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A-M's Journey To THE CENTER OF THE UNIVARSE!; Fanfic Competition #2 WINNER (to be >.>)
Tweet Topic Started: Mar 13 2007, 05:50 PM (712 Views)
Deleted User Mar 13 2007, 02:48 PM Post #1
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Should you follow the twisting dark alleyways of Kadaraa, you may find yourself in what is commonly known simply as "the Bad Part of the city". Here are crooks, thieves, murders, rapists, gangs, mercenaries, assassins, and all matter of folk who would slit your throat for a few dollars.

But should you be brave enough to step within Kadaraa's own personal hellhole, you may stumbled upon the Black Market. One may mistake it for a shopping arcade...if one was partially blind, wholly death, and more than a little stupid. It exists in a rather large alleyway between two buildings that have been declared officially unsafe, and abandoned. Here is where you can find all sorts of goods or services. From Pokémon to people, anything can be bought...or sold. For the right price of course.

It is also a good place to get information. Should you be so inclined.

The rewards can be many, but the dangers are very real. Those with a weak heart, body, or Pokémon, shouldn't dare to enter here.
 
Munchkinator Mar 13 2007, 05:50 PM Post #2
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Alakazam the Awesome and Mudkip the Magnificent's journey to the CENTER OF THE UNIVARSE!


"And in the name of His Noodly Goodness, RAmen."

That was me, Alakazam the AWESOME, praying. Just in case you didn't know, I'm a staunch Pastafarian, and a true believer in His Noodly Goodness; you see, I've been touched by His Noodly Appendages while taking a bath in Kyd (that Tentacool was DIVINE, I tell you!), and ever since, once I learned of His glorious existence from a random human I mind-probed with my own noodly mental appendages, I've made it my life's goal to live as the perfect Pastafarian, hopefully converting others with my actions, rather than my words. And killing anyone who DIDN'T convert, but that's not really the point now, amirite?

Small, blue, and stupid over there would be the little blue fish-dog thing, apparently called a "Mudkip." Oh, but he's not your average, everyday Mudkip, bound by the laws of normalcy, decency, and pants; no, the little imbecile is convinced he's some religious Mudkip figure - "His Eternal Holy Godness of The Sacred Realm, Disco Kipp."

...Oh, right, and he's ----ing CRAZY. He apparently thinks that everyone and everything should obey the "Mudkip Overloards, Creators of the UNIVARSES," and that everyone who doesn't obey the Kipp will burn... or be devoured... or something, not really clear on that, since his "divine judgment" seems to vary with the hour.

...

Have I mentioned he's a bleeding psychopathic freak of nature yet? Right, well, anyways, he was falling behind, probably looking for ANOTHER puddle to gaze at "His Infinitely Beautiful, Rugged, Handsome, and Sexy Countenance" in, and... well hell, we were right outside... uhh... where the hell WERE we? I'd been nursing a killer migraine hearing this fool blather about... whatever he had been talking about, so I'd lost track of where we were headed... oh well, time for MIND REEDIN' SKILLZ!

Quickly extending my noodly (mental) appendages into the minds of a pair of nearby, face-sucking humans, I learnt we truly were at this "Kadaraa," where Kipp apparently had business locating a "Sacred Sanctuary of Mudkip Lore," inside which he seemed to believe a, hrm... "Patriarch" of some sort resided. Hell, I don't know, I can't even read his mind worth crap; gives me a headache whenever I try to penetrate that useless hunk of jelly he calls his brain. Ugh... well, crazy or not, he was at least an interesting specimen; I'd never before met someone who'd managed to so fully convince themselves they were someone else, nor one who was so... eccentric.

Well, perhaps "eccentric" was a bit kind of a description... but then again, I had no way to actually DESCRIBE some of the activities he engaged in, short of stabbing one or both of my trusty doom sporks into my eyes. Yes, sporks; I was an ENLIGHTENED Alakazam thank you very kindly, not one of those stodgy old fools in the Council. Ah, whatever, the fools had... what was that noise? Oh dear sweet JESUS, what the hell was the little runt up to NOW?
 
Feon Mar 13 2007, 06:15 PM Post #3
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So, I am as you should well know, Lord Kipp the Eternal and Holy. I don't know what my meat-sack counter part has told you, but I'm sure it is as close to the truth as a mortal could really get.

