurant | St. Louis, MO, USA Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?” Customer: “Hi, I’d like a personal pan pizza for my son.” Me: “I’m sorry sir, we’re all out of personal pans for the day. Can I get you something else?” Customer: “No! I guess my son will just have to go ahead and STARVE!” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:51 am Post #20512 |
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Fine, We’ll Just Shout And Yell Clothing Store | Dallas, TX, USA Customer: “I think it’s very rude for you to talk on your cellphone while you’re at work.” Me: “No, ma’am, this isn’t a cellphone; it’s a headset. We use them to communicate with the other employees.” Customer: “That’s VERY rude.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:52 am Post #20513 |
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Mmmmm, Powder Fast Food | Portland, OR, USA Customer: “Do your smoothies have egg whites in them?” Me: “Yes, the thickening powder contains dry egg whites.” Customer: “Can you make it without the powder then?” Me: “Not really, because then your drink would just be orange juice and ice.” Customer: “Oh, can I have the powder on the side, then?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:53 am Post #20514 |
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Land Of The Free, Home Of The Unobservant Tech Support | Sunnyvale, CA, USA Customer: “I lost my CD key and I need a new one.” Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. In order for me to provide you with a replacement key, I need you to email me a picture of the CD as proof of ownership.” Customer: “What? But I only need a CD key. I paid for it last week!” Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but due to piracy issues, I have to get proof that you own an original copy of the CD or anyone could call and claim they bought the game, yet have an illegal copy.” Customer: “This is ridiculous! I paid forty f***ing dollars for this game and I need a CD key for it?” Me: “I can provide you with a key if you will simply email me a picture of your CD.” Customer: “No! This is America! If I say I paid for it, you should trust me! I’m going to report your company to the Attorney General! You ripped me off and won’t provide me with the product I paid for!” Me: “Sir–” Customer: “Oh, wait… the CD key is here on the plastic case.” *hangs up* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:54 am Post #20515 |
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Just Wanted To Be Extra Extra Sure College Help Desk | Pittsburgh, PA, USA (The power went out on campus. We have generator power in some parts of the school, particularly where I am. Then, an admin assistant calls…) Me: “Help Desk, this is ***, how can I help you?” Admin Assistant: “How can I shut my computer off?” Me: “Okay. The beeping you hear in your room is a UPS. It’s going to keep your computer powered on for only about 19 minutes at best, so it’s good you called. Go into your Start menu and shut your computer down through the shut down option. Admin Assistant: “Okay, where?” Me: *explains how to shut down a computer* Admin Assistant: “I don’t see where you’re talking about.” Me: “Okay, do you see your computer screen?” Admin Assistant: “No, it’s dark in here. It’s dark everywhere. The power went out.” Me: “Yes, I know. It’s out all over campus. ” Admin Assistant: “Yeah, so I can’t see anything in here. My computer is off.” Me: “Okay… your computer is off? Then why did you call? What do you need?” Admin Assistant: “I don’t know. I just wanted to know how to shut my computer down.” (I’m not kidding. This really happened. I’ve read similar stories on other web sites. But this is actually what happened to me when I was working a university help desk. Computer Science department, no less.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 12:00 pm Post #20516 |
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How About ‘W’ For I Dunno WTF I’m Doing Retail | Philadelphia, PA, USA (I greeted a customer in the ‘C’ section of the CD department.) Me: “Can I help you find something?” Customer: “Yeah, I’m trying to find a Red Hot Chili Peppers CD.” Me: “Well, that would be under ‘R’. I’ll show you.” Customer: “Oh. I was going to check under ‘H’ next.” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 12:01 pm Post #20517 |
