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Priceless Quotes
Topic Started: Dec 6 2006, 05:08 AM (282 Views)
Arcane
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The Immortal
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Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are some priceless quotes...

*I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word. He knew better*.

*I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good- looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

*My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

*Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Dan!, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

*This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? A true story. We had a female news anchor who the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too!

*While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy passing out peanuts and cokes to everyone. There were about sixteen flights lined up waiting to get clearance to take off. Then the other Stewardess got a message from the Pilot that the tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first in line to take off, and to have everyone buckle up. Without thinking she just announced "Please buckle up, grab your drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off", No one saw her for the rest of the flight to Houston, and all the other Stewardesses were laughing all the way and half of the passengers.

*I was working in an aquarium, when some new guy who was recently hired was given the task of feeding the fish. He started throwing in friggin peanuts! I walked up to him, looking angry, and said to him, "Damn it! They can't digest that! All they can do is lick your nuts!". Needless to say, I quit.
Cassiel: The key is this: simplicity is the enemy of complication, not the enemy of complexity.
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Seth E Cross
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[Revelation] Administrator
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>XD Am I the first person to notice that most of these are from women, apparently? What does this tell you?

LADIES! THE SMALLEST THING WILL MAKE US PERVERTED BASTARDS KNOWN AS MEN LAUGH AT YOU FOR THE NEXT 10-12 WEEKS!

Get over it >XD

By the way... How much IS a shampoo and a blow job? >O)
August 6th, 2007
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Goth's High
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Krys A Night
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Gothic Writer of the Night
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>P I noticed, I laughed. And the fact that women, who are normally portrayed as not perverted said these things, that in the minds of you... what is it Seth... perverted bastards known as men. >P
My Inner Kitten says bite me

The night rules me with an iron fist, the daylight hours are filled with broken dreams and shattered hearts. My mind no longer notes the difference, the daylight hours are long, and the nights longer. Will I ever be set free?
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FireWarrior
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Wanna-Be (I just wanna fit in)
In my high school, whenever someone said something that could be taken in a different context, 9 times out of 10, a couple of girls giggled, but no guys did anything, save groaning exasperatedly. So which gender is perverted?
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Visit my own personal website.
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Seth E Cross
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Actually, probably... 8 out of 10 times, a guy is more perverted than a girl. I'm not exactly sure why, either, but if Rin sees this post, he'll be more than happy to tell us why that is, due (of course!) to God's plan or something >R)

Heh, sorry, Rin >XD Couldn't resist that one!
August 6th, 2007
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Goth's High
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Pineapple
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I do know...
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I have had a few of these type things, my most resent was me and this girl talking and some how i said this as a reply.

"Dont bother, no matter what you do your f^cked. its just best to sit back, relax and let it come."

If you don't get that, i feel sorry for you.
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Seth E Cross
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Eh. I'd rather duck and/or dive out of the way >XD Poor Pineapple.

OH! To further prove/disprove my former point: Did the girl you were talking to make any comment about what you said, or did she just let it fly?
August 6th, 2007
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Goth's High
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Pineapple
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I do know...
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Hum, well id say we both realized at the same time.
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Seth E Cross
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Hmm... Ok, that disproves my theory a bit about guys being more perverted.

Then again, you're younger, right? The both of ya?

Kids are perverted a lot more than they are as adults... Most of the time >XD Women seem to grow out of it, while men just seem to grow in general >R)
August 6th, 2007
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Goth's High
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Pineapple
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I do know...
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Were 15. Well, in 16 in a month.

Still everyone is perverted.
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Seth E Cross
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Ironically enough, that's not necessarily true. I know a 15 year old girl who wouldn't know a perverted joke if it was dancing naked on the tip of her nose >XD
August 6th, 2007
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Goth's High
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Hermine
Cultist Goth (I belong)
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