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Taisumith
Tweet Topic Started: Jul 10 2008, 01:02 PM (85 Views)
Deleted User Jul 10 2008, 01:02 PM Post #1
Deleted User

Trainer Name: Taisumith (Tai for short)
Trainer Gender: Male
Trainer Age: 17
Personal Goals: i want to become the best and train strong Pokémon while meeting new people

Trainer Biography: When Taisumith was one his parents died and his grandfather a wise old man who tought tai everything he knew about Pokémon and martial arts from the time he could walk and understand what his grandfather was saying. Tai was a silent person who didnt talk much to anyone just obeyed his grandfather. On Tai's 17th birthday Tai's grandfather past away saying " take care of this" while handing tai a pokeball.

Tai was very sad that his grandfather died then got angry that he was all alone and that his grandfather left him a stupid pokeball so Tai threw it across the room braking a picture of him and his grandfather fishing and then suddenly a Pokémon bulbasuar poped out of the pokeball since bulba was a peace loving Pokémon that loved Tai's grand father alot walked over to tai and comforted him and for some reason Tai understood why his grandfather gave him bulbasuar. So Tai decided to go on a journey with bulbasuar he named whiplash leaving the dojo in tohea.

Trainer Appearance: Posted Image
Poketech Color: black with light blue flames (if possible) if not red .
Starter Town: tohea
Starter Pokémon: Bulbasuar (male) i call him Whiplash
 
Lurk Jul 10 2008, 01:06 PM Post #2
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Please capitalize the Proper nouns like Tai and Tohea so they look better. You also tend to use run-on sentences too often. Break your sentences down into compound sentences and simple sentences so it looks more organized. Fix these errors and your registration will be reevaluated.
 
Deleted User Jul 10 2008, 01:35 PM Post #3
Deleted User

Trainer Biography: When Taisumith was one his parents died and his grandfather a wise old man who tought tai everything he knew about Pokémon and martial arts from the time he could walk and understand what his grandfather was saying. Tai was a silent person who didnt talk much to anyone just obeyed his grandfather. On Tai's 17th birthday Tai's grandfather past away saying " take care of this" while handing Tai a pokeball.

Tai was very sad that his grandfather died then got angry that he was all alone and that his grandfather left him a stupid pokeball. So Tai threw it across the room braking a picture of him and his grandfather fishing and then suddenly a Pokémon Bulbasuar popped out of the pokeball. Since bulbasuar was a peace loving Pokémon that loved Tai's grand father alot. Walked over to Tai and comforted him and for some reason Tai understood why his grandfather gave him bulbasuar. So Tai decided to go on a journey with Bulbasuar he named Whiplash leaving the dojo in Tohea.
 
Lurk Jul 10 2008, 02:15 PM Post #4
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There are still some sentences where you need to add commas so the simple sentences could be split up. Try using an online grammar checker or Microsoft word to check out the mistakes.
 
Bahamutrant Jul 10 2008, 11:15 PM Post #5
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There's a few spelling errors that I see. Mainly tought should be taught. Didnt should be Didn't. Get rid of the space between the " and take. Braking should be breaking. grand father sould be grandfather. and thats pretty much all the spelling errors and that i see in this.
 
Deleted User Jul 10 2008, 11:18 PM Post #6
Deleted User

Trainer Biography: When Taisumith was one his parents died and his grandfather a wise old man who tought tai everything he knew about Pokémon and martial arts from the time he could walk and understand what his grandfather was saying. Tai was a silent person who didn't talk much to anyone just obeyed his grandfather. On Tai's 17th birthday Tai's grandfather past away saying "take care of this" while handing Tai a pokeball.

Tai was very sad that his grandfather died then got angry that he was all alone and that his grandfather left him a stupid pokeball. So Tai threw it across the room breaking a picture of him and his grandfather fishing and then suddenly a Pokémon Bulbasuar popped out of the pokeball. Since bulbasuar was a peace loving Pokémon that loved Tai's grandfather alot. Walked over to Tai and comforted him and for some reason Tai understood why his grandfather gave him bulbasuar. So Tai decided to go on a journey with Bulbasuar he named Whiplash leaving the dojo in Tohea
 
absesas Jul 11 2008, 12:26 AM Post #7
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hmmm i like it, a few tiiny minor errors but nothing that is major so i give it the thumbs up.
 
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