I had seen the two hyuuumens engaged in some sort of odd saliva-swapping bond ritual, utterly disgusting if I do say so myself. They were defiling the sanctuary that I'd been searching for. DEFILED IT! They were getting their raging teen-aged hormones all over the place, and that would upset The Patriarch, it would upset him very much. In my mind, the only logical thing to do would be to lean up my back leg and try to get them to learn the error of their ways by shooting at them my Liquid Holiness. As I had planned, the mortals immediately stopped their bonding and gazed upon me. Surprised as I was that their souls had not exploded by the mere sight of me, I pee'd on, until my bladder cold do no more justice.

How do humans repay me? "I'm sure they bow and revere you Your Lordship," you may say. But nay, the scraggly male one raised his foot and delivered to me a swift kick in my dashing blue rear. I gazed at my lowly sidekick, who seemed to not care in the least. However, she looked longingly at me urine, she probably wanted to taste it, caress it in her mouth.

I turned my head back to the mortals, they were gone, like their plane of existence would soon be. Calmly, I motioned to my ignorant peon to walk with me. We headed down the road, she being lowly and dumb, and I, basking in my own glory.

"You do know don't you? That in order to unlock this temple we'll need a symbol of our courage, my courage. I don't expect you to fully grasp that, so let me spell it out in your terms. We get pretty rock! Rock is shiny! To get rock, we beat up people! People live in big building! When we get rock, we open big door to big secret book! Book good! I'm sure that was even at an advanced level, but, your not in an entirely vegetative state, you should understand after mulling it over for around an hour or so."

With that, I turned away from my henchwoman. Oh goodness, a puddle, yet another occasion to radiate in my own healthy glow. Was my fin straight? Yes, as always, cheek-spines were polished to perfection, and my teeth were grime free. To top it all off, I had a newly empty bladder! Oh the joys of life near cease!
 
Munchkinator Mar 13 2007, 11:25 PM Post #4
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Oh, fabulous. My... mentally incompetent companion had... relieved himself... on the humans. As in, like, his... thing... had been projecting the yellowish fluid... ON the... lovebirds. Well wasn't this just GRAND? At this rate, he'd get in the way of Pastageddon, and we wouldn't want THAT, would we now? No, His Noodly Appendages would scour this pathetic island clean of these bipedal "human" interlopers, leaving our world clean, sanctified - forever rid of the pale fools that SCOURGED our lands, defiled out children, and ATE BABIES!

Oh, and the revenge-focused human DIDN'T finish off the idiot Mudkip. After unleashing their ultimate secret weapon (in the form of a swift boot to the rear) upon my delusional companion, to the accompaniment of my quiet laughter, they-argh, they were... walking off... or actually, no they weren't. Unleashing my leet powahz, I quickly raised them upwards to about thirty feet, before hurling them off southerly; if they were lucky, they'd end up with only a shattered neck or something, as compared to utter bodily destruction. Morons, don't attack my companion. Well, not without warning me so I can laugh...wait, what? Oh, god dammit all to hell, that incompetent fool was ordering ME around? HELL no, you do NOT tell me to follow you, and... oh. Oh dear. Oh dearie me, was he-he... was.

He was condescendingly explaining that we needed a ----ing PRETTY ROCK, to unlock... book... kill... why, WHY did I not simply twist his head several thousand degrees with my noodly appendages of sykik d00m? WHY did I suffer this moronic, idiotic, incompetent, batsh-well, completely crazy, and... oh, fantastic, he was WALKING OFF WITHOUT ME, EXPECTING ME TO FOLLOW. There would be consequences for this, no doubt about it.

Consequences in the form of him taking a nice, unexpected position of floating several feet off the ground, at roughly eye level to me, and completely unable to move or speak. The wonders of overpowered psychic abilities, hmm?

Ah, but we must continue onwards with this sordid story. Convinced that he was now harmless, I floated up to him (by the way, having extreme psychic powers grants one the ability to use them for hovering, which is very freaking SWEET, and I totally endorse as a 2008 Olympic sport), began whapping him on the head with one of my sporks, and then began berating him, as a mother would her child.

Or a psychologist his deranged patient, but that's another matter entirely.

"Don't you EVER order me around like that again, you maniac little runt. I don't care if there's an ARMY of people who have still attached arms and legs, I... well, actually, if there was a bunch of people with still attached arms and legs, I'd already be "fixing" them into cute little pretzels, but... uh... well, hmm... something about... pretzels? Not sure what we were talking about, but you probably did something stupid, AGAIN, and... oh god, why the hell do I even bother TALKING to you?"

Very much annoyed by both his oceanic stupidity, and my lack of an attention span, I turned away, dropping him to the ground unceremoniously (and with a richly-deserved "thud"), and stalked-well, floated off, towards the city, draggind him along with a sykik noodly appendage (tendril, whatevah), as I planned the massive genocide to occur in the near future; why bother asking His Noodly Goodness to exert effort unnecessarily, when I could EXTERMINATE these bloody meatbags on my own? Oh, yes, there would be a lovely dance this evening; a dance of corpses.

