Complete cunts of gaming

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Complete cunts of gaming; obligatory raeg thread
Tweet Topic Started: Sep 9 2011, 09:15 AM (2,573 Views)
-Blacklightning-	Sep 9 2011, 09:15 AM Post #1
BL;DR Posts: 3,493 Group: Elite Member #80 Joined: September 7, 2010	The topic should explain itself really. If it has a face and it pisses you off, post about it. Murai (Ninja Gaiden, Xbox) Now to be perfectly fair, technically Murai isn't even that hard - anyone who's had a decent amount of experience with the game will attest that he's actually one of the easier bosses in the game. That's not the problem with him. The problem is that he's a blatant beginner's trap - nothing you encounter in the game previous to him will reliably teach you how to beat him, so from the moment he shows up onscreen the learning curve shoots up so bloody steeply that it overhangs and performs a fucking full loop that intersects directly with your anal cavity. Nothing, and I literally mean nothing, that works on the other dudes in the level will work on him. If you just walk up and button mash, he'll immediately out-prioritize you and rape your shit. If you try blocking, he'll go straight for an unblockable grab and rape your shit. If you try spamming shruiken, he'll deflect every single fucking one of them and rape your shit. Extinction Straight Slash? He'll knock you out of it before you even start charging, then rape your shit. Did I mention that your guy is armed with a legendary sword carved from the tooth of a fucking dragon, and that Murai keeps kicking your ass with a pair of ordinary nunchuks? Ninja Gaiden has plenty of memorable examples that could easily have taken Murai's place (honourable mention going to the military segment of the game, where I shit you not, the game expects you to take out two goddamned tanks and a helicopter, back to back, on foot, out in the open, with a fucking bow and arrow), but there was no way I couldn't start this off with Murai, because I actually know people who have never seen more than 30 minutes of this game because of this personified cockblock. Solus (Breakdown) Don't you just hate it when devs justify bosses with ridiculously high HP and nothing else? Making it a long, boring, easy and stupidly-drawn out fight instead of an actual boss fight? Well good news! Here's Solus! In some kind of ridiculous paradox, he's immune to nearly every fucking gun in the game and can only be punched to death! He has attacks that can deal anything from a quarter to your entire health bar in one go! Speaking of health bars, you don't even get to see your HUD, so you don't know how much health or energy you have to begin with! He can pull a ZA WURLDO and slow time for you alone! His boss fight has two phases! He can fucking teleport, cancelling out your lock-on! There are no mid-boss checkpoints! All that, in addition to having ridiculously high HP! So instead of getting a long, boring, easy, stupidly drawn out boss fight as its climax, Breakdown instead sends you through hell's own personal fucking endurance test, where one simple fuckup can singlehandedly get you killed, forcing you to do the entire thing over from scratch. And this is a boss that literally takes 10 minutes to take down. On a good day. Music was fucking awesome though, and the one-liner he pulls on the second phase is possibly the most badass thing I've ever seen in an FPS, but if there's a reason I'll never play this game again, it's probably this cunt. Egg Breaker (Mad Matrix version, Shadow the Hedgehog) YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY THE MORE THE MERRIER YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY THE MORE THE MERRIER YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY THE MORE THE MERRIER YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY THE MORE THE MERRIER YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY THE MORE THE MERRIER YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY THE MORE THE MERRIER



-The Raging Zephyr-	Sep 9 2011, 09:19 AM Post #2
The Winds of Change Posts: 1,254 Group: Elite Member #11 Joined: March 7, 2007	I'm just going to point out for your nunchaku argument that a man who is an expert at wielding a stick can take down anybody lesser than him, so says the anecdote of the duelist who defeated three rapier-wielding men with a quarterstaff, killing one of the men in the process.



-Blacklightning-	Sep 9 2011, 09:21 AM Post #3
BL;DR Posts: 3,493 Group: Elite Member #80 Joined: September 7, 2010	Which essentially just proves my point further, considering I made him out to be a beginner's trap in the first place.



