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14 Things It Took Me Over 50+ Years to Learn; Dave Barry
Topic Started: Sep 20 2007, 12:06 PM (99 Views)
Saxon
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14 Things It Took Me Over 50+ Years to Learn


By: Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist


1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.

2. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

3. People who want to share their religious views with you almost
never want you to share yours with them.

4. You should not confuse your career with your life.

5. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
(This one is very important.)

6. Never lick a steak knife.

7. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

8. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an
actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

9. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people
to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

10. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that,
deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

11. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

12. Your friends love you anyway.

13. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone
amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built theTitanic.

14. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine.
They start out as grapes; and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have with dinner.
Faithful and True
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There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people
to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.


Never!! :party:

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