 Wanted: New forum members! Do you have the right stuff to be an arch-angel member? Must be:
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| Tweet Topic Started: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:29 am (69,025 Views) | |
| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 6:19 pm Post #20001 |
 
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Why Don’t You And I Make It A Baker’s Dozen Bakery | Ontario, Canada Me: “Hello, **** Bakery, **** speaking. How may I help you?” Customer: “Hey, you sound tired.” Me: “Um… yes? How may I help you?” Customer: “Rough night last night? I heard you were busy.” Me: “Sir?” Customer: “Partying worn you out, huh? Well hopefully you aren’t too worn out when you come home, if you know what I mean.” Me: “Sir, this is **** Bakery. I believe you’ve dialed the wrong number.” Customer: “Well, s**t.” Me: “… yes.” Customer: “Do YOU want to come over later?” Me: “No.” *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 6:20 pm Post #20002 |
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They Should Also Slice, Dice And Julienne Fries Shoe Store | Davis, CA, USA Customer: “I am looking for some heels, in white. They also have to be dressy, like for a wedding…” Me: “No problem… we have some over here.” Customer: “But I need to be able to hike in them because it’s outdoors.” Me: “Uhh, maybe if we looked over here…” Customer: “It also has be open, kind of like a sandal.” Me: “We have some nice hiking sandals…” Customer: “But it has to be waterproof because it rains a lot where we are and I need something to keep the water out.” Me: “This might be difficult.” Customer: “Oh! And it has to be super comfortable, with excellent arch support.” Me: “We’re kind of limited here…” Customer: “And no backstraps, because I have plantar fasciitis and backstraps will just hurt all day.” Me: “So you are looking for a white pair of waterproof hiking sandals with no backstrap, but with heels and excellent arch support?” Customer: “You forgot comfortable.” Me: “I am sorry, could you repeat that?” Customer: “I said I needed them to be super comfortable.” Me: “And you’re serious? Have you ever seen shoes like this anywhere else?” Customer: “Well, I would think that’s your job.” Me: “I thought so too, but then again I am not a magician.” Customer: “That is very offensive! I demand to speak to your manager!” (Naturally, the manager was called, who promptly proceeded to laugh her out of the store.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 6:21 pm Post #20003 |
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One Gets You High Speed, The Other Just Gets You High Tech Support | Iceland Coworker: “Tech support, how can I help you?” Customer: “I need LSD for my son. You have that, right?” Coworker: “Uh?” Customer: “You know, that high speed internet thing…” Coworker: *trying not to laugh* “You mean DSL?” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 6:22 pm Post #20004 |
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Sorry I Asked Retail | Gorham, ME, USA (I notice an older woman and her twenty-something long-haired son struggling to find a certain brush in our hair care aisle.) Me: “Can I help you with anything?” Mother: “Help me? Help ME? The only way you could help me is to make my Fabio son over here stop dating thirteen year old girls!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 6:23 pm Post #20005 |
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He Does Have A Good Point Fast Food Restaurant | Munising, MI, USA (A man walks through the service door into the kitchen of the restaurant. I work the drive-thru, right next to the service door.) Me: “Can I help you?” Man: “Hi, I’d like to order some food.” Me: “Um, I think you went in the wrong door, sir.” Man: “No, I didn’t. That door says ’service’ on it.” Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to go up front to the dining room.” Man: “Can’t you just take my order here?” Me: “Um, I suppose…” (I take his order, make his drink, and the cooks make his food. I hand it to him.) Man: “Thanks! I’ll be sure to come back!” Me: “Can you use the main door next time?” Man: “Why? I got such good service through the service door!” (As soon as he leaves, the cooks and I burst out laughing.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 6:24 pm Post #20006 |
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One Track Rind Deli | Ottawa, Canada Customer: “Yes, I’d like 20 slices.” Me: “Would you like that thinly or regularly sliced, ma’am?” Customer: “Yes, 20 slices.” Me: “Okay, and how would you like your 20 slices sliced, ma’am?” Customer: “20 slices.” Me: “Ma’am, would you like those slices THIN or REGULAR?” Customer: “Yes, 20 slices.” Me: “Alright, regular it is.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 6:26 pm Post #20007 |