Psycho Werekitsune	Sep 9 2011, 03:55 PM Post #4
Part man...part beast...full psycho! Posts: 17,366 Group: All Powerful Deity Member #1 Joined: December 30, 2005	Minotaur Boss (God of War, PS2/PS3) This probably only applies to God Mode (hardest difficulty) but might also be the case for the one below it. While the minotaur boss is the last boss you fight before the final one, there aren't even that many in this game for that to be a significant assessment of it's difficulty. Because the truth is, even on the highest difficulty, with all your weapons fully upgraded, more or less, there is nothing in this game, NOTHING, that is as hard as this boss. Now glossing over it's attack patterns, it seems easy enough; avoid the shit out of most of his shit and lay the smackdown on him until a command prompt shows up. Then engage in QTEs and head all the way to the other side of the arena to use a stage hazard and knock some of his armour off. Sounds simple enough, right? Except, with each armour piece knocked off, he gets more difficult and adds more attacks to his arsenal. The prompts for his attacks are too similar and he actually has practically unavoidable attacks (one in particular, spewing out fire/lava/whatever pretty much covers an entire third of the fighting space). Avoiding his attacks either take radical movement to different parts of the arena, or initiating one of the spells, which grants you invincibility frames while using it. It took spamming a certain attack at a certain position of the arena (by the lever for said stage hazard, which is up on a platform) using perfect timing while rolldodging certain attacks just to whip him. It was satisfying as fuck, but DAMN, was he a dick. For the record, the final boss (all three phases of it) was much easier than him.
	EMBRACE THE NAKED!


-The Raging Zephyr-	Sep 10 2011, 01:27 AM Post #5
The Winds of Change Posts: 1,254 Group: Elite Member #11 Joined: March 7, 2007	Oh god, the minotaur. That took me a few hours. I don't understand the concept of making bosses more difficult as the fight drags on: In theory, this means that you have to learn new patterns as the fight progresses, but this also means that the boss gets more crap to throw at you while you get nothing in return, just lower health and ammo for the rest of the fight. Plus, when you fight somebody, they normally start at full strength, not at 25% capacity. Hero Core did it right: Start every boss at their strongest, chip away at them until they have no means to attack anymore, then finish them off.



-Ekoi-	Sep 10 2011, 01:47 AM Post #6
Master Posts: 864 Group: Elite Member #72 Joined: November 12, 2009	Night Terror No seriously, fuck this guy.
	Ekoi.deviantArt.com


-Blacklightning-	Sep 10 2011, 01:50 AM Post #7
BL;DR Posts: 3,493 Group: Elite Member #80 Joined: September 7, 2010	Quote: Oh god, the minotaur. That took me a few hours. I don't understand the concept of making bosses more difficult as the fight drags on: In theory, this means that you have to learn new patterns as the fight progresses, but this also means that the boss gets more crap to throw at you while you get nothing in return, just lower health and ammo for the rest of the fight. Plus, when you fight somebody, they normally start at full strength, not at 25% capacity. Hero Core did it right: Start every boss at their strongest, chip away at them until they have no means to attack anymore, then finish them off. I personally equate it with a boss getting increasingly desperate and pissed off as the fight goes on, pretty much exactly how a human player would react had there been anything at stake (of course there almost never is for them, because they get a conveniently place checkpoint to try again afterwards). They realize the basic shit isn't working, so they start pulling out wildcards. Compare: Daigo actually angry. Besides, making a boss fight easier as it progresses seems kind of anticlimactic, but it might depend on the tweaking of certain variables I guess. Edited by Blacklightning, Sep 10 2011, 01:51 AM.



-Emerald Spirit-	Sep 10 2011, 04:49 AM Post #8
Quartermaster and Field Commander of the Baneblade Chapter Posts: 600 Group: Elite Member #36 Joined: April 26, 2008	Blacklightning Sep 9 2011, 09:15 AM Egg Breaker (Mad Matrix version, Shadow the Hedgehog) YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY THE MORE THE MERRIER YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY THE MORE THE MERRIER YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY THE MORE THE MERRIER YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY THE MORE THE MERRIER YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY THE MORE THE MERRIER YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY THE MORE THE MERRIER OH GOD NO MAKE IT GO AWAY DADDY Also "GET A LOAD OF THIS" shirtrip
	A desolate place, without any trace It's only the cold wind I feel It's me that I spite, as I stand up and fight The only thing I know for real There will be bloodshed!


