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Slyrics; I need help with this
Topic Started: Aug 28 2008, 03:46 PM (221 Views)
ZEICHNICHT
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I wrote this song and people dont like it- they say its a too hectic. I need help to tone it down a bit or make it a bit more fluffy. Feel free to edit and lets see what we can come up with...

Flowers for my one-eyed girl.
You used to be a beauty queen.
I stole you when you were 18.

And I broke you in,
Yes I broke you in,
I broke your bones
because you were a wild wild creature.

A needle for my beauty queen,
I'll give you everything you'll dream,
Baby wont you marry me.

And I'll break you in,
I'll break you in,
I'll break your bones
because you are a wild wild creature.

Your scars catch your tears
oh so beautifully.
Your scars hide your young young years
oh so beautifully.

So have another whisky on me
So have another whisky on me
So have another whisky on me
and stop your crying baby, please stop your crying.

Posted Image
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VerySneakyPudding
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Your biological father

Overall I found it was quite good, so I tried not to change too much.

Cream for my one-eyed monster.
ye yes yo
You used to be a beauty queen.
now you're just a ho
I stole you when you were 8.

And I broke you in, wiki wiki
Yes I broke your bling
I smoked your bones
because you were a wild crazy bitch.

A gun for my beauty queen,
I'll give you everything till you'll cream,
Baby wont you make me tea

And I'll break in da club
I'll break the white regime
I'll smoke your bones
because you are a wild horny stallion.

Your scars match your tats
oh so beautifully.
Your scars hide your cellulite
oh so shamelessly

So have another shot on me
So have another spiff on me
So have another dump on me
and stop your shouting bitch, please stop your shouting.
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ZEICHNICHT
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I like ur writing style, very honest and close to reality. must say though, it might be slightly more offensive than my version in parts, although the make me tea line could really work. Think it will be more popular with teens and psychos. Very remeniscent of Soe's drug song...
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someoneelse
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Through the looking glass
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Hahahaha! I like the v s p version, you should change your lyrics!
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someoneelse
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Through the looking glass
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