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Think Before You Speak; Or you'll wish you had....
Topic Started: Oct 17 2007, 12:20 PM (116 Views)
Saxon
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One
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:angel1:

6 alleged actual accounts....

> > FIRST TESTIMONY:
> > I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
> asked
> > loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
> > I turned around and walked back out and never went back . My husband
>
> > didn't say a word... he knew better.
> >
> >
> > SECOND TESTIMONY:
> > I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I
> was
> > unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
> several minutes,
> > I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at
> the
> > store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at
> him and
> > said, "I think I like playing with men's balls"
> >
> > THIRD TESTIMONY:
> > My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
> variety
> > of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy
> behind
> > the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
> looking
> > at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy
> grinned, and
> > I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never
> let me
> > forget.
> >
> >
> > FOURTH TESTIMONY :
> > While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
> release some
> > pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
> after
> > receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told
> her that
> > if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To
> my horror,
> > she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
> "If you
> > don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
> kissing Daddy's
> > pee-pee last night!"
> > The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the
> tellers
> > stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity
> and
> > walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I
> heard when the
> > door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
> >
> >
> > FIFTH TESTIMONY:
> > Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
> three-year-old
> > son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him
> constantly.
> > One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between
> errands It was
> > very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I
> smelled something
> > funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was
> clean.
> > Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I
> asked him
> > if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that
> child has had
> > an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said,
> "Danny, are
> > you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW
> that he
> > must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
> Soooooo, I asked
> > one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped
> up,
> > yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE
> MOM,
> > IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their
> tacos
> > laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple
> made me
> > feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
> >
> >
> >
> > LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
> > This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
> very
> > embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
> before
> > she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
> > We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to
> have
> > snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
> > "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
> > Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too
> they were
> > laughing so hard!
Faithful and True
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simple simon
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Ha ha Ha!!!

Very Funny.! :rofl: :laughing:

btw, on a bitterly cold winters night a young British lady weather presenter suggested that the weatehr would be so cold that it would be a good evening to lay down on the sofa whilst watching the TV wihilst enjoying a nice hot sausage.

oops!

Simon

Citizen of Planet Earth, living in the British Isles.
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Loveandbeloved
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Administrator
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:laffin: :laughing:
In Love
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