-The Raging Zephyr-	Dec 12 2011, 07:39 AM Post #9
The Winds of Change Posts: 1,254 Group: Elite Member #11 Joined: March 7, 2007	This whole fucking game. Level One: "HEY, DO YOU KNOW THE CONTROLS YET? NO? PREPARE TO DIE." Level Two: "DIVE BOMB DIVE BOMB DIVE BOMB DIVE BOMB DIVE BOMB PENIS MONSTER" Level Three: "GOT THE HANG OF THE CONTROLS YET? HERE'S A THOUSAND GUNS FROM ALL DIRECTIONS TO KEEP YOU OCCUPIED! HOPE YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHERE TO POSITION YOURSELF! GOT TO THE BOSS? THERE'S THREE OF THEM! WITH LASERS! THAT PIERCE YOUR SHIELD! AND BOMBS! AND HOMING MISSILES! AND CANNONS! AND FLAME JETS! AND THE VEHICLE ITSELF!" Level Four: "Not too hard OH OH YOU KILLED AN ENEMY, NOW THE WHOLE CHAIN GOES CRAZY! UH OH, THE WALLS HAVE STARTED TO MOVE! AND NOW THE BOSS IS A WALL! AND NOW IT'S MOVING TOO! AND IT SHOOTS SHIT THAT GOES RIGHT THROUGH YOUR SHIELD! AND YOU NEED TO DODGE TERRAIN!" Level Five: "Wait wait wait, you're still playing? HahahahaHAHAHAHAHAH, OHOHOHOHOHOH, PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!! HERE'S A THOUSAND ENEMIES, THEY MAKE AND DESTROY WALLS! MAZE OF DEATH, MAZE OF DEATH! EVEN THE BOSS IS A MAZE OF DEATH!" Level Six: "SUDDENLY, MONSTERS, EVERYWHERE. THERE IS NO ROOM TO DODGE BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE TO DODGE. OH, YOU REACHED THE BOSS? HOMING BULLETS THAT GO THROUGH YOUR SHIELDS! AND OPENING AND CLOSING WALLS YOU NEED TO SHOOT THROUGH! AND ENEMIES! MORE ENEMIES!"



-Arem-	Dec 12 2011, 08:15 AM Post #10
Fabulous Homosexual Posts: 6,262 Group: Elite Member #59 Joined: November 9, 2009	Ok, there are these flying things that race above you on the cliffs from the game I cannot remember because I played it too far ago, and I can't even remember their name, but GOD THEY ARE CUNTS!! Someone help me out here. Cliff riders? Cliff runners?
	--- Quote: Blacklightning Nov 14 2011, 02:48 AM I like it when people use the word "gay" in any context other than a homosexual one - it only proves that they have the maturity of a five year old, as if their obsession with shooters didn't already do a good job of pointing that out. It's also pretty amusing that he pointed out Skyrim considering the fact that, y'know, it's set in the bloody medival era and doesn't even have muskets, let alone generic modern firearms. But just for fun, let's play around with his logic a bit. game - gun = gay game + gun = -gay game + gun + Arem = ??? Founder of #TeamArem


-The Raging Zephyr-	Dec 12 2011, 08:17 AM Post #11
The Winds of Change Posts: 1,254 Group: Elite Member #11 Joined: March 7, 2007	Oh, you mean Cliff Racers just want to hug you!



