Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to CLUBHOUSE11. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers; A Painful Psychological Legacy
Topic Started: Dec 7 2009, 10:17 PM (406 Views)
Saxon
Member Avatar
One
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers - A Painful Psychological Legacy
By Linda Martinez-Lewi Ph.D. Platinum Quality Author




There are daughters of narcissistic mothers who have barely survived psychologically. In the extreme, there are daughters who starved themselves to death by anorexia as the only way they could find to salvage some small crumb of their existence. We know these daughters, even though their secrets of maternal deprivation and abuse are well camouflaged behind shining faces, glowing grades and strong professional portfolios. Trapped from early childhood, they are victims of a mother who was incapable of loving them.

The narcissistic mother is psychologically fused with her daughter. Her coldness and lack of empathy affect her child from the beginning. These mothers experience their daughters, not as unique individuals, but as extensions of themselves.

Narcissistic mothers sabotage their daughters efforts to become separate productive individuals. The narcissistic mother is envious of her daughter on every level. This becomes particularly pointed as her child moves into adolescence. Young men are beginning to take notice and indicate that they are sexually attracted to this young woman. This puts the narcissistic mother's back up. She feels a gnawing envy in her gut to compete with her daughter. The mother undermines her child, telling her a series of lies that shake her daughter's confidence in her feminine identity.

The hypnotic hold a narcissistic mother has on her daughter can be so strong and pathological that the child doesn't know what she is thinking or feeling. The narcissistic mother takes full credit for her daughter's achievements at the same time that she constantly criticizes and demeans her child for using initiative or having creative ideas. The daughter who dares to think for herself or who moves toward psychological individuation is heavily criticized, labeled as a rebel and striped of any meaningful role in the family.

The narcissistic mother frequently causes powerful and damaging psychological rifts between her children. Narcissistic mothers pit one sibling against the other and use conspiratorial secrets (often lies) to further poison and destroy the relationships between her children.

She will choose one child as the special one. Often this is a child who is particularly attractive physically, highly intelligent, or displays artistic or musical talent. This child is worshipped by the mother. The chosen child can do no wrong, even if he or she is cruel, mean and deceitful to others. The chosen child is the perfect incarnation of the mother. The narcissistic mother chooses another child as the loser. This daughter becomes the target and reservoir for the narcissistic mother's expression of her unconscious feelings of self hatred and worthlessness. This child is a living disposal for the narcissistic mother's toxic venom.

Narcissistic mothers are never satisfied. If the daughter receives B's in her classes, they could have been A's. "Just apply yourself, dear. What's the matter with you?" Narcissistic mothers are obsessed with image. If the target daughter is slightly overweight, the mother makes snide remarks about her child's body. You're looking a little thick around the middle; your upper arms are on the chubby side. Your friend Sandra is nice and thin. If you watched what you ate, you could be attractive like she is." Narcissistic mothers are relentlessly cruel and critical. They would discover flaws in the perfect daughter. This will always be true since the narcissistic mother suffers from a severe personality disorder. These individuals are completely self absorbed, cold, manipulative, deceitful, exploitive, and lacking in the slightest portion of human empathy.

Most daughters of narcissistic mothers survive this malignant abuse. They learn to block their strong emotions and dance to their mothers' tune to save themselves. Some daughters become highly rebellious, act out with drugs, alcohol or sex and leave the family prematurely.

Daughters of narcissistic mothers can heal through the work of psychotherapy. One of the first issues is acknowledging and grieving over the fact that they never had a real mother, someone who loved them and cared about them as a separate, valuable human being. Daughters learn that they are not their mothers. As horribly as they were treated, some daughters spend their lives forming dysfunctional relationships with men who resemble their narcissistic mothers. They repeat the psychological patterns of childhood rather than work through the pain to transform it.

On the other side of the cauldron of transformation, daughters of narcissistic mothers are born for a second time. They are in touch with the loveliness of their bodies, the exquisite beauty of their minds and psyches and the vast depth of their souls. Now, they feel authentic---fully alive.

Linda Martinez-Lewi holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is a licensed marriage family therapist. She has extensive clinical training in narcissistic and borderline disorders. Dr. Linda Martinez-Lewi is the author of the book "Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life."

Dr. Martinez-Lewi has worked for many years with patients experiencing psychological problems as a result of personal and professional relationships with narcissistic personality disorders. She has clinical experience treating patients suffering from childhood trauma, anxiety disorders, and depression.

Dr. Martinez-Lewi has been interviewed on numerous radio talk shows throughout the country.


http://www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/


http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Linda_Martinez-Lewi_Ph.D.
Faithful and True
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
acess1********
Member Avatar
One
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Bump



"The VOYAGE of your SOUL...To THOSE who are DESTINED to LISTEN:

Each SOUL like your Oneness Soul, will TRAVEL a CYCLE that will lead you to Its AWAKENING, to Its PURE FORM, to its Highest Being.

I will not fail to meet when you breathe my Name. I will escort you, if YOU wish, to your nook in the UNIVERSE. That is, if YOU will never doubt, and will always aspire to know the BOUNDS that the CODE NUMBER will lead you to. HEAVEN will open at your feet, if you are DESERVING.

The Human Mind, in the Human Form, has the 72 pieces of KARMA to face, were you not Informed? The MESSAGE was CLEAR, was it not? If you build a NOBLE SOUL of a Mind that is intent to LOVE the craggy face of the MASTER or the dizzying pain of Worldly LIFE - even the ANGELS will be at your bidding because the DIVINE Breath PULSES in YOU.

"You know who I am NOW? I am the Light that separates darkness!"
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
LunaBaby
One
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
LunaBaby
One
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
LunaBaby
One
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Loveandbeloved
Member Avatar
Administrator
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Your mom sounds like a real peach, luna. the thing is... not so much what to do about her issue, but moreso what you need to do for your personal wellbeing. Even if she, or anyone else, punched you right in the nose or rolled you over with a steam roller, it is still your own issue to deal with. ..what needs to be done for your own healing/wellbeing. No blame is really needed anymore. It's your issue. Having said that...it really is much easier to blame someone else....lol. however, like it or not, it's a personal 'mountain' to conquer/embrace. I think you've already come to that conclusion..and have a good understanding...

Switch a few details of your story and I think we all have (or have had) a biggie to deal with...and can understand/relate compassionately. And plenty of us have hit rock bottom/core at some point.. and found a way to build a great spiritual foundation.

I have heard good things about AA. It's worth researching, based on what I've heard of it... If you don't think it's a good fit, then prayer, meditation, conversations with God, quiet listening, nature....all worthwhile paths.


The energies we're in are exposing it all now. Right out in the open, one by one... We having fun yet??? Whew! Big energies...







In Love
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
LunaBaby
One
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Loveandbeloved
Member Avatar
Administrator
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Wow - you expressed yourself so very well, luna.. Beautiful, my friend. And you summed it up great... And btw, my own mother leaned toward narcissism - and keeping a healthy distance helped alot. She passed at a rather young age while i was raising my babies.

These energies arent fooling around...this is the big time for sure. Some days i feel like i am being dragged by a rope from a speeding car... Other days I am light as a feather. It's a wild ride...upside down inside out... We all gotta do our best to stay in heart.
In Love
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
LunaBaby
One
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Create a free forum in seconds.
Learn More · Sign-up Now
« Previous Topic · Health · Next Topic »
Add Reply