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The Embarassing Debacle That Is Round 3; *sigh*
Topic Started: Aug 17 2006, 06:27 AM (104 Views)
thefreakhimself
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So I twisted this a bit. The first 4 pages or so of intro that I wrote after the recovery I left. Then I did some run down for the rest of the card, as if there was a satelite problem and the feed was lost. I appologize for the poor quality of the card, especially to you 4, who put your heart and soul into those bad ass RP's. I couldn't decide on a winner. You 4 all tied in my opinion. The winners were decided with the help, once again, of my girl, my little bro, and my wrestling buddy, Tex...hah...and I re-read and clarified before deciding. ENjoy...will post new threads by Monday, after I have a talk with Shan. Peace!



The Freak, Himself Tournament Round 3

(We open up, once again, to the jam packed American Bank Center in Corpus Christi, Texas, though no bread or peanut butter has yet to be found. The crowd cheers as some very impressive pyrotechnics light up, and the screen flashes Freak’s video. “Suffocating Sight” plays, and Frealk and Harmony make their way to the entrance ramp with a new man in tow. This man stands about five nine, has a nice head of brown hair, and looks as if he’s rarely walked in his life as he stumbles to follow them, which in all honesty, he hasn’t. He wears a nice silk shirt and a pair of dress jeans. No boxes tonight, friends. In case nobody has been paying attention, before the triple threat tag match, there was an accident in a lab that resulted in Narrator becoming a living, breathing human. And like Bastian in the Neverending Story, it’s time, in front of a live audience, for Freak to Christian him with a new name lest he be picked on and ass whooped by the Nothing. Or by the general public, who are probably as equally void of presence. Freak grabs the house mic as he and Harmony help Narrator to his seat.)

Freak: So tonight should be a momentous occasion. No waiting for the finals, folks. Rated R and RazorBlade will fight in that very ring, tonight, and nobody else buy The Freak, Himself will be the referee!

(The crowd cheers their approval)

Freak: Myst and Wren will battle it out for the chance to take on the winner of said match. Now, normally, I would ban Rated R from ringside for that match, but A, he wouldn’t listen to me if he had an ear full of dicks and I was the only pussy in town, and B, I expect him to be more than incapacitated after the match I have planned. All I ask is that you don’t kick Myst and Wren to the side. Their match will be just as good, if not better, than the Re-Clashing of the R named Wrestlers. If nothing else, friends, just know this: lubricant will be involved.

(Huge pop)

(((Freak: And, added recently so that this card could showcase more than just the semi-finals, our demonic friend, Diablo has returned to take on Frank Merritt in a grudge match. Now…the wheel has been laid to rest for this year, folks. I have decided the stipulations already. However, I’m having trouble thinking of something for Diablo and Frank.

(Many people in the crowd yell out suggestions, Scaffold, Street fight, and Puppy Love…whatever the hell that is…are amongst the more audible.)

Freak: Let me think about that one while I move on to a small matter of importance.)))

The man sitting at the announcers table is not my brother, nor a relative of any kind. He’s not a new company announcer, and he’s not a fan who did anything sexual to anyone to get a go at the big time. He is none other than the voice from the box you’ve been hearing for the past two rounds, and the voice Harmony and I have been hearing for the last two years, Narrator. And thanks to bad science, he needs a name to compliment his new body.

(The crowd reacts with confusion, but seems excited at the prospect of botched scientific experiments. Narrator attempts to lift a hand and smacks himself in the eye. He lets out a moan and jumps at the sound. He hasn’t had a body long…)

Freak: So after much deliberation, I have decided. He’s intelligent, arrogant, spiteful, a curmudgeons curmudgeon, a connoisseur of fine dining he has yet to taste, and a lover of comedies, tragedies, and H.P. Lovecraft. Therefore, I have chosen the name….

(The crowd quiets with anticipation…)

Freak: And his name is….Artie Fufkin!

(The crowd roars it’s approval, which they would have regardless of the name. Narrator looks angry at the bad Spinal Tap reference as his new name before falling out of the chair and onto his face. Harmony helps him up as he rubs his cheek, missing his hurting nose completely)

Freak: For the next few weeks, Harmony and I will be teaching Artie here how to…well…walk, move, function in general. Thank Christ that tongue lost none of it’s edge, however, because, well, if it sounded like I was dirty talking an illiterate twelve year old, some officers of the law might show up and, frankly, we really don’t need the bad press with all the injuries that have already been sustained. So, now that we have the Artie situation under wraps, (((let’s get to business with the Frank and Diablo match.