Zombies, even.

Ooooh, zombies were awesome, though obviously not as much as myself; no noodly sykik powahz and such, you know. Still, acid puking zombies... oh, and DANCING acid-puking zombies... oh dear, I would be BUSY tonight. But first, my evil super plotting... well, first was getting to this "gym" in one piece, and with minimal attention drawn to us. Being two wild Pokémon, and myself an Alakazam (which EVERYONE loved), we'd need... a trainer. Of course, a trainer, it was so blatantly obvious, it was a shame I hadn't thought of it.

...

Wait, yes I had. Well, that would be the first task in our Herculean effort, then, finding a decent human host. But not any old average human host, certainly not; we need a HOT CHICK, if for no other reason than to distract opponents. Alright, so, gazongas were a necessity, lack of clothing would be a major bonus, the physical ability and mental willingness to use her body as needed, and... hmm... preferably white, since the majority of this islands dwellers were. Blending in and all, you know. Ooh, or maybe some hot little Asian chica, or... uhh, well, that is, well, we'd certainly cross THAT bridge when we came to it. First, to instruct the little imbecile on his orders...

"Alright you little misfit, we're going hunting for a human female to pose as our trainer, so we can infiltrate the human fortress with minimal... obvious bloodshed. We're looking for some sort of... location where nearly naked human females hang about, preferably dancing, with POLES, and...

uhhh...

OFF TO THE NEAREST STRIPCLUB WE GO! And please, do try to avoid emptying that black hole you call a bladder onto her until we finish our mission; it draws needless attention. Hop to it, Divine Emperor of Ponds Everywhere."
 
Feon Mar 14 2007, 03:45 AM Post #5
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Oh my, getting feisty were we? My ignorant companion had failed to see how hard it was for two beings of our stature and size to enter into a "Strip Club." It seemed to have something to do with clubs, clubs harm mortals, henceforth, I like clubs. Aside from that we wandered around for a while, but I, being the good soul that I am, recited the Commandments to keep us busy.

1. Do not blaspheme the eternal name of the all-powerful Mudkip
2. Do not needlessly pester Mudkips with your pathetic problems, we don't give a ---- about how badly you've ruined your own life.
3. Mudkip own you.
4. When you meet one of the Holy Ones, you must kneel and commit hara-kiri on the spot, in order to preserve their sanctity.
5. Mudkip are not food, for they will give you gas, thusly this gas will destroy you, and the Mudkip will take you on as a host.
6. ????
7. PROFIT!!!!

Plus, I did it all in song, what could be better? Other than dismantling a human starting with the toes, not much.

We wandered around town for a bit, but the night air is bad for a certain Mudkip's skin, it makes mine all dry and ugly. After a bit of lollygagging on my companion's part we eventually found a sign that said "Hot Chicks Ahead." Mind you, I don't see the necessity to look at warm baby hens but my sidekick ran onward and into a door.

I entered slowly, taking in every bit of my surroundings. Lights, poles, gir-g-gi-girls. I had never known how.......uh....."appealing" these mortals could be. Alas, hormones got the better of me, and I yelled out to my companion.

"Let's take that one, or that one, or that one, ugh, not that one, or that one, that one's good! It's your choice, you seem to be entertained by a stick and a ball of yarn, and you’re more human then I'll ever be! I'm sure their females amuse you. But not I! I won't fall for it, this is but a clever and very sexy ploy!"

At that exact moment, I blacked out. I bleakly remember running to a female and jumping up and onto her leg and clinging too it, ever so dearly. I also remember something else happening, let’s not go into that. It's a bit too graphic for my tastes.

 
Munchkinator Apr 6 2007, 12:06 AM Post #6
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After surviving several hours of my intelligence-unburdened companion's horribly out-of-tune singing, which incidentally completely borked by ability to concentrate on reading minds and discovering where to go, we finally, FINALLY located a goddamn strip club, and after a bit more useless rambling of some sort by the little blue menace, we entered quietly.

And, in very short order, not quietly. Small, blue, and lethally retarded here decided, after a remarkably short time for thought, to throw caution and mental capacity to the wind, instead opting for a typical "run in screaming and completely ---- over whatever the hell we were trying to do" fashion of assault that he seemed to favour. Well, he was kind of a little dipshi-wait. Oh, goody gosh golly gee whizz, the ----ing little retard was... dashing... in... towards the crowd...

