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| Oil Change | |
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| Topic Started: May 10 2007, 10:56 AM (113 Views) | |
| Loveandbeloved | May 10 2007, 10:56 AM Post #1 |
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Administrator
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Oil Change instructions for Women 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 milessince the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properlymaintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change: $20.00 Oil Change instructions for Men : 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy acase of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00. 2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for$20, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. 10) Unscrew drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on youin process. Cuss. 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face andarms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. 17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coatof oil to gasket surface. 18) Remember drain plug from step 11. 19) Drink a beer 20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 21) Drink beer. 22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer. 24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame. 25) Begin cussing fit. 26) Throw stupid crescent wrench. 27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy. 28) Beer. 29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop bl ood flow. 30) Beer. 31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 32) Beer. 33) Lower car from jack stands. 34) Move car back to apply mo re kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps. 35) Beer. 36) Test drive car. 37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 38) Car gets impounded. 39) Call loving wife, make bail. 40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. Money spent: Parts: $50.00 DUI: $2500.00 Impound fee: $75.00 Bail: $1500.00 Beer: $20.00 Total: $4,145.00 But you know the job was done right!
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| In Love | |
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| Saxon | May 10 2007, 04:27 PM Post #2 |
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One
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Recently I was having some repair work done at the car dealer. A blonde woman came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. They all looked at each other, and the mechanic asked, “What is a seven-hundred-ten?” She replied, “You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there.” The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, “Is there a 710 on this car?” She pointed and said, “Of course, it’s right there.” Click here to find out what a 710 is. http://www.wittyfish.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/08/710.jpg |
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8:55 PM Jul 10