(As with before, the lights go out. Moments later, they fade away, but to early it seems, as Diablo can be seen running down the ramp way. As soon as the lights turn on and give his position away, he stops running and kicks the ring steps hard before sliding into the ring. He points at Freak, and Freak shrugs and makes a gesture that either means he’ll take Diablo out for spaghetti afterward or he’ll take care of the light guy later. Diablo looks as if he’s in the mood for the spaghetti. Then again, I think everybody should be in the mood for spaghetti, so I’m biased. “Animal I have Become” by Three Days Grace plays and Frank Merritt walks out from the back to mild reaction. Pyro erupts, and Frank flees and roars. Harmony joins Frank in his descent to the ring, and as the two enter, Freak grabs the mic)

Freak: Ok, so I couldn’t figure out what the hell to do as far as this match is concerned. I am a man of meticulous planning that borders OCD, so when this match was booked in a hurry, I was confused as a half deaf republican with a fifth grade vocabulary at a Dennis Miller show. However, I’ve pulled something together that I hope will fit the occasion. Since tonight will be a night of old classics with a twist, much akin to the new Hawaiian Punch formula, *cheesy smile and swig of the tasty beverage*. )))


Freak: *picking up the house mic* Ok, so some of you might find me as anti-climactic as that horrible remake of the Time Machine, but instead of holding off the obvious main event for the…well…main event…the next match will be Rated R vs. Razor.

(The deafening roars speak their approval)

Freak: I think Myst and Wren will give a showing on par with these two, otherwise they wouldn’t have made it this far. Anyone who has counted those two out must be high on paint chips. Which can be bought at your local Home Depot, along with all the ladders, chains, and chairs that will be used today. *cheesy smile*

Artie: Let’s not discuss your extra curriculars…

Freak: So, the details. We’ve had fun, but this is a serious match that deserves a serious set of rules. So, this match combines a few oldies into something I dare say might get the survivor arrested. Around the ring, as you can now see, are four tables, parallel with the ring itself. On top of each of those tables lies a ladder, two ten foot ladders, a fifteen foot, and a twenty foot. Suspended above the ring, over each one of the ring posts, hangs a briefcase.

(The crowd, catching Freak’s drift, buzzes in anticipation)

Freak: In one of those cases, I have placed a slip to the finals. In the other three…well…let’s just say I got some assistance from Leech on that one. He’s hoping Rated R opens a lot of wrong cases tonight, and Razor…well…good luck, buddy. Now…to add to the fun, I, as I mentioned last week, will be the ref of this match. More so, an enforcer. I won’t fuck with either opponent unless first provoked, but you’d better be damned sure I won’t go down with a punch to the head. Now who’s ready to get this football almost destined for a horrendous conclusion in the end zone?

(The crowd cheers, and Freak makes his way to the ring as “I Hate Everything About You” by Three Days Grace plays. Harmony takes Freak’s announcing seat, and as Rated R comes out from the back to pyro, he smiles in Freaks direction before walking over towards Harmony. He picks the house mic up off of the announcers table as Harmony eyes him warily, and as Freak turns to face the entrance, the music fades, and Rated R begins his monologue)

Rated R: Now did you think I was going to wrestle in a match this historical…neigh…this epic, without a little good luck kiss, Freak?

(Rated R smirks and leans toward Harmony while Freak looks on. As Rated R turns his smile towards the homicidal vixen, however, he’s met with an aerosol can of Aqua Net at level with his eyes. Freak grabs a mic from ringside as Rated R’s face changes to one of mild annoyance)

Freak: Nothing personal, Ryan, but I tasted stale Twinkies and kitty litter for a week after last time. You wouldn’t believe how hard mace is to come by these days! Still…we can make your eyebrows stand on end, if you want to persist.

Rated R: (backing away from Harmony) Fine then. God knows what she’s picked up since the last the time anyway. I want to say one thing, though, before stepping through those ropes.