Wow, I seriously needed to get a new job, one that did NOT include "protecting idiotic, delusional, psychotic, suicidal blue 'tards from self-inflicted fatal injuries." Well, I _had_ kind of signed up for this one, since I was kinda traveling with him to attempt to study his pathetic little brain in the interests of science, but... still, I should totally have gotten a friggin' Mightyena escort or something. Meh... well, time to have a little fun with the rest of the patrons and dancers, as the little runt very clearly (and... stickily. EWWWW!) decided on his choice.

Subject one. Female specimen attached to pole, light to no clothing. Subjects two to five, male. Full clothing, highly aroused. Watching intently.

Hypothesis: If subject one takes involuntary excretion from multiple orifices, subjects two-five will run screaming little little boys.

Testing... testing.... testing.....

Testing complete. Subject one very cooperative, possibly due to absolute mental domination. Test successful, results being processed...

Processing complete. Subjects two through five indeed attempted flight, before being telekinetically hurled into various walls several times, resulting in major fractures in the skull, further resulting in heavy concussions, and a seven or less second expiration time. Large amounts of blood.

Subject 6. Black pole dancer, six feet three inches tall, with... rather large breasts. Very large... ooh, damn, (s?)he was hung like a horse. Friggin trannies.

Subject 6 disposed of. Subjects 7-15, previously viewing, are treated to exploding genitalia, before meeting similar wall-meeting fate. Morons.

Subject 16...

....


.....


........


...........


Subject one hundred twenty seven. Asian, with possible Swedish influence. Large, rounded mammaries, well-formed body, looking at me in a sultry fashion and beckoning me towards her.

BRB studies, I must attend to her, in a personal "study" if you will. Interspecies sexual relations, you know, really not enough tests have been... oh, hell, she's SHINNY!


......


...........


...................


............................


Studies terminated. Subject was... extremely... cooperative. Also very articulate.

With her tongue.

Highly... receptive... to various... uh, nevermind. Suffice to say both of us are very pleased.

Now, where was small, blue and stupid? I had to tell him we had our traine-oh, for the love of the FSM, he was... sexually... assaulting... one of the girls. Without her permission, which is how we were different, obviously; I'd never be so crass as to invade another woman's body unless she was asking for it, which Shin obvious had been, Shin being the... ahem... masterpiece I'd so recently examined. And vice versa. AT ANY RATE, since the stupid little runt didn't seem to be very interested in leaving his new toy behind, I sent out my Noodly (mental) Appendages(tm), and turned her into a willing mind-slave.

So, like, now we totally had two trainers. Which was one more than the original plan had called for, but... eh, not both had to be in action at the same time; hell, it wasn't like either was even going to have to think, anyways. No, I'D be doing the heavy mental lifting here, thank you kindly, and NO ONE was getting in our way to the Gym the little blue moron had decided was our new target.

Well, at least this one would be simpler than that raid on Fort Knox, though I STILL fail to see how the hell leaving numerous butt-shape-implanted gold bars had to do with summoning Disco Kipp. Well... then again, that was why I was traveling along with the little moron; annoying as he was, he did show unexpected (though still limited) intelligence at times, and his endless schemes for mass (or mini) destruction, tied to his immensely entertaining and study-worthy mentality, had... fascinated me, to some degree. Seriously, you see people as... well, either "visionary" or "lunatic," depending on your perspective, rarely, and even more rarely do they have the visions (or delusions) and interesting mental structure this one had.

...Ah, dear. The rest of the occupants, noticing my lack of blood-spattering action, had taken to fleeing en masse towards the door - all 27 of them, trying to aim for, and escape from, the same door.

28 severed heads and several bloodied poles later (one head was lopped twice, due to a slight miscalculation on my pole telekinesis), the threat was finished. Levitating myself, Shin, the little apparently unconscious imbecile, and the unnamed mind-slave over the massive pool of gore, I quickly took us outside, fortunately free from the mess we'd left behind, and used my sykik powahz to well-nigh weld the door shut, and mind-enslaving a few nearby pedestrians to act as bouncers.
The fact that two of them were small girls, and that all of the mindslaves would eventually die from forgetting how to breathe, had little to do with circumstances, so I gave it minimal thought - hey, if they wanted to be alive, they wouldn't have been walking past right then, the little morons.

Ah, but this felt good (in more ways than one). Trainer(s) located, and now mindslaves/willing companions. Over one hundred humans very fully dead, with the remaining two strippers busily and violently... well, actually, I'll spare myself the description, but it's pretty nasty, and would be fatal soon enough, for all involved, because gosh darn it, the human body didn't bend like that!

