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a social question
Topic Started: Oct 29 2006, 04:05:29 AM (339 Views)
Fanny
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animejunkie

i'd just like to ask you guys on whether you guys have left a group because u didnt fit in and the people didnt talk to you. In other words, u felt left out and there was the main reason why u left.

Now, those group members have started noticing you and keep 'bugging' you to come back. Which leaves me to coin the phrase: 'people only notice when something is gone'.

so if you were in the situation, what would you do?
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fanaticalism -> fanny.
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swtazngal


Hmm..well that's an interesting question to ask.

In all honesty it really depends on the person themselves. Like me for example, I'm more of a person who likes to be with friends, but at the same time I enjoy being an antisocial too. Normally, I just stay on the side lines and stay quiet. I really don't care whether or not my friends talk to me as often as other people only because I'm a person who isn't really born to be a part of society.
Now, if I were to leave and then all of a sudden my friends kept annoying me to come back to their little group..That would be harder to conclude. Probably for me, I would tell them that I wouldn't want to hang around them anymore just 'cause I don't want to. In the first place, I'm not truely a good friend to them especially because of what I believe. If my friends can't respect that then they aren't really considered friends anymore.

However if this were to be a situation in which you had somethign going on and there is a reason OTHER THAN personality traits, I would say just fess up and talk about it with your friends in a calm and respectful way. That's the only thing that I can really say, even though half the times the results end up not being what you want. But at the same time, we shouldn't be suprised by that. It's a flip a coin deal. You either get what you want or don't, but at the most part, at least the people you talked with hear your voice.

And I totally agree with you with that phrase..it's far too true. Sometimes it makes me happy, sometimes it makes me mad or annoyed.

Yet another one of life's many experiences that we must experience
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gnaxiw
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Yui's no. 1!!

Yes I have, but they never bugged me back. If I were you I would tell them I'd prefer to be alone, which is very me cos I really like to be alone, which is why I seldom attend group outings, and I seem to have many friends, but very few close ones.

Yea so if I were you, I'd probably stay away and find my own breathing space. But I don't know if your like me, fanny.
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SmaleC
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Hmmm Truly I was hanging with few difrent grups of friends so I didn't really noticed that I was rejected from one... I simply lost contact with them... I don't try to find it again same as they... I have ppl to party with so nothing wrong hapen... but didn't I fit to them?.... hmmmm? If i'd be compared to them... I've got ADHD so maybe that's reason XD
 
ryon
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hmm...do you mean you were "in the group" in the first place... where everyone talked to you... and now suddenly stopped talking to you or take notice of you....?


anyways.... it would depend on how much i personally like or am comfortable with the group itself.... if i like the people in the group and really enjoy the company... then yea... i'll just go back (oh well, maybe they didn't mean to leave me out...) ... but if they are just normal friends who i'd just be passing time with... then... nah... i'd have better things to do then to go back....

but in any case like gnaxiw, i'd still prefer to be alone.... lol...
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AditZ
YUI Lover & Knight!

It depends. As for me, "go away" sometimes could be a way to make your existence needed.

But if you think you didn't belong to that group, then continue your leave.
I'm very proud with the way this forum develops without me.
It's way better then when I started.
Great job to our current active admins and mods.
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Fanny
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animejunkie

thanks for the advice guys, yeah leaving the group has been somewhat refreshing.. to tell the truth, the group i left was actually my church youth small group..

Where I go, there are lots of cliques there, usually made up of alot of JC (junior college) people and (prominent) secondary school kids. So u could say, the place is sort of a 'high class' zone. I come from a polytechnic (where the system is identical to the US school system) and I suppose I make up the 'others' category.

so yeah, they've been texting me msgs to go back, but I dont want to. now the problem is, I wan to tell them 'no' politely.
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fanaticalism -> fanny.
(in case pple wonder if i'm a girl ;D)

Check out the new YLRTS v2.0 that Brad and I made!!!

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gnaxiw
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Yui's no. 1!!

Fanny, you shouldn't think that because your cell members are so called "more sophisticated" you should feel left out. I feel that, wherever you come from, it doesn't matter.

I was from an independent school, now a neighbourhood jc, + i have friends from all over. Well-known jcs to neighbourhood ones to school dropouts to poly undergrads, uni hons undergrads, ite......... I kinda understand how you feel cos I know those from prestigious tend to look down on others who are not of their calibre. But church cell group is supposed to bring people from all walks of life together. All should treat one another with respect imo. So don't feel inferior. On your part, you should be more optimistic.

Easier said than done, I do feel inferior when I'm with top-end jcs students. Nonetheless, I know what I'm talking about cos I've been to a prestigious school, and now the lousiest jc in singapore. I know how both sides feel. Afterall, if you really need to stay away, perhaps you could tell them there's something missing between yourselves.


My longest post ever. :rolleyes:
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hebikage
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Soulkeeper

if you ever felt left out and your never needed, that's the time to leave. people need other people to either be their guide or their stepping stone...and there's a point in life that you'll no longer be needed, so i think it's time to take a time off...go out, watch the clear blue sky during the daytime or gaze to the starry sky at night...
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ryon
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lol fanny... i was in the same position as you a some years back... was asked to go to cell group... but i didn't want to (though i was just lazy... anyways i didn't really feel a part of them either...) ... lol... so everytime they asked i would say yes... but end up not attending... so after awhile they gave up.... lol... but i still see them in church now and then... and we'll still talk for a while...

so it's perfectly fine that you don't want to go.... most importantly is that you are still attending church and maybe in another cell with the "others"... lol... but as to how to tell them politely... i couldn't really think of anything that wouldn't come out sounding wrong.... i suppose you could just tell them the truth about the way you feel... i'm sure they'd understand....

all the best.... :lol:
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gnaxiw
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Yui's no. 1!!

Anyway which church do you go to fanny? City Harvest?
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Fanny
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animejunkie

nope not ciry harvest. i go to barker road methodist church.

gnaxiw: you said 'But church cell group is supposed to bring people from all walks of life together. All should treat one another with respect imo..' That's what I expect of the cell group, but i felt that wasnt the case for mine
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fanaticalism -> fanny.
(in case pple wonder if i'm a girl ;D)

Check out the new YLRTS v2.0 that Brad and I made!!!

my blogg
 
Ty_Sylicus
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YUI's Green Mouse >'.'<

I've had this happen to me as well Fanny. Sadly, my group didn't notice I was gone or miss me at all...which proved how wrong I was to be part of such a group in the first place! <_<

My only advice for you is simple advice.

"Respect others who respect you." Simply put: you are no more or less important than they are, even if you are from different social classes. If a person doesn't respect you, then they are not your real friend.
YUI Itsumo!
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