(Rated R begins descending towards the ring)

Rated R: Today ends a war that beguiles time itself. Just because it only lasted a year doesn’t make it as old as Christ. Razor and I have been through more battles than Napoleon, and true to the old saying, neither of us have really won said war. Today, that war culminates. Only one of us will walk away with the flag held high while the other lies crippled and depleted. We will always be a part of one another, but only the victor will remember these battles fondly, while the loser will wake up every morning and go to sleep every night with the stale taste of loss on their lips. Motivation fuels war. Razor seeks pride, the chance to go out proud and true. I seek to destroy Myst, and if I must defile and decimate my greatest opponent to do so, than so be it. Wren, she’s inconsequential. Razor doesn’t have the motivation to win the war, but I’m out to break ground into Myst and drain her of life’s oil. Rather that happens tonight or in the finals, only time will tell. But the motivation remains, because for Myst, there remains a chance to survive through the night. Razor, however…we’d best prepare the bugles and the alert the undertaker. Let the final battle of World War Three begins.

(Rated R tosses the microphone aside and finishes his walk towards the ring. Freak, enchanted by Rated R’s words, tosses the microphone to the outside. Rated R stops at the table, apparently to bring a ladder into the ring with him, but Razor, not waiting for his music, runs down the ramp. Freak rings the bell, and Rated R looks up in time for Freak to point behind him. Rated R turns around as Razor collides with his body, spearing him over the table so that the two men end up in a heap of punches and elbows on the floor, the ladder ending up on top of them)

Rated R vs. RazorBlade

(The two men begin two stand as they continue punching each other. To end the dispute, Razor reaches a hand up and, grabbing the ladder that rests on his back, ducks slightly and pulls it sharply forward into the forehead of Rated R. Rated R backs into the apron, a bit dazed, and Razor uses the opportunity to slide underneath the ropes and pull backwards on the head and neck of Rated R. Using the second rope as leverage, Rated R’s feet lift from the ground, and Rated R soon struggles to escape the hold. Finally, Rated R grabs the top rope and yanks himself up, so that he ends up standing on the apron, and before Razor can do much moving, Rated R steps down hard on his left hand. Razor gets to his knees and cradles the hand while Rated R steps through the ropes. Rated R kicks Razor in the chest, putting his back to the mat, and goes for a quick elbow drop. Razor moves, gets to his feet, and locks an arm bar onto Rated R as he rises. Rated R reverses it, Razor pushes Rater R into the ropes and goes for a drop kick, but Rated R holds onto the ropes and avoids it. Rated R turns into Razor, but Razor monkey flips him over. Rated R lands on his back, and both men nip up before turning to face each other. The crowd roars it’s approval as both men grin)

Artie: Barely five minutes in, and they’ve already got the crowd roaring. Poor Freak must be annoyed that it isn’t over yet, as I think it usually takes him about that long.

Harmony: Oh, you make fun of him all you want, dear Artie, but you’re a real boy now, and Freak does by me just fine. If anything, I’d worry about getting some yourself before you become the butt of the sexual jokes.

Artie: After seeing the kind of stuff you do to each other, I’d rather stay a version.

Harmony You watched us!?!?

Artie: Uhm…Wow, great German suplex by Rated R!

(Rated R holds on to Razor, flips over, and hit’s a release German onto Razor to follow up the move. Standing up, he looks towards Freak, who simply stands idle by and offers a small gold clap, before picking Razor up by the head and whipping him into the ropes. As Razor comes back, Rated R picks him up in a side slam position and hit’s a snap backbreaker onto his knee. Razor grabs his lower back as Rated R gives it a couple of kicks and grabs a leg, locking on a single leg crab. Freak drops to make sure Razor won’t tap, and as he does so, Rated R reaches backwards and grabs the top rope for leverage. Razor howls in pain, and Freak looks up just after Rated R lets go. Freak looks back down, Rated R repeats the move, Razor repeats the howl. This time, however, when Freak looks up, Rated R still has his hand on the rope, and Freak breaks the hold up. Rated R argues as Freak defends his position, and Razor takes the opportunity to School boy Rated R for the first pin attempt. 1...2...kickout.)

Artie: This is a ladder match? Why did he break up the hold?

Harmony: For the same reason that Lucifer defected to hell. The big guy pissed him off. Rated R may think he’s God in this match, but Freak knows how to counter his little mind games.

Artie: What does that make Razor?

Harmony:

Razor clotheslines Rated R after reversing an atomic back breaker. Rated R is quick to his feet, but Razor only kicks them back out from under him, Razor then backs against the ropes, and as Rated R gets to his knees, front flips over Rated R, grabbing his head as he does so, and hit’s a wicked neck breaker onto Rated R. Razor is quick to stand up, back against the rope again, and drop a knee into the neck of Rated R. He holds it there, choking Rated R, and Freak walks over to Razor before asking Rated R if he was ready to give up. Rated R swings a wild fist as he struggles for breath and it clocks Freak in the eye. Freak milks the injury for all it’s worth)

Artie: Everybody knows he’s faking.

