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|The Red, The Green...; Not fanfic, but...|
|Topic Started: June 10, 2006, 11:13 pm (108 Views)|
|Jason_Clement||June 10, 2006, 11:13 pm Post #1|
Ah... comedy stories. About absolutely nothing. Got thirty minutes to kill? Enter my mind. ; )
The Red, The Green and The Other Bagillion Colours.
by Jason C. Clement
Chapter I: The Introduction
One dark day, right around midnight, a strange thing happened. Out of the blue, a green apple came flying. And it flew. Well, not really, apple's can't fly. Or can they? It's all in their plan to keep us confused like this.
Moving on, the apple continued it's flight, and then it's flight abruptly ended. When it splattered on the side of a tree. Not just any tree, an apple tree. And not just any tree, a red apple tree.
When the head of the Red Apple Council Of Red Apples heard the news, he almost pissed himself. And then ordered that the red apples retaliate. But the Red Apple Council of Red Apples wouldn't have it, and so the wait began.
And the plotting. And the scheming...
"Sir Red the Great Sir. Sir, you have a message. The head of the Red Apple Council of Red Apples wants to speak with you," said a little red apple guard, sent by the Red Apple Council of Red Apples.
Sir Red the Great Sir stared at the young apple, and took a bite out of him. "My, you are juicy. You will grow up to be a ripe red apple! Unless that chunk I took out of you becomes rotten. In which case, we will have to hang you. Away! and send in this head of the Red Apple Council of Red Apples. I want to speak with him."
"Uh, sir, he wants to speak to you."
"Do not back talk me! Guards! Hang this rotten apple!"
And so the now deformed, and rotting red apple guardsmen, named Charles, was dragged away and hung. What a sad night that was. But, it's not significant to the plot, so we will not go further.
The door flew open, even further than it already was, for it had already been open. And an apple stepped into the room, wearing a GAP hoodie and sun glasses that slightly resembled those of Bono's. Infact, they were Bono's glasses. And he would probably be after the poor apple.
"Sir Red the Great Sir, it is an honour."
"I know. Now, who are you?"
"I am the head of the Red Apple Council of Red Apples, they call me Maroon."
"I see, mister Maroon. Well, what urgent matter do you bring hence to me?"
"Is that proper grammar, sir?"
"I read it in Shakespeare, now, continue on."
"Right, Great Red Sir. The green apples propelled one of their own on our fortress tree, and I have demanded we retaliate. But the council will not have it, so I ask that you make them."
"That I make them?" Sir Red the Great Sir asked, and went into a deep train of thought. Of course he should of guessed that this was what it was about, even if he had not known about it up until now. He was Sir Red the GREAT Sir after all, not just Sir Red the Good Sir, or Sir Red the Okay Sir. He was freakin' great for crap sake. Anyway, he looked back up and nodded.
"Prepare the red apple army for war!" is exactly what he said. And he said it with much juiciness.
And then they laughed. And laughed. Until Maroon almost suffocated, and was sent to the infirmary. He didn't make it, but his last dying words were something about bloody terrorist apples, and the colour green. No one could quite make out the whole thing, except one. Who happened to be deaf.
Deep in the land of yellow, where the banana's hung silent of their trees, there was a large gathering of banana's. And a representative from the yellow apples, a mysterious faction which no one really knew about, but the banana's embraced due to the fact they were yellow, and "special".
The topic of the night were the orange apples. The traitor apples, who had gone orange to spy on all and leave their apple roots behind. Why the banana's cared about this was beyond anyone, but talk of war against the orange apples was brewing. And the yellow apples were curious.
"Here, here!" one of the banana's said. He wasn't just any banana, he Banaha. The leader of the banana army, and the United Corporation of Fruits That Generally Just Don't Like Orange Apples.
"Here, here!" one banana said in response. The crowd was silent, and all turned to the one banana.
"You dare mock Banaha?"
"No... I just... I ..."
There was a cracking noise, as one of the great human weapons were utilized. The shotgun. There was nothing left of that banana.
Banaha grinned, and turned to his audience. "Are we all ready to perish the orange apples from the face of our lands?!"
The crowd went silent and began whispering amongst themselves. Finally, they responded, "We dunno, are we?"
"You are!" Banaha responded, quite loudly. The crowd burst into cheers, and Banaha nodded happily at the reaction. "We will bring the war to the orange apples. Or as they call themselves, the oranges. Death to the oranges!"