Meh, they probably had it coming. More important now, however, was where this damn Gym actually was, and since I was a bit tired after the flagrant abuse of my powers (and suffering from post coital glow... and since I needed to NOT be so damn happy, well, I had to concentrate on getting rid of it), I decided to ask the little runt - hey, he seemed to want to get there badly enough, so HE could figure out where the hell to navigate us to.

Please, please don't let it be into Batman's lair AGAIN, though. I was still severely mentally scarred after seeing Batman...

You know what? Never mind. Time to get the little runt to pull his weight.

"All right you little freak of nature, take us to your leader, Gym or not. Atta boy, I feel like taking a bit of a nap..."

After I spoke to the convalescing moron, I stretched a bit, then quickly fell into a light sleep, allowing my lower functions to take over and continue levitating me, though the others were deposited (relatively gently, surprisingly enough) onto the pavement to walk.
 
Feon Apr 6 2007, 07:19 AM Post #7
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Well, I had had fun, if this is how mortals spend their time, they can't be all bad.

"Alright fool, the shrine is well hidden. I'll need to use a type of navigation. Now, my head-fin always points "magnetic-up!" (That's an important detail, kindly remember it.) If I can angle my body in the correct position I should be able to summon a beam of light to point the way. It is a lost navigational art. It takes years of practice, but in the ethral plane we try our best to keep using it so it stays fresh."

First I tried the praying mantis, I sat up on my haunches and held my legs out in front of me. It didn't work. I then tried the black dragon of Nood. I got up and acted as if I was shooting flames from my mouth, it didn't do the trick. Then I tried the BADGERBADGERBADGERMUSHROOMSNAKE! I danced and convulsed on the ground. Suddenly, a yellow light enveloped my entire body. I said where I wanted to go loudly and clearly as so my command would not be mistaken.

"SHRINE OF DISCO KIPP"

I screamed as a searing pain washed over me, the light left but had formed a spectral trail in the air around me. It had worked, my parten was silent. Her muteness was probably from awe. I danced a small jig and started to follow the light, it was a good light. Not too bright, and there was another one near it so you got that two level effect. But, if I failed this quest I'd have to cut down the mightiest tree in Nym, with a goldeen! As you can see, failure wasn't an option for me.

We ran past shops and down alleys following the light. It stopped at a human Pokémon GYM! KIPP DAMMIT. The humans had built a gym above my shrine! Well this was great, just great. You know what, I was going to punish the people who ruined my sanctuary!

"IGNORANT ASSOCIATE! I need you to take control of our meat-slaves and make them act as if they are our slaves! Makr tem our trainers so we can challange the gym. Are you there...hello? Wakey wakey! GET UP YOU FOOL!"

Great, she probably hadn't been awake to see my light either. Ah well.
 
Munchkinator Apr 9 2007, 09:50 PM Post #8
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A sudden spike of agonizing pain overloaded my poor helpless ears, signifying (as usual) that my little blue comrade wanted something, and either couldn't, or wouldn't, wait for me to jolly well wake the **** up properly. Goddamnit all, what I wouldn't give for the ability to enclose him in a bubble of psychic energy, rendering him mute and unable to move to annoy... me...

Damn, why didn't I think of that?

...

Uhm, why didn't I think of that EARLIER? With a mumbled "STFU n00b, or I waste your toast-flavored butt with a railgun", I... well, actually I ended up slamming into a passerby who'd apparently not been smart enough to get out of my way, and since I had been focusing on railgunning his arse with my brain, I hadn't been up to par on the whole "paying attention" thing, to put it nicely. Eh, situation was quickly resolved (to the great discomfiture of his head), and a quick blood spattering later, I was ready to make the final steps, to ensure this would be a simple, breach-and-clear operation.

Alright, the plan, which I quickly called our little group together to hear... though really, I was just telepathically implanting it in all their brains, making the gesture entirely pointless. Meh.

"Okay then, according to little blue retard, this is the rough location of our objective, though it seems that a human "Gym" has been built here, obscuring the shrine the runt has been blathering about. A'ight, here's how it's going to go. I'll animate whasserface, and if Shin will act vaguely Trainer-ish, we can just go in, and I'll take care of the rest. Since this is a human Pokémon Gym we'll probably have to deal with some annoying Gym Leader with overpowered slaves... but hey, that's what you're for, eh bluebell?"

Bluebell? Moar like "cannon fodder," but who was I to complain? Hell, this was probably a fire gym run by some fat old fart who couldn't even SEE worth jack; it'd be easy even for the imbecile, so I could just focus on butchering "innocents." Heh, innocents... I loved that word. Sounded so much nicer than "subjects," you know?

...

Thanks folks/voices, I'm here all week.