Harmony: But nobody cares.

Artie:…..everybody knows you fake, too.

Harmony: Only really early in the morning, and only if I’m awake.

Artie: He…when you’re asleep…uhm…

Harmony: *Harmony smiles* You lack imagination for someone who used to dwell in them.

(Black feed)

Attention: Due to unforeseen circumstances, the feed for the rest of the tournament was disconnected from all forms of audience with the exception of those who were in attendance. Though the show went off without a hitch, those who were watching on television missed it in it’s entirety. Therefore, at the request of The Freak, Himself, all households who missed the show will be getting some free swag from many of his sponsors. Moose, Leech, and Howard Smith of 10th Street, Hartfard, Mass. should expect their merchandise soon. The following shall display the highlights of the night.

The Rated R vs. RazorBlade match went pretty much as it started, for those who saw. Plenty of violence and creative uses of the ladder. Halfway through the match, one of the suitcases started leaking oil. The two men decided to stay away from that suitcase, figuring that it wouldn’t hold the winning slip. After some good back and forth action, Razor sandwiched Rated R between the ladder and set him up on the guardrail and the apron. Razor then removed his shirt as he climbed the top rope and lept, actually folding the ladder slightly and cutting open Rated R’s pectoral muscle as he crumpled in the ladder. Though the match almost ended due to injury, both men eventually got to their feet, the first of who was RazorBlade. He was the first to open a suitcase, and from it fell the long lost pet of our dear friend Leech, his dead cat. Sealed in a plastic bag, Razor was relieved that he didn’t have to deal with kitten bits falling everywhere. He did, however, use one of the razor blades in his wrist tape to cut the bag and toss it at Rated R, causing more than one fan to hurl. Rated R, not disgusted by the bits but by the act and the fact that an animal was harmed in such a manner, went into over drive, hitting a succession of turnbuckle power bombs onto Razor before guillotining Razor with the ladder. Rated R opened the second suitcase to get met with a face full of Gak, which sent Rated R blindly to the mat. Razor, not able tog et up right away due to a hurt knee, instead kicked the ladder over, causing it to land on Ryan’s midsection. Both men writhed for a short period before reaching their feet and starting the abuse all over again. This is the point in the match when the ladders met more flesh than thought imaginable. The two crumpled each other between them, with them, on top of them. Rated R even, at one point, sandwiched Razor between one and, using the leg toss manuever, sent the ladder, with the man in it, flying over the top rope. Rated R, however, was hit in the chin as he did so, and thusly both men were once again down. Finally, at the end of the match, Razor hit the RazorBlade Kiss onto Rated R and set a ladder up quickly, climbing to the suitcase without the dripping oil. In it, however, was nothing. One of Freak’s tricks, obviously. To hide the prize where it would least likely be found. Rated R jumped off of the second rope, turned, and grabs Razor’s head just as he was turning around, to hit the restricted. It was at this point of the match where Rated R was at his most violent. He took razor blades out of Razor’s own wrist tape and began opening wounds from the second round before pummeling Rated R with closed fists. Freak, who had been knocked out previously after a Restricted, tried to pull him off, but was only hit with a second finisher from Rated R. Before Rated R could go back to work, however, Mysts music began playing over the loud speaker. Rated R looked back at the entrance, grinning. He stood up to wait for her, but nothing. Finally, after a few moments, he turned back to finish Razor, only to be met with Razor spitting vodka through a lighter and into his face. Rated R fell to the met, his face hurting but not scared, as Razor took his turn with Rated R. Setting a ladder up, Razor half dragged Rated R up it before the two began a battle of punches. Looking to get the upper hand, Rated R set Razor up for another restricted, but Razor, reversed it into a cobra clutch. Finally, after Rated R had faded a bit, Razor jumped down and climbed up to meet Ryan, setting him atop the ladder. Razor jumped and drop kicked Rated R in the chest, and the ladder fell backwards, sending Rated R flying over the rope and crashing into the floor, Razor himself falling down swiftly and landing atop the ladder. Freak, awake and showing compassion for both men, calls a timeout for EMT’s to check the two. Both men refuse help, and Rated R slowly stands and climbs into the ring, where Freak signals the match to restart. The two go for a lockup, but Rated R sidestepped it and punched Razor hard in the side of the head. Razor dropped, and we saw Rated R smile that his knuckles were clad in brass. He hits Razor twice more for good measure, until Freak noticed. As Freak tried to stop Rated R, Freak gets a Restricted for his troubles. Rated R then set a ladder up underneath the final suitcase and began his assent. He reached the case after a slow climb, opened it, and the oil spilled all over Freak and Razor as he laughed and holds his ticket high above his head. As he slowly made his way off of the ladder, he tilted it onto the Freak as he stepped out and limped to the back, the surprising victor of our match.