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Yum, Bible Ham Paste Grocery Store | Suffolk, VA, USA (I use to work in a deli at a grocery story. This story takes place there.) Me: “How can I help you?” Customer: “I want the extra cheap-a** ham.” Me: “How thin do you want that?” Customer: “Bible-paper thin.” Me: “Um…ok?” (It should be noted that slicing the “extra cheap-a** ham” too thin results not in ham, but in a ham-like paste) Me: “Here you go.” Customer: “You call that thin? You obviously aren’t a religious man, I can see.” Me: “Ok…” (I ended up giving him about $3.00 worth of ham paste and he walked away happy, so I guess it all worked out.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 6:32 pm Post #20008 |
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The Beauty Of A One-Track Mind Retail | Roanoke, VA, USA Me: Thank you for calling [Retail Store], what can I help you with? Lady: “Yes, I was wondering if you had any TV’s that were in your ad.” *I remember selling the last one a few moments ago* Me: “I’m sorry, we have no more left in stock.” Lady: “Why?” Me: “Because I sold the last one a few moments ago.” Lady: “Why would you do something like that? I wanted one.” Me: “Well thats what we do here, we sell things. We may get some more in tomorrow. Your could call tomorrow morning and ask to put one on hold.” Lady: “Okay, I’d like to do that now.” Me: “I can’t do that, we don’t have any now. I meant to try again tomorrow.” Lady: “Okay. The name is Johnson.” Me: “Ma’am, I don’t have any more of the TV’s that were on sale to put on hold. I don’t understand why you are not grasping that. We have zero TV’s that you want. I have several other models that are not on sale you can choose from.” Lady: “I would like the one in your ad to be put on hold under my name.” Me: “Ma’am, we are sold out of that model!” Lady: “Okay. I’ll come pick it up later today.” Me: “Ma’am, I sold the last TV before you called!” Lady: “Why?” Me: *click* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 6:33 pm Post #20009 |
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Me Customer, Me Hungry Pizza | Sacramento, CA, USA (A new delivery driver mistakenly delivered the wrong pizza. This is the phone call I got about it, as the manager on duty.) Customer: “Hi, I ordered a pizza from you guys a while ago, and they delivered the wrong one.” Me: “Oh, I’m sorry! What was your order?” Customer: “Mushrooms and green onions… the one we got had sausage. We can’t eat sausage! We’re vegetarians!” Me: “Okay, do you still have the pizza? We can come by and switch them for you.” Customer: “No, we ate it.” Me: “You ate it?” Customer: “Yes! Now, I’d like to get my money back. It was the wrong pizza.” Me: “So… you want me to give you your money back… for a pizza you already ate.” Customer: “Well we didn’t LOOK at it, we just ate it.” (Eventually we settled the deal by giving the customer some in-store credit. Who doesn’t look at a pizza before they start shoveling it into their mouths?) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 6:34 pm Post #20010 |
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I Can So See This On Broadway Electronics Store | Willow Grove, PA, USA (I’m hurrying to the bathroom as an Asian couple starts flailing at me.) Me: “How can I he–” Customers: “FAXMACHEEEEE!” Me: “A fax machine?” Male Customer: “FAXMACHEEEEEE!” Me: “Okay… well, if you follow me over here, I’ll show you what we have.” (I lead the customer over to the single fax machine that we carried at that point.) Female Customer: *staring at me confused* “FAXMACHEEE?!” Me: “Yes, that’s a fax machi–” Male Customer: “FAXMACHEEE?!” Me: “Are you trying to ask if we carry any other fax machines?” Male Customer: *stares blankly at me for a few moments* Female Customer: *nods frantically* “FAXMACHEEEE!” Me: “I’m sorry, but this is the only one we carry currently.” Male Customer: “… faxmachee?” *hangs head and walks away with female customer* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 6:35 pm Post #20011 |
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Insert Sex Euphemism Here Tech Support | Vancouver, BC, Canada (I get a lot of funny calls, and most of the time, I can stay calm and professional through the call. This is the only one I’ve had where I needed to hit the ‘mute’ button. Thankfully, he was talking about the website–I eventually needed to dispatch a tech.) Me: “Thanks for calling Internet Tech Support, Emily speaking.” Customer: “Yeah, I was looking at this porn site, and now I can’t get it up anymore.” Me: “…” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 6:36 pm Post #20012 |
