Hair Removal funny for the Angels

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Hair Removal funny for the Angels; Yes, a not for the feint of heart post
Tweet Topic Started: Tue Jun 6, 2006 2:39 pm (336 Views)
Rachel	Tue Jun 6, 2006 2:39 pm Post #1
TOS Girl: All the Way! Posts: 7,613 Group: TOS 5000 Post angel Member #3 Joined: November 16, 2005	Got this via my sister-in-law. It's horrible but definately funny! Subject: Fw: Warning of Cold Wax remover for ladies--TOO FUNNY] I am still crying from reading this! This is why there are professionals! Sheila A classic! "WAX is Not your Friend" This is funny! CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud...I laughed till I almost cried as I could just see this happening! All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet. " So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!) So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-hoo and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. hoo-hoo? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!! I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter. "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace.... the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, I but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point. Next week I'm going to try hair color...... Now that's funny ......... Notttttttttt. Send this on to other ladies who need a good laugh. Morgan
	Rachel


Lus	Tue Jun 6, 2006 2:46 pm Post #2
Sherlock... I mean... KHANNNNNNN Posts: 25,544 Group: Vulcan Nirvana Member #14 Joined: November 18, 2005	Firstly - OUCH! and secondly......
	It's a Star Trek Miracle!


Jadzia20	Tue Jun 6, 2006 2:48 pm Post #3
When I crack that whip, everybody goin' to trip like circus Posts: 14,514 Group: 10,000 post spammer Member #23 Joined: January 1, 2006	Holy Shit



wissaboo	Tue Jun 6, 2006 4:39 pm Post #4
Posts: 25,676 Group: Admin Member #1 Joined: November 16, 2005



FlyingPope	Tue Jun 6, 2006 4:54 pm Post #5
Entrepeneur-in-Training Posts: 1,914 Group: 1000 Post angel Member #38 Joined: March 30, 2006	OMG :panic: :swoon:



DamarLives	Tue Jun 6, 2006 6:11 pm Post #6
Unregistered	I like pain...
Unregistered


DamarLives	Tue Jun 6, 2006 6:11 pm Post #7
Unregistered	I like pain...
Unregistered


Moon	Tue Jun 6, 2006 6:15 pm Post #8
Posts: 8,682 Group: 5000 post Angel Member #5 Joined: November 17, 2005	You must, you posted it twice



Heather	Tue Jun 6, 2006 7:44 pm Post #9
Posts: 4,940 Group: 1000 post Angel Ent Member #47 Joined: May 6, 2006	OMG That sounds just awful.



Jadzia20	Wed Jun 7, 2006 3:28 am Post #10
When I crack that whip, everybody goin' to trip like circus Posts: 14,514 Group: 10,000 post spammer Member #23 Joined: January 1, 2006	Did this person not know that you can get specalised wo-ho wax



Rachel	Wed Jun 7, 2006 4:04 am Post #11
TOS Girl: All the Way! Posts: 7,613 Group: TOS 5000 Post angel Member #3 Joined: November 16, 2005	I sure hope she has that knowledge now. But seriously, do you think the poor thing will go near wax again? Frankly, if I was her I'd be wary of having candles line my tub! Morgan
	Rachel


Jadzia20	Wed Jun 7, 2006 5:32 am Post #12
When I crack that whip, everybody goin' to trip like circus Posts: 14,514 Group: 10,000 post spammer Member #23 Joined: January 1, 2006	Morgan Jun 7 2006, 12:04 PM I sure hope she has that knowledge now. But seriously, do you think the poor thing will go near wax again? Frankly, if I was her I'd be wary of having candles line my tub! Morgan



nhranger	Wed Jun 7, 2006 6:04 am Post #13
1000 post angel Posts: 3,557 Group: 1000 Post angel Member #46 Joined: May 3, 2006	While I was reading that and she was describing the pain, I seriously thought when she looked she was going to see her clit on the strip.
	You know, there are some words I've known since I was a schoolboy: "With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably." Those words were uttered by Judge Aaron Satie, as wisdom and warning. The first time any man's freedom is trodden on, we're all damaged.


wissaboo	Wed Jun 7, 2006 6:37 am Post #14
Posts: 25,676 Group: Admin Member #1 Joined: November 16, 2005	nhranger Jun 7 2006, 05:04 AM While I was reading that and she was describing the pain, I seriously thought when she looked she was going to see her clit on the strip.



Rachel	Wed Jun 7, 2006 10:07 am Post #15
TOS Girl: All the Way! Posts: 7,613 Group: TOS 5000 Post angel Member #3 Joined: November 16, 2005	NH!!! No! NO! NO!!! Some sensitivity puh....lease!!!! Morgan
	Rachel


AWOLangel	Wed Jun 7, 2006 10:34 am Post #16
Posts: 36,542 Group: DS9 Nirvana Member #25 Joined: January 17, 2006	OMG that poor woman. what a nightmare! but if came in an e-mail i wonder if it's true :suspicious: i'm suspicious of stuff from internet, e-mails & the like
	All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.--Abraham Lincoln


wissaboo	Wed Jun 7, 2006 10:49 am Post #17
Posts: 25,676 Group: Admin Member #1 Joined: November 16, 2005	Your sig gave me a sudden image of waxing Scott Bakula's chest.



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