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Cheap Laugh time
Topic Started: Sat Aug 26, 2006 6:20 pm (1,792 Views)
SeerSGB
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Ziggy Says you got to work the shaft..work the shaft!

• From an Atlanta police report, summarized in a July issue of the weekly Creative Loafing: A man working on a house on Smith Street was taken to Grady Memorial Hospital with serious injuries to his posterior. He happened to be bending over next to a wall that, unknown to him, a worker on the other side was drilling into, and the drill bit entered his “anal cavity.”

• Least Competent Cops: Four New York City police were called to an apartment house in July in the Bronx concerning a landlord-tenant dispute, but were distracted by a teenager in the hallway smoking marijuana and started to chase him, when a pit bull attacked the officers. The toll, 26 bullets later: one dead dog, one bitten officer, three other officers wounded by each other’s gunshots.

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" you never reach glory or self-fulfillment unless you're willing to risk everything, dare anything, put yourself dead on the line every time; and that once one becomes strong or rich or potent or powerful it is the responsibility of the strong to help the weak become strong." - Harlan Ellison
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wissaboo
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:lol: I wonder what happened in the landlord/tennant dispute? :lol:
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AWOLangel
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AdmiralTrion-TJW
Aug 26 2006, 09:20 PM
• From an Atlanta police report, summarized in a July issue of the weekly Creative Loafing: A man working on a house on Smith Street was taken to Grady Memorial Hospital with serious injuries to his posterior. He happened to be bending over next to a wall that, unknown to him, a worker on the other side was drilling into, and the drill bit entered his “anal cavity.”

:pinch:

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• Least Competent Cops: Four New York City police were called to an apartment house in July in the Bronx concerning a landlord-tenant dispute, but were distracted by a teenager in the hallway smoking marijuana and started to chase him, when a pit bull attacked the officers. The toll, 26 bullets later: one dead dog, one bitten officer, three other officers wounded by each other’s gunshots.

Link

sounds like something in the police academy movies
All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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Jadzia20
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When I crack that whip, everybody goin' to trip like circus
_lmao_
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FlyingPope
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Entrepeneur-in-Training
:liz: :liz:
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Bluetoille
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_lmao_ :liz:
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Purplelizard2006
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It's Christmas!

:liz::liz:
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Posted ImageI'm the biker babe!
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Vilya
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1000 post angel
Ok, the first one wasn't funny. But the second one _lmao_ _lmao_ _lmao_
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image[MOOD]relaxed[/MOOD]
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SeerSGB
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Ziggy Says you got to work the shaft..work the shaft!

And this one get the award for marketting stunt of the year:

Quote:
 
SYDNEY (Reuters) - Hot and bothered by rising pump prices? Australian brothels are offering clients discounts based on their gas bills.

Brothel owners claim the system works much the same way as supermarkets which offer shoppers discounted gas prices by presenting their grocery bills when they fill up their tanks.

"If you come in and spend time with one of our lovely ladies, we'll give you a discount of 20 cents a liter," Kerry, manager of Sydney brothel The Site, told Reuters Wednesday.

There is no link between brothels, petrol providers or supermarkets but brothels like The Site and Madame Kerry's say the system is simple.

Once you've filled up your car, bring your receipt to the brothel and they'll discount the price of your visit.


Linkage
" you never reach glory or self-fulfillment unless you're willing to risk everything, dare anything, put yourself dead on the line every time; and that once one becomes strong or rich or potent or powerful it is the responsibility of the strong to help the weak become strong." - Harlan Ellison
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AWOLangel
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just when you thought you've seen everything

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All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln
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wissaboo
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That makes absolutely no sense at all. :liz:
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wissaboo
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Most of you have probably seen this at st.com, but not all of us go there and it just had me howling


Quote:
 
Things to do on an Elevator
1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi, Greg. How's your day been?"

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

16) Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.

17) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

18) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

19) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

20) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

21) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

22) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

23) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

24) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

25) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"

26) Bring a plastic blow up doll and pretend it is your wife/girlfriend and say "Don't yell at me, woman!" and throw her into the wall.

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Rachel
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TOS Girl: All the Way!

Instead of starting a new thread...

Got this in an email :rachel:

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Rachel :wub:
Rachel

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Rachel
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TOS Girl: All the Way!

Here's another email funny :)

READ CAREFULLY!

I don't how many of you shop at Sam's Club or Costco, but this
may be useful to know. I became a victim of a clever scam
while out shopping. This happened to me and it could happen to you!!

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 23-year-old well-built guys come
over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the trunk. They both are shirtless and start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their highly-defined chest muscles and rock-hard abs exposed.


It's impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer
them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another
Sam's Club or Costco.

You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they
start talking dirty about what they want to do to you. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and begins kissing your neck and begs you to pull over so he
can make love to you!!

While this is going on the other guy steals your purse!!

I had my purse stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on
Thursday, again on Saturday, and also yesterday and most
likely tomorrow.

Anyone need anything at Costco, I'm going later today and probably tomorrow.

Rachel :rachel:
Rachel

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wissaboo
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Admin
That seems like a small price to pay. :idon'tknow:
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Rachel
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TOS Girl: All the Way!

:rachel:
Rachel

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FlyingPope
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Entrepeneur-in-Training
:clap:
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Rachel
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TOS Girl: All the Way!

Yet another email funny:

SURROGATE FATHER

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. The day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come to......"

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun
too....you can really spread out!"

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me!"

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, my, that's a lot of ....of.....!!" gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."

"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith muttered.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus."

"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith faintly.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling; I could hardly concentrate! Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your ... um ... equipment?"

"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work"

"Tripod???!!"

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold for very long.......Madam? Madam?...Good Lord, she's fainted....!"

Rachel :lol:
Rachel

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nhranger
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1000 post angel
:swoon:
You know, there are some words I've known since I was a schoolboy: "With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably." Those words were uttered by Judge Aaron Satie, as wisdom and warning. The first time any man's freedom is trodden on, we're all damaged.
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Purplelizard2006
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It's Christmas!

She just plopped down.... :liz: Poor lady.
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