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Why Catch-22 Needs To Be Required Reading Tech Support | California, USA Customer: “I bought a computer from you guys not 3 weeks ago, and my internet isn’t working.” Me: “Well the computer itself seems to be operating perfectly…” Customer: “It is NOT working perfectly. I cannot get on the internet. ” Me: “I understand that; I just mean while the internet itself isn’t working, your computer is functioning properly.” Customer: “My computer is worthless without internet.” (Company policy is to direct her to her ISP for further assistance. So I try to get that info from her so I can give her a proper phone number.) Customer: “Why don’t you just fix it?” Me: “I’ve run out of things we can try.” Customer: “What is the ISP going to do?” Me: “They’ll walk you through a few things or at least tell you if there is an outage or other problems in your area.” Customer: “I bought this computer from YOU and YOU should be the ones fixing it.” Me: “It’s not the computer, it’s the internet. Unfortunately we’re not your internet provider. There’s really nothing more I can do for you.” Customer: “How much do you charge for internet?” Me: “We do not sell internet.” Customer: “Than who do I buy my internet from?” Me: “I don’t know. Verizon, perhaps?” Customer: “I suppose I should order some internet.” Me: “…you haven’t even signed up for it yet!?” Customer: “I wanted to do it on the internet.” Me: *head explodes* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 12:01 pm Post #20518 |
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Come To Think Of It, He Is Pretty Incredible Comic Book Store | Glen Rock, NJ, USA (I was in the store buying my comics when a lady walked in.) Lady: “Hi, can I get some comics appraised?” Worker: “Okay, what comics are they, and where are they?” Lady: “The comics are in my car. I’ve got a bunch of Marvel comics that I don’t need. I got a bunch of Spider-Man and I got the Fantastic Four from the ’50’s. Oh, I also got that comic… whats it called… The Incredible Hulk Hogan?” Worker: “You mean, the Incredible Hulk?” Lady: “Yeah, that’s it!” Me/My friends: “…” (As soon as she walked out the store, everybody started to laugh.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 12:03 pm Post #20519 |
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Along The Way, You’ll Meet Some Hopped-Up Munchkins Pharmacy | Southbury, CT, USA (I live in a town where 65% of the people are 65 years old and older. When we were redoing the design of the store, they placed a large white walkway from the front door to the pharmacy.) Customer: “Hi, I would like to pick up my prescription.” Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is the front of the store. Your prescription is in the back of the store, in the pharmacy.” Customer: “How do I get there?” Me: “Follow the white brick road.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Wed Jun 10, 2009 12:05 pm Post #20520 |
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Sometimes, Free Just Ain’t Enough Electronics Store | Duluth, MN, USA (Many years ago, in an electronics store far, far away…) Woman: “I just bought this computer and I can’t connect to Prodigy.” (eMachine had offered a $400 rebate for users who signed up for a year of Prodigy ISP, but the modems in their PCs wouldn’t work with Prodigy. Doh!) Me: “Yes, there’s a problem with some of the eMachines not working with Prodigy. I’ll put a new modem in for you and it will work. You can come back in about an hour to pick it up.” Woman: “I don’t want you to do that!” Me: “Uh… what?” Woman: “I don’t see why I have to get this fixed!” Me: “Unfortunately, your computer has a faulty modem, and the problem was found after it left the factory. However, I can replace your broken modem with a brand new one for free, and that will take care of the problem.” Woman: “But I don’t want you messing around in my computer!” Me: “This is my job–I install computer components all day.” Woman: “Well, I don’t want you messing around in there breaking things!” Me: “Replacing a modem is not that complicated. It’s like putting a new tire on a car.” Woman: “But if I just bought a new car, I shouldn’t need to have the tires changed in order to get it to work!” Me: “Yes, I understand that. I apologize about the faulty modem, and I’m offering to fix it for free.” Woman: “Well, I changed my mind. I don’t want that! Just cancel my Prodigy subscription.” Me: “…so you’d want to keep the broken modem?” Woman: “Yes, I want to keep it. Cancel my Prodigy subscription.” Me: “Ok, you got a $400 rebate for signing up for a year’s worth of Prodigy. If you cancel it, you’ll owe us $400.” Woman: *yelling* “WHAAAATTTTT? I’M NOT PAYING EXTRA MONEY FOR A BROKEN MODEM! I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO PAY MORE MONEY! YOU’RE JUST TRYING TO RIP ME OFF!” Me: “You got $400 off of your computer because you signed up for a year of Prodigy. If you cancel, then you have to pay the full price! How can you not see that?” Woman: “THIS IS B*LLSH*T! YOU’RE TRYING TO STEAL FROM ME! I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!” (We got her security instead.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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