...

Righto, Gym battle, yada yada. Psychokinetically crushing the door into a lovely origami swan, which then lodged itself into a random Gym Trainer's sorry skull, I floated in, followed by our little troupe; two very almost-naked, HOT stripper chicks, one looking strangely doll-like in her movements (hey, telekinetic body control is hard - you try it, whiner!), and a lethally retarded blue fish/dog creature thing.

Good thing there were only a few people there, because both of the remaining male Gym Trainer's heads spontaneously (and messily) imploded (possibly due to my use and abuse of psychokinesis), and the female was too busy being violated by her Dewgong.

Ugh, damn humans. Mindblasting her and the dumb seal thing into continuing their... activities, I turned to an oddly dressed blonde who appeared to be the leader, to some degree. Odd, she ws... WTF, she was wearing some sort of schoolgirl uniform, with an impossibly horrible hairdo, utterly idiotic blue ribbons, and a pair of what I was pretty sure were effing PROBES sticking out of her forehead.

...Okay, yeah, alien. Whaddaya know, the blue runt HAD been right in his rants about aliens conquering the world; maybe I'd have to pay more attention to him in the future...

Or not. Realizing he was watching the dewgong/human combination in rapt interest, I quickly disengaged my eyes and suicidal thoughts, instead deciding to confront the alien beast WITH MAH BRAIN. Telepathy FTW, eh wot wot?

"Look, you damn alien freak, we can do this one way or the other. Either you keel over and die peacefully now... or I'll let my little (blue) friend have his way with you. Your choice, but one involves unbelievable pain, agony, and endless torment in the seven pits of hell. The other is where you just get psychoblasted into last thursday, gg all."

To mysurprise though, after a moment of silence, the woman began talking to me (us, actually) telepathically, grinning madly as she began. "Oh, I don't think so you little monkey; us Furons have rather a job to do on this human-infested hellhole. I'll give you two choices here, since I figure you deserve it; either I disintegrate you now on television, or we have a nice little battle, and I'll disintegrate you after I win. Fair enough, monkey? Thought so!"

Finishing her telepathic broadcast, and motioning subtly towards a video camera I'd not seen before, she sent out two... odd... rabbit things, both of which immediately began going all ZAP ZAPPY KAPOW, sending twin zappy d00m bolts at me.

Goddamn I love psychokinesis. One smoking, electrocuted, unexpectedly (for him) meatshielding Mudkip later, the two of us were safe (well, I was safe anyways), and ready to launch a counter-raepage.


:alakazam level 50
:hp 145/145
:eng 99%
{Ultimate PWNAGE}

:mudkip level retard
:hp something/much higher
:eng $2
{Annoying idiot}

M-M-M-MONSTER KILLLLLLLLLLLL

:plusle lvl 25
:hp 75/75
:eng 96%
{Devil Bunny/Rat}

:minun lvl 25
:hp 75/75
:eng 95%
{See above}
 
Feon Apr 10 2007, 07:51 AM Post #9
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Character Title
That Quiet Cowboy
The Furons? Here? It couldn't be! Long ago, we Mudkips created another race besides the hyuumans. They were dubbed the Furons. We gifted most of them with psychokenetic powers, far beyond your pitiful minds. They were peacefull, until we exploded thier planet out of boredom. THe surivors colonized other planets and we thought nothing more of them, how wrong we must have been. So, this single Furon was sending most of her slaves at us? I took the time to asses them both. One was blue, he was probably better, for that reason. One was red, odd. Well in lue of the current situation, I'd probably have to stay out of the way. Those zappy DEATH bolts were a little to zappy for my tastes. I'd probably get hurt more then the normal Pokémon seeing as water was my prime element.

Oh, oh no....it was coming. The Bloodlust was upon me. You see...every Mudkip has a rage meter, if it peaks...they get The Bloodlust. We cannot control ourselves, it is helpful. But we lose control over most speech functions. I'll re-tell the story how I remember it.

RUN! JUMP! BIT! SNAPPY SPINE! OUCH! LECTRIC' SHOCKY! SKIN OUCHY! COMING BACK....I...I.....damn it to hell! In my haste, my spine had been injured. I could do nothing but lay there on the ground. I had manadged to pump out some tail-slaps on the red one, I liked him less. Not because I'm racist or anything, he just was a color I didn't like and for that he would die, harder!

"Comrad, I can't do this for much longer. Protect my body, as my equal!"

Notice, if you will, how I said things like "Comrad" and "Equal" to create the illusion that I respect it. It's funny, how a little motivation can go a long way. So, the battle was going well. Not great, but well.