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A Leaf Blower And An Acetylene Torch Should Do The Trick Hardware Store | Denver, CO, USA Customer: “Hi, do you sell hair dryers?” Me: “Um, this is a hardware store.” Customer: “Yes, yes, I know that. Do you sell them?” Me: “No, we sell hardware here. But I’m sure the Target up the road sells hair dryers.” Customer: “Well, I’ll just look around a bit.” (About ten minutes later…) Customer: “You could have TOLD me you only sold tools and nails here, BEFORE I wasted my time. Now I’ll have to go to Target!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 6:37 pm Post #20013 |
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Righteousness And Hyprocisy, Sitting In A Tree Supermarket | Michigan, USA (I was ringing this ladies order up and the entire order consisted of chicken, pork chops, t-bones and rib eyes.) Me: “Okay, ma’am. Your total is going to be [over $200].” Customer: “Now before I pay you, I have to say something…” Me: “Okay?” Customer: “I know this has no reflection on you and you more than likely can’t do anything about it, but ***** has no right to sell live animals.” Me: “Okay, ma’am.” (I start chuckling a little. We only sell live gold fish as feeder fish for people’s piranhas and Oscars.) Customer: “Well, what on earth can be so funny about me saying that?” Me: “Weeelllll, you really had no problem buying the dead animals we sell.” Customer: “As a charter member of PETA, I resent everything you just said to me. Not only does this store sell live animals, but it sells dead ones too?” Me: “Well, yes, ma’am. We sell pork, chicken, beef, bison, and several different types of fish.” Customer: “And you see no problem with this?!” Me: “Well you see, ma’am, as a card carrying member of the NRA, the only problem I can see is that they don’t also offer to cook it for me too.” (She stormed off without ever paying for her stuff. My manager wound up writing me up for being less than courteous.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 6:38 pm Post #20014 |
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Mmm, Pasty Nerds Video Game Store | Exton, PA, USA (A woman in her forties walks in…) Customer: “I’d like $5 worth of games for a Nintendo DS and the system itself. This should cover it all.” (The customer puts $20 on the counter.) Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any DS games for five bucks, and if you want a DS, you’re about sixty-five dollars short… $115 if you want a new one.” Customer: “…” Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?” Customer: “Toys’R'Us has them for $15. You should price match.” Me: “Ma’am, we do not price match here, and even if we did, I’m only a seasonal employee and wouldn’t likely be allowed to.” Customer: *screaming* “Let me speak to your manager!” Me: “Alright…” (I go to get manager from the back room. She explains the situation. BTW, I’m a woman myself.) Customer: “THIS IS DISCRIMINATION! YOU AREN’T GIVING ME FAIR TREATMENT BECAUSE I’M NOT A FAT, PASTY NERD THAT KNOWS THINGS LIKE YOU TWO! AND BECAUSE I’M A WOMAN!” Manager: “I’d like you to leave the store, please.” Customer: “FINE! NERDS!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 6:39 pm Post #20015 |
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Tech Support, How I Miss Thee Tech Support | Louisiana, USA (Preface: One of our business’ locations lost power. I first spent an hour on the phone…) Me: “Your power went out? Did you shut down the computers or did they shut down on their own?” Them: “They just shut down, and now they won’t come up!” Me: “So you have power now? Are your TVs and radios playing?” Them: “Yes!” Me: “What I want you to do is go to the computer and find the power cord.” Them: “Okay, got it.” Me: “Trace it to the battery backup. You will find it plugged into the back of it.” Them: “Okay, found it.” Me: “Plug it into a receptacle other than the battery backup. Plug it into the wall receptacle.” Them: “Okay, done.” Me: “Now try to power the computer up.” Them: “Nothing.” Me: “Okay, there may have been a breaker that tripped. Do you know your way around your fusebox?” Them: “Yes.” Me: “Go look at it and see if anything is tripped. If so, reset it, okay?” Them: “Okay, hold on…” (After a few moments…) Them: “Nothing’s tripped and I got customers needing to make payments!” Me: “Okay, I will be there in a couple of hours.” (After a two hour trip, I arrive with a new computer in my backseat. The first thing I look at is the APC backup power supply. The problem? The computer was still plugged into the backup, but even better: they plugged the backup power supply into itself. Two hour trip, one minute solution.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 6:40 pm Post #20016 |
