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A small story introduction
Tweet Topic Started: Dec 30 2006, 11:42 AM (153 Views)
Emma Dec 30 2006, 11:42 AM Post #1
Unregistered

I've been wondering for a long time whether to continue this story or not, I'd appreciate some comments and I'll love you (Not literally XD) if you help me decide whether to continue it. Here it is:

---------------

I could feel the cold, wet snow slowly settling on my body, my feet were beginning to sink under the soft cotton-like surface below me and the calm, night wind hitting my soft skin. I was standing outside the place I once called "home" but now, all that is left of this "home" is burnt rubble. I felt as if I was paralyzed, I attempted to walk forward a few times, but no matter how much I wanted to, my legs just wouldn't move. There was nothing I could do anyway, they'd be dead... My parents are dead.

The fire began to fade away the more it snowed, it must've been a few hours now and I still couldn't move, I wanted to cry and run, never to look back but I knew I couldn't... there was too many questions in my mind that need to be answered before I even think of running away. Why did those people do this? Who did this? What did my parents do to deserve something like this? These questions were repeating in my head as I just stood there, looking at the remains of my parents severely burned bodies.

Above me the dark sky was being clouded by thick, fog, I managed to turn my head around to explore my surroundings, behind the tall oak trees were shaddowed paths, it would be impossible to find my way out if I ever entered the forest, especially in the dark. All of the wood, bricks and burnt furniture in front of me was blocking the only way out, obviously I couldn't get out of here just yet without getting injured, I'd have to wait until morning.

I finally regained my strength to move, I struggled pulling my feet out of the snow covering them, from what I could see of them the skin looked like prunes, when I managed to get them out they felt uncomfortably numb, making it hard to move them. After dragging the other foot out of the snow I went to take a step forward, as soon as I stepped one of my feet in front of the other I immediatly fell back with great force, they were too cold and stiff to be able to walk, as I lay back not wanting to move I continued to stare at the sky above me, it all seemed so calm and I could no longer feel the cold. After minutes of staring I felt my eyes swell up with tears, I cried silently hoping that this was all a dream, I told myself continuesly it was all a dream, but in reality I knew it was all really happening. Eventually I was too tired to cry any more, because it was so cold the tears running down my cheeks frosted up and embedded into my skin, my eyes began to shut and everything was going dark, when my eyes closed completely I decided it was better to just let myself go, as my body began to relax I heard something I've never heard before, I felt my blood rise to my head as I stood up in fear, I could feel my legs tremble and my heart speed up twice the rate, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I heard the footsteps behind me come closer, within seconds I felt a hot, heavy, violent breath against my neck, I turned around immediatly and came face to face with a pair of large, red, bloody thirsty eyes.
 
Deleted User Feb 13 2007, 12:57 AM Post #2
Deleted User

:O
Being a writer myself I truely think you have something to work with. I mean the persons parents had been murdered, house burnt down and something scary is right behind them. Yup I definately think you should continue!
Great Job, really descriptive aswell.
;)
 
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