-Arem-	Dec 12 2011, 08:18 AM Post #12
Fabulous Homosexual Posts: 6,262 Group: Elite Member #59 Joined: November 9, 2009	YES!! YES!! THOSE THINGS!! EDIT: To my amusement, I found out that the sheer amount of them in Morrowind was a development oversight. Edited by Arem, Dec 12 2011, 08:27 AM.
	--- Quote: Blacklightning Nov 14 2011, 02:48 AM I like it when people use the word "gay" in any context other than a homosexual one - it only proves that they have the maturity of a five year old, as if their obsession with shooters didn't already do a good job of pointing that out. It's also pretty amusing that he pointed out Skyrim considering the fact that, y'know, it's set in the bloody medival era and doesn't even have muskets, let alone generic modern firearms. But just for fun, let's play around with his logic a bit. game - gun = gay game + gun = -gay game + gun + Arem = ??? Founder of #TeamArem


-Havoc the Tenrec-	Dec 12 2011, 09:36 AM Post #13
Master Posts: 6,709 Group: Elite Member #83 Joined: September 10, 2010	Belstein from Kagero Deception 3: Dark Delusion... mother fucking teleporting bitch. As soon as he enters the room he teleports, can kill you in two swipes, wont fall for your tricks after a few uses, and barely gets damaged. Fucking A.
	html-initialize: <head> <blinkingtext/"I am growing stronger"</blenked> </endhtml>


-The Raging Zephyr-	Dec 12 2011, 11:07 AM Post #14
The Winds of Change Posts: 1,254 Group: Elite Member #11 Joined: March 7, 2007	What's that look like to you? A skeleton with a sword? Well, I'll tell you what it looks like to me. Every other normal enemy in Golden Axe will smash you, slash you, punt you, and charge you to deal damage. Typically, it takes them a good couple hits just to knock down one of your three bars of life. It'll probably take a good 30 seconds of constant wailing just for the enemies to kill you. This dick? He hits you on the back of the head with his shield multiple times. You lose 1, sometimes 2 bars of health instantly. You fight this guy as the boss of Stage 4, the Turtle Village, alongside a pair of amazons. And then they just keep tossing more at you as you continue through the game. A second appears in Stage 6, when fighting Lt. Bitter. In Stage 7 and Stage 8, these guys may as well be the stage gimmick. They just pop out of the ground and shove their sword up your ass so hard that you can't do anything but cry in a corner. And then a second one appears, and then a third one. By the time you get to the boss, it almost seems like they're giving you a breather with the Shadow Warriors they spawn to fight you. But no, that's not bad enough: They spawn two more skeletons, except they're even tougher. Finally, you get to fight Death Adder at the end and you murder all the enemies. And then three more skeletons appear. They're nearly impossible to kill unless they're all you focus on. Fuck skeletons.



Psycho Werekitsune	Mar 16 2012, 06:07 PM Post #15
Part man...part beast...full psycho! Posts: 17,366 Group: All Powerful Deity Member #1 Joined: December 30, 2005	Alpha-152 (Dead or Alive 4, XBox 360) Get used to seeing the above image a lot when fighting this boss because it's as relentless as it is versatile. So you pick up DOA4 and it's an easy enough game to get the hang of and master, but nothing can really prepare you for the full on assrape that is Alpha-152, the game's final boss (which is unfortunately, unplayable). So what makes 152 such a bitch? Let's take a look: Superior speed, high damage, teleportation, the ability to float and initiate a divebomb attack, combo grabs...she's got it all. Oh but what makes this EVEN worse is that, for most of the characters that end up going against her at the end of arcade mode, you are forced to fight her in the arena shown above. As you've noticed, any impact with the floor or walls causes a sort of mini-explosion; each impact causes more damage to the average hit. This is probably the only arena with explodey floors and very few have explodey walls to boot, but I guess the programmers really wanted to make it out to be like everything is against you here. But hey, sometimes you might get lucky with some of the characters and won't have to fight her there: Doesn't make her any less difficult. As you can see above, her most devastating attack is probably her point blank laser to the face grab: On the flip side, they seriously toned her the fuck down in Dead or Alive Dimensions for the 3DS, as well as making her playable. Of course, the playable version is missing abilities exclusive to the boss version, but I'm not complaining since she's a lot more tolerable now. Still though, fuck that bitch on DOA4.
	EMBRACE THE NAKED!


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