:alakazam Level 50

:hp 145/145
:eng 99%
{Mo-ron}

:mudkip Level 49

:hp 78/143
:eng 83%
{Godly}
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

:plusle Level 25

:hp 49/75
:eng 85%
{The dumb red one}

:minun Level 25

:hp 69/75
:eng 89%
{Blue!}
 
Munchkinator Apr 13 2007, 07:13 PM Post #10
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Oh, awesome. After taking the zappity d00m blasts, the little blue cretin had went on the offensive, managing to get a few attacks in before... getting smack around. Again. Damn, if I didn't want to have to do any infighting, I'd have to think of some way to even the odds... hmm?

"I'm sorry you pathetic monkey, but... eh, TIME'S UP! FEEL THE WRATH OF THE FURON EMPIRE!" What the hell was the dumbarse broad talking abou-

Oh. Riiiiiiight.

The ceiling that was now in the process of... disintegrating, as a massive purplish death beam of d00m blew it, narrowly missing myself. Yay teleportation! Too bad the wall didn't have it, eh wot wot?

On the other hand, the CEILING AND TWO OF THE WALLS HAD JUST BEEN BLOWN UP BY A GIANT ALIEN TRIPOD THING WITH TRIPLE BEAM TENTACLE THINGS ON TOP OF IT. AND THE THIRD ONE WAS SHOOTING AT ME NOW.

Phew, yay teleportaHOLY **** those other two reloaded fast! Oh, bloody ****ing ****sicles, we had to get OUT of here! Maybe on that conveniently placed helicopter with a handsome Scientologist/actor dangling out on a rope... no, he and the 'chopper were just melted, due to LAZOR BEEMS, AGAIN. The blonde feeler chick was laughing maniacally, some odd flying saucers were flying around firing superheated plasma balls at everyone and everything, and from the screams outside, it wasn't much better on the ground. The two doom bunnies were advancing on the little Mudkip, and... oh hell, this was what teleportationey skillz were FOR, yo.

"CUUUUUUUT! Timeskip, two seconds. Resume film!"

Oooookay then, odd blue voices asi-wait, how the hell did I know he had a blue voice? What IS a blue voice? Ugh, this is SUCH utter bullcrap... meh, BACK TO ADVENTURE! And if I ever hear that damn voice again...

Right, right, epic tale yada yada. We just totally teleported outside the building... with rather good timing, since another of those beam tripod things was swaying up (if "swaying" can be used as a verb subbed in for walking), and being all PEW PEW SUPAH LAZORS on the building. well DAYumn, that was good timing, and the blonde weirdo lady was... dead...

Oh god dammit all to the bloody rectally erupting hell, it just kept getting BETTER and BETTER. Not only was that not an isolated incident, but now we were in the middle of utter chaos. People running and screaming (and getting squished/vaporized/melted/drenched/chopped up/smashed/exploded/flying/teleporting/plunger-attacked/murderized/pwnt/owned/killed/deadified/not alive/shot/zapped/drowning/rabbitified), Pokémon of every sort running around pwning everything (and not really helping the people), and for some odd reason, I saw a small group of odd, bipedal bunnies wielding plungers dashing off into the background. On the plus side, I'd grabbed that stupid badge thing the bitch had been holding before leaving; it was probably an ancient summoning device, or... something. Right, back to the show!

And I haven't even mentioned what was CAUSING the problem yet!

YOU GUESSED IT, ALIEN INVASION! Whatever the hell these "Furons" actually looked like, they had NICE taste in death machines; lithe, lazor tentacle wielding triple tentacles sprouting tripods, odd, death-beam-dispensing floating circular stereotypical UFOs (cool as they looked; these babies just SCREAMED "DOOM!"), and apparently... ice cream cones. HUNDREDS OF THEM!

Seriously, ice cream cones. The stupid things were raining down like a plague of babies, but half as smelly and twice as lethal; I watched one slam into a building, and the building exploded on the spot. Oooookay, we were kind of in... weirdo land, pretty much, stuck with a partially incapacitated retard Mudkip and plenty of chaos. Well, chaos was always good... well, when I WASN'T causing it, not so much. Whoever the hell beat me to leveling this damn city was going to PAY, horribly, with a bare minimum of a horribly agonizing castration, and possibly a good skullf-err, friendly... helpful Shadow Ball. IN THE CROTCH!

...

......

All righty oh then, I really don't tend to think of large swords flying around and impaling people as a major threat, but perhaps I'd been a bit... off, there. For some unknown reason, I had a large sword-looking thing stuck rather painfully through my stomach, and HOLY HELL THAT HURT.

