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Jokes To Offend Everyone!; Be warned, some of these may be mean!
Topic Started: Nov 17 2006, 11:08 PM (260 Views)
Seth E Cross
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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan!

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

Why is there no Disneyland in Japan?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

What costume did the black boy&girl where for Halloween?
NONE... they went as M&Ms, one PLAIN and one with NUTS!
August 6th, 2007
Everything. Changes.
Goth's High
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smith_s9
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Seth E Cericus
Nov 17 2006, 11:08 PM
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

ROFL! I am currently laughing my ass off at this one >XD

Awesome!
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chatton noir
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Why is there no Disneyland in Japan?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
um japan has a disneyland.. but it's a great call anyway :P
they're all very funny :)
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c'est les temps que tu as perdu pour ta rose, qui fait ta rose si important. @--;----
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Pineapple
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I'm sad, no of these offended me. >:(
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knuckles
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What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

nice one...
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Seth E Cross
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Pineapple
Nov 21 2006, 05:22 PM
I'm sad, no of these offended me. >:(

What's the different between a Pineapple and a Blonde?
The Blonde has a chance to pass an IQ test with a positive number.

BOO YAH! >XD

Happy? >:)

Actually, technically that's true. I don't think fruit has IQ... Then again. You never know ^^
August 6th, 2007
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Goth's High
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Pineapple
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Lol that was pretty good. >XD

Oh and i just got my report card. 76% average and 83% on my grade 9 EQAO so take that blonde!
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Seth E Cross
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That was spur of the moment, too! >XD

Hmm, insulting. Gimme a beat and let me rhyme, and I could be a hardcore rappa, you mofos! >B-)
August 6th, 2007
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Goth's High
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FireWarrior
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Pineapple
Nov 21 2006, 04:41 PM
Lol that was pretty good. >XD

Oh and i just got my report card. 76% average and 83% on my grade 9 EQAO so take that blonde!

Psh. 97% average. FireWarrior=1337n3rd.

Great jokes but be careful. Only on the internet can you get away with these.
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Seth E Cross
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Yeah, depending on who you're talking to, saying these in reality might get you a fist in the jaw... >XD
August 6th, 2007
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Goth's High
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FireWarrior
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Wanna-Be (I just wanna fit in)
Or foot in the nuts... owch
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Seth E Cross
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Addition:

What's the difference between a Chinese man and a Japanese man?
... There's a difference?
August 6th, 2007
Everything. Changes.
Goth's High
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Rinpun Naimorai
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Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Lol, I still find this one funny, probably because the crucial flaw is easily noticeable as well, making it funnier.

Jerks marry virgins because they want more passionate sex (and what the joke says >XD)
Good men marry virgins because they want someone they can trust. Someone who has already shared her body with some other man has already shared her love with that one man, and thus has less of it to offer the new man.
http://www.leestrobel.com/ Lee Strobel was once an atheist. I suggest you look at this site if you're still convinced atheism has every reason in the world to be true, and Christianity not.

MySpace v. Facebook: “It’s Not A Decision. It’s an IQ Test”.
Dan Barker: “Never was a Christian. Glad he stopped being a hypocrite all those years ago.”
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Seth E Cross
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Here's a joke...

So a Christian Zealot signs onto a goth community forum where they're telling jokes. The Christian Zealot proceeds to point out that most of the jokes are "funnier" due to his religious beliefs and in his explaining of this, kills every joke he explains.

Needless to say, we kicked his ass and crucified him >:)

>XD Juuust kidding, Rin >;)
August 6th, 2007
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Goth's High
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Conan
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Seth E Cericus
Dec 9 2006, 02:13 AM
Addition:

What's the difference between a Chinese man and a Japanese man?
... There's a difference?

*Pulls out the eye chart*
[size=1]"I'm the Master of Disaster! The King of Chaos! Devourer of Pudding Pops! I'll pull the tag off of any mattress in Greece, man... Don't punk me! I'm DEADPOOL!"[/size]
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FireWarrior
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>Pulls out the eye chart

That's not necessary, just go here: alllooksame

The Pope calls his mother right after being elected Pope.

Pope: Hi mom, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Mother: What's the good news?
Pope: I've just been elected Pope.
Mother: What's the bad news?
Pope: I have to move into an Italian neighborhood.

Lol. Type offensive jokes into google, it's magic.
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