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| Think Before You Speak; Or you'll wish you had.... | |
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| Topic Started: Oct 17 2007, 12:20 PM (116 Views) | |
| Saxon | Oct 17 2007, 12:20 PM Post #1 |
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6 alleged actual accounts.... > > FIRST TESTIMONY: > > I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and > asked > > loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" > > I turned around and walked back out and never went back . My husband > > > didn't say a word... he knew better. > > > > > > SECOND TESTIMONY: > > I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I > was > > unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for > several minutes, > > I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at > the > > store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at > him and > > said, "I think I like playing with men's balls" > > > > THIRD TESTIMONY: > > My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a > variety > > of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy > behind > > the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just > looking > > at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy > grinned, and > > I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never > let me > > forget. > > > > > > FOURTH TESTIMONY : > > While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to > release some > > pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her > after > > receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told > her that > > if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To > my horror, > > she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, > "If you > > don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you > kissing Daddy's > > pee-pee last night!" > > The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the > tellers > > stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity > and > > walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I > heard when the > > door closed behind me, were screams of laughter. > > > > > > FIFTH TESTIMONY: > > Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My > three-year-old > > son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him > constantly. > > One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between > errands It was > > very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I > smelled something > > funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was > clean. > > Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I > asked him > > if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that > child has had > > an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, > "Danny, are > > you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW > that he > > must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. > Soooooo, I asked > > one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped > up, > > yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE > MOM, > > IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their > tacos > > laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple > made me > > feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had! > > > > > > > > LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY: > > This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a > very > > embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think > before > > she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! > > We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to > have > > snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: > > "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" > > Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too > they were > > laughing so hard! |
| Faithful and True | |
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| simple simon | Oct 30 2007, 07:09 PM Post #2 |
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Ha ha Ha!!! Very Funny.! btw, on a bitterly cold winters night a young British lady weather presenter suggested that the weatehr would be so cold that it would be a good evening to lay down on the sofa whilst watching the TV wihilst enjoying a nice hot sausage. oops! Simon |
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Citizen of Planet Earth, living in the British Isles. | |
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| Loveandbeloved | Oct 30 2007, 10:59 PM Post #3 |
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Administrator
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| In Love | |
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8:54 PM Jul 10