Ugh, damn backstabbing Scyther... HATE KILL HATE KILL HATE! Focusing my noodly appendages once again, I forced the sword thing out through the entrance (with mucho pain on my part, thank you kindly), and after riping it off its' owner, used it as a floating scythe, albeit without a handle. Psykik POWAHZ do the job anyways, y'know?

Ugh, this wasn't good, though, not at all. I'd taken out the Scyther, yes, but there was a horde of Rhydon trampling towards us, and since both myself and my little blue companion were rather on the "badly messed up" side, and blood was still trying to escape the pitiful barrier I'd erected, this was not going to end well.

Damn, I'd almost pray to that little runt's gods for help right now... heh, I'm going to die anyways, why not give it a shot? "Hey bluebell, got any of that Infinite Mudkip Armada to back us up? This really isn't going to well, and I'm not really able to concentrate too well for a decent Teleport..."
 
Feon Apr 21 2007, 12:06 PM Post #11
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Life, man.
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Right then, an alien invasion? Okay, this is cool, stay calm, everything will be all right. Just don't freak out or anything. My comrade had asked me a question, and I, being the master of Socratic wit and irony that I am, replied.

"Yes, I could call them. I could call the Mudkips! Oh, I'm a genius to the utmost degree!"

Once again, I focused my internal energies, wasted as they were from settling on this pathetic plane of being. I made the necessary gestures and said the necessary chants, all was going well.

"WHO CALLS UPON THE MASTER OF MUDKIP BATTLE, WAR CZAR AGEUS KIPP??!"

The booming voice echoed throughout my mind, only I could hear it. I'm sure I looked crazy when I replied.

"Only a humble servant of your cause m'lord, utter destruction of all unworthy planes! I call upon you to help us combat a band of rouge Furons, who somehow escaped death. We will need about 1/45 of the army, that should be plenty."

"INDEED! I SHALL COME AT ONCE! SOON, THEY WILL ALL PERI---"

"Honey, shouldn't we try to reason with them?"

"Shut your mouth Karen! I don't need you telling me what to do, I'm the War Czar and I can-"

"Thank you for not using your loud voice, I appreciate it dear."

"Oh, yes your welcome, I mean, SILENCE! IT DOES MY HEART LITTLE GOOD, BUT I SHALL TRY TO REASON WITH THESE FURONS!"

I sighed, so that was marriage, how very heart-wrenchingly sickening. Anyway, I soon noticed how the earth was trembling, and a large, gaping whole was splitting the battlefield into two sides. On one side, the Furon army, on the other Me and my lackey. The chasm grew larger and larger, until it was at least 20 feet in diameter. A rumbling cry echoed from deep within.

"MUUUUUDKKKKIIIPPPPPS! FORWARD!"

Suddenly, from all sides scurried throngs of angry Mudkips, swarming toward me. I had naught to fear however, they were on my side. As the last of the brigade entered this world, a new sight appeared. A large golden Bidoof, it's hair spun from the finest silk climbed out from the chasm. On it's back, rested our War Czar, Ageus Kipp.

"FURONS! SEND A REPRESENTATIVE TO REASON WITH ME!"

As he had commended, a small and timid Furon was sent to the other side of the hole, our side. Ageus looked at him with what must have been the utmost contempt, for you could hear the grim pleasure of war dripping from his next words.

"What say you, Furon? What does your master hope to acquire from this little attack?"

The Furon toyed with his shirt, and replied quietly.

"All we require is this. A simple offering of psychic power and knowledge. We desire only to enhance our own abilities."

"Knowledge of death and the decimation of your troops, you'll find plenty of both down there."

Ageus nodded down towards the pit, his eyes burning with blood lust.

"Th-this is blasphemy War Czar, this is madness!"

The battle-hardened War Czar pulled out a scabbard from his belt. He pointed it at the Furon messenger.

"Madness?"

Ageus looked towards his troops, simultaneously we all nodded, we knew his plan.

"THIS IS MUUUUUDDDDDKIIIIIPPPPP!"

With a howl of rage, Ageus swung the deadly blade, slicing the Furon in two. His screams echoed down the pit. Ageus turned to us and pointed.

"NOW!"

The whole army cheered and started to run towards the Furon rebels.

The Mudkip next to me was scared, I could tell from his jittery attitude. He turned to me.

"The Furon mindblasts will block out the sun!"

I replied, as coolly as I possibly could.

"Then we fight in the shade."

The armies clashed together, the front lines screamed. The clashing of blades and the steady boom of mindblasts was drowned out by the steady sound of my heart, racing.

 
Ky Ordrelin Aug 21 2007, 07:45 PM Post #12
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