Diablo then showed up to the ring, but Frank Merritt was nowhere to be seen. Freak, not wanting to disappoint Diablo, sent him his equally large, equally dark cousin Moloch, from Leech’s old NPA, to the ring, and the two duked it out in a no DQ match. Diablo won after some good back and forth action after setting two stacked tables next to the turnbuckle and tomb stoning Moloch through them.

Finally, the main event. Myst and Wren brought everything promised and more in a cage match, Myst’s second of the tournament. The twist brought on by freak? The cage was covered in Astroglide. As well, four boxes sat at the top of the corners containing goodies, if the competitors could reach them. The cage had no door and could only be won by exiting the cage, and only after the four boxes had been opened. The two women began with some very technical maneuvers before Wren started getting the upper hand on Myst. Drilling Myst with three vertical suplexes and a brain buster DDT, Wren was the first to begin her climb. She couldn’t even get one rung up, as she slipped every time she tried. Finally, frustrated, she went back to work on Myst. Wren went for a double armed DDT, but Myst reversed it into a bridge suplex. Myst dropped a leg on Wren, followed by an impressive snap suplex, before trying the cage, herself. After having the same luck as Wren, Myst removed her wrestling shirt, clad in a bra only, and began wiping clean the lubricant. She tried again to climb and succeeded to climb the wiped steps, but as she got to the third rung, Wren pulled her back to the mat by the back of her pants. For a few minutes, some great back and forth action ensued,. Wren, tying Myst in the ropes, was the first to climb the cage without interference, reaching a box. Inside the box was a bag of tacks, and Wren wasted no time in dumping them towards the tied up Myst, who only narrowly escaped the falling pushpins. Wren started to climb downward, but Myst shook the cage, actually causing Wren, herself, to fall into the thumbtacks and writhe in pain. Myst pulled Wren away from the tacks and delivered a modified face buster, driving Wren’s face into Myst’s knee, before climbing and reaching a second box, herself. Myst found in the box a steel chair, and tossed it to the mat. Seeing Wren still prone, Myst climbed about halfway down the cage and jumped backwards, missing an elbow drop as Wren rolled out of the way. In a short sight by Freak, the astroglide, no longer slippery, had turned sticky and offered nothing more than annoyance for our competitors. A few more minutes of back and forth action, ending with Myst being pile driven into the chair, ended as Wren climbed for the third box, and Rated R made his presence felt. Rated R climbed up to meet Wren as she pulled a bag of sand out of the box. Rated R grabbed the bag from Wren and pushed her off of the cage, causing her to land awkwardly in the ring. Rated R then climbed into the ring, antiqued a large handful of sand into the face of Wren, and hit the Restricted on her before saying that he told her not to get in his way. He began climbing back over the cage as Wren and Myst recuperated, and waited at the top of the ramp for Myst to get the win, but, surprisingly, she helped clear the sand from Wren’s eyes and actually waited for her to get her bearings before continuing, not giving Rated R the pleasure of embarrassing her with an easy win. Rated R tried to storm back to the ring, but in payback from he previous weeks, Freak intercepted him and hit the Vertical Smile onto the entrance ramp, laying Rated R out. It was Freak’s turn to smile. The fourth box was opened by Myst as she waited for Wren, and inside was a large chain. Once Wren recuperated, Myst wasted no time in wrapping it around Wren’s neck and using it to her advantage. The climax of the match came when Myst, after being put down by a super kick, got up to the top in time to intercept Wren from climbing over. Wrapping her legs around the blue steel at the top of the cage, Myst german suplexes Wren from the top of the cage and into the ring. Myst, having hooked her legs through the openings, stayed put, and climbed to a well earned victory.

So the finals are Myst and Rated R. SO much blood and hate to be let loose. A war will be won, and the loser will be shamed. Who will win? Tune in next time…
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"There's nothing to fear but The Freak, Himself"

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**Harmony Fellacia**Narrator**The Freak, Himself**
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