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Joke Thread; let here some of those funny jokes
Topic Started: Jul 25 2006, 10:04 PM (403 Views)
Marked_Assassin
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Shadowed Killer
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Quote:
 
A sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "Fuck, I missed." Surprised, the priest replied, "Don’t use that kind of language or god will punish you." The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot. Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I fuck’n missed again." The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don’t use that language or god will punish you." The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn’t help mutter, "Oh fuck…" The priest said, "That’s it god will certainly punish you." Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest. In the distance a deep voice said, "FUCK, I Missed"
[size=7]Every Bullet in the chamber is another so-called friend to fall[/size]
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Seth E Cross
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Paul Mitchell, 29, was walking home from a
friend's Halloween party earlier this year when
he found himself next to his neighbor's pumpkin
field.

He had always joked in his mind about how the
inside of pumpkins are soft, mushy, and warm
(in Texas). So he took out his knife, cut a hole
in his choice pumpkin, and began fucking it.

An officer of the City Police Dept. saw Mitchell
and stopped to see what was going on. "I expected
Mitchell to be urinating in the field and possibly
be intoxicated," said the Officer. Mitchell didn't
hear or see the Officer as she approached due to
his newfound hobby. She shined her flashlight on
Paul and said, "Sir do you realize that you are
screwing a pumpkin?"

Mitchell replied almost instantly, "Is it midnight
already?"
August 6th, 2007
Everything. Changes.
Goth's High
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Marked_Assassin
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i don't get it....
[size=7]Every Bullet in the chamber is another so-called friend to fall[/size]
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Seth E Cross
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Think Cinderella... What happened to all of her fairy god-mother's magic at midnight?
August 6th, 2007
Everything. Changes.
Goth's High
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Marked_Assassin
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i see...was he fucking around wit the cop or was he just that drunk?
[size=7]Every Bullet in the chamber is another so-called friend to fall[/size]
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Seth E Cross
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*Shrug* I think he was just being a wise-ass :D If he was that drunk, I'm sure the pumpkin was just, like... The first thing on his list, or whatever :P Not something I really want to think about.
August 6th, 2007
Everything. Changes.
Goth's High
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Marked_Assassin
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Shadowed Killer
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yea, thats true... thats not an entirely pleseant thought
[size=7]Every Bullet in the chamber is another so-called friend to fall[/size]
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Krys A Night
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I feel sorry for the damn pumpkin
My Inner Kitten says bite me

The night rules me with an iron fist, the daylight hours are filled with broken dreams and shattered hearts. My mind no longer notes the difference, the daylight hours are long, and the nights longer. Will I ever be set free?
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Kraven
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hmm... i like pie











A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
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Marked_Assassin
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thats funny :P
[size=7]Every Bullet in the chamber is another so-called friend to fall[/size]
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Seth E Cross
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The National Institutes of Health have announced
that they will no longer be using rats for
medical experimentation. In their place, they
will use attorneys. They have given three reasons
for this decision:

1. There are now more attorneys than there are
rats.

2. The medical researchers don't become as
emotionally attached to the attorneys as they
did to the rats.

3. No matter how hard you try, there are some
things that rats won't do.
August 6th, 2007
Everything. Changes.
Goth's High
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Kraven
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Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."
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knuckles
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The Engineer and the Frog

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want!"

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want!"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"

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knuckles
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just for alll you guys



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8mXPtCZDd0


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Krys A Night
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Knuckles, for those of us not registered to use that, we can't see it. And since when are you 18 or up?
My Inner Kitten says bite me

The night rules me with an iron fist, the daylight hours are filled with broken dreams and shattered hearts. My mind no longer notes the difference, the daylight hours are long, and the nights longer. Will I ever be set free?
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knuckles
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Dead Goth (Buried rear end up)
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My bad its just a video of juggernaut and some black dude saying over and over through a story" im the juggernaut bitch"

I was 18 since my parents lied to me and told me i was 2 years older then i thought. Sad yeah it is
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Marked_Assassin
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Shadowed Killer
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George bush is having a meeting witht he members of his cabinet, they are descusing the war in irag. one of his cabinet members say "We lost seven brazilian soldiers today" George bush hangs his head and says "that is very very sad...How many is a brazilian again?"
[size=7]Every Bullet in the chamber is another so-called friend to fall[/size]
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Conan
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The one and only...OK maybe not
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Marked_Assassin
Sep 10 2006, 09:09 PM
George bush is having a meeting witht he members of his cabinet, they are descusing the war in irag. one of his cabinet members say "We lost seven brazilian soldiers today" George bush hangs his head and says "that is very very sad...How many is a brazilian again?"

I'm not a bush hater, but that gave me a really good laugh. Very nice. Ahahahahaha
[size=1]"I'm the Master of Disaster! The King of Chaos! Devourer of Pudding Pops! I'll pull the tag off of any mattress in Greece, man... Don't punk me! I'm DEADPOOL!"[/size]
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Seth E Cross
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Wasn't Bush from Texas? >R)
August 6th, 2007
Everything. Changes.
Goth's High
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Marked_Assassin
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Shadowed Killer
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Reading this i felt i should be in the middle of some sort of moral dilema, but after about 2 seconds i just sorta killed my conscence(Again) and laughed my ass off...


Quote:
 
WORLD WAR III IS COMING

President Bush and Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Rumsfeld sitting over there?"

The bartender says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor! . What are you guys doing in here?" Bush says, "We're planning WW III."

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits."

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?"

Bush turns to Rumsfeld and says, "See, I told you no one CARES about the 140 million Muslims".


[size=7]Every Bullet in the chamber is another so-called friend to fall[/size]
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