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The Not-So-Difficult Art Of Misdirection Fencing Club | Canada Me: “Hello, ****** Fencing Club.” Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for some galvanized pipe.” Me: “I’m sorry, I think you may be confused. This is a fencing club… you know, the sport. We don’t actually make fences.” Customer: “Oh… you see, I’m making a cage for a parrot. Do you have any galvanized pipe?” Me: “No, I don’t think you understand. We don’t have material for building fences, we do sword fighting here. It’s a sport. Foils, epees, sabres.” Customer: “Oh, okay… it needs to be galvanized so that it won’t chip if the parrot bites it.” Me: “I don’t think you’re following me. We don’t build fences here, and we don’t have pipe.” Customer: “Oh, I see… you see, I need to make the cage for a movie set, and it needs to be galvanized so that it doesn’t chip if the parrot bites it.” Me: *giving up* “Galvanized pipe, you say?” Customer: “Yeah.” Me: “Try the Soccer Centre.” Customer: “The Soccer Centre?” Me: “Yeah, the Soccer Centre.” Customer: “Thank you!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 6:44 pm Post #20017 |
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Old Dames Have The Best Backhands Bookstore | Columbus, OH, USA Old Lady: “And how old are you, about sixteen?” Me: “I’m twenty-seven years old, ma’am.” Old Lady: “But… you’re so pretty!” Me: “Er, thanks.” (I guess I should try harder to look ugly from now on.) |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 6:45 pm Post #20018 |
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The Customer Is Not Always Happy Retail | Windsor, ON, Canada Customer: “Since you don’t have the laptop in stock that I want, here’s what I want instead: a bag, a decent one, and a USB stick, at least a 4 gig but I’d prefer the 8. All for free.” Me: “Uh, I can’t do that.” Customer: “I thought it was about making the customer happy! I am not happy. You have to make me happy!” Me: “So, let me get this right. Since you’re not buying anything today, you want free stuff? Customer: “Yes.” Me: “No.” Customer: “Well, this isn’t very good customer service at all. You guys say you run a business, but this is just s**t.” Me: “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, but like you said, it’s a business. You don’t stay in business by giving things away!” Customer: *stalks off* |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 6:46 pm Post #20019 |
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I’m So Smrt, I Dn’t Hve To Raed Library | Boston, MA, USA (A library patron comes to the desk with her laptop.) Patron: “I’m having problems getting on the internet.” Me: “Well, if you’re connecting wirelessly, you need to log on to our network with your email address–” Patron: “I know that! I’m not stupid. I put in my email and password and it won’t connect me!” Me: “Okay, why don’t you try and log in here, and I’ll see if I can help.” Patron: *logs on* “See! I enter everything and then it says Not Connecting You To The Internet. It’s been doing this for the past half hour…I keep closing it and trying again!” Me: “Uh, that says Now Connecting You To The Internet…” Patron: “No it doesn’t! It says Not Connecting You To The Internet!” Me: “What’s that word?” Patron: “Now!” Me: “And the others?” Patron: “Connecting You To The… erm. I have to go now.” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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| AWOLangel | Sat Jun 6, 2009 6:47 pm Post #20020 |
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Cool Bosses Make All The Difference Deli | Lewistown, PA, USA Deli Customer: “I’d like the Italian, please.” Me: “Would you like any condiments on that? Spicy relish, oil?” Customer: “Yes, I’d like both, please.” (I finish making the hoagie and ring up the price which is now $3.20 with the extra condiments.) Customer: “Last time I was here, my hoagie was $2.75.” Me: “Actually, that’s the price of the regular Italian hoagie. Is that what you wanted instead of the Super Italian?” Customer: “No, I wanted the Super.” Me: “Well, the Super is $3.00, and with the spicy relish and oil your total comes to $3.20.” Customer: *angrily* “Last time it was $2.75!” (She walks off to the counter to pay, and complains to the assistant manager.) Assistant Manager: “She says she’s coming in tomorrow to complain about you to Mike (the owner).” Me: “Oh, great…” (The next day…) Mike: “You made sure she wanted the Super Italian?” Me: “Yes.” Mike: “And you made sure you checked that you added up the price right?” Me: “Yes… so what do you think?” Mike: “Psht, f**k her!” |
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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln | |
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