There was rapid chanting for about five minutes, until they all got sick of it and began partying again.
Banaha was about to go back to hanging off his tree, when the yellow apple approached him. He was hooded in what look to be the remains of an A&P grocery bag. How inconspicuous.
"What do you want, yellow apple."
"My people have offered a proposal. We will share our knowledge of the dreaded Coca-Cola machines, in return for your cooperation."
Banaha was all ears. The yellow apple continued, "We have waited to long, opposed by the sheer numbers of the other apples. The reds, the greens, and the other bagillion colours that exist. But we yellow's have to stick up for eachother! We need only your help in numbers. Yellow apples are few to none, so we need help operating the Coca-Cola machines and our other weapons, like razor blades. But we will achieve victory together. What say you?"
Banaha stroked his skin and pondered. Finally, he bowed to the yellow apple and extended his hand. "We except. Return to this place in two days, and we will organize our forces against the oranges. We will wait until the red and green apples have diminished in numbers. They are at war with eachother, you know."
"A civil war?"
"How wonderful, dear Banaha. But. I must return to my homeland. I will be back in two days, fear not. With more of my men."
They both nodded to eachother, and the place where the stood became vacant.
Silence fell on the lands of all fruits, and the morning came.
This was only the beginning...
Chapter 2: Building to the Climax, Part I
Now, if you recall in the first chapter, there was a green apple. That hit a red apple tree. Which sort of set off a civil war between the red and green apples. But that is not the point.
That green apple had been genetically modified. A technology, given to them by an unknown faction that would not reveal themselves, gave them the power to house genetically modified seeds.
When that apple splattered all over the ground, eight seeds were released, and eight miniature trees grew without notice from the red apples right there on that very ground. And from them, now eight apples awoke. Eight green apples. Genetically modified green apples. Ever spooky, eh?
With much silence, they cut down the trees which gave birth to them, and quickly turned them into bow and arrows. And the began their ascent up the tree.
Silently they had creeped along the side of the tree, taking out four red apple guards without a sound. they all lay on the ground, being hidden by the roots of the genetically modified green apple trees, which had a self-defense mechanism. Destroy all red apples.
Now, the story behind the green apples is simply, that they were designed to be stealthy. Deadly. And hating the reds. But, of course, the reds knew of this and had a self defence mechanism of their own. Which happened to be unfinished and of no use to them.
The eight elite green apples entered the Red Apple Council of Red Apples high chamber, and pwned those n00b guards.
The eight faced down Sir Red the Great Sir, who had taken over for Maroon. A grin spread across his face. "You can kill me, and this entire tree! But we're not the last. And you will never find our weapon!"
The eight elite green apples looked at each other. "Damnit man, you ruin everything."
And with that, they killed Sir Red the Great Sir, and burned down the tree that houses the Red Apple Council of Red Apples.
The red apples fell into a depression.
Doctor Ripe was staring at his invention with awe, until he heard the news the red apples had went into a depression. He went pale -- or as pale as a red apple could become.
"Yes. We have no money to fund our project."
"But the weapons almost done!" Doctor Ripe proclaimed.
His assistant, Johnny Jr. nodded sadly. "I know."
"What do you suggest?"
"We need to find the hidden treasure of the red apples."
Doctor Ripe gasped. "That's suicide!"
"But it would pay for the rest of the weapon."
The room went silent, which wasn't too hard. There was only two of them.
Doctor Ripe nodded. "For our people, we will do it! Pack your gear, Johnny Jr. 'Cause we're going treasure hunting!"
Johnny Jr.'s eyes shifted back and forth. "Er. Alright. What gear?"
"Point taken. Onward forth!" and they both left the lab in search of the treasure. After all we needed a main character.
It was two days after the meeting of the banana's, and the yellow apple had returned. Banaha was waiting exactly where they had said, laying back in a lazy boy he had picked up on Ontario St. for free.
"Nice chair," the yellow apple said. Banaha nodded.
"I bring news. The red apples have fallen into a depression. The green apples are going to strike tomorrow. And they will surely win."
"Why not tonight?"
"I am not sure," the yellow apple said. "That is besides the point. We must strike the oranges tonight, so we can take out the green apples tomorrow night when the red apples are destroyed and we will be victorious over all three."
Banaha's eyes went blank for a second, and he shook his head. "Yeah, sure, whatever. Tomorrow it is!"
"Right, right. Oranges. Forgot about those traitors. The orange apples will fall!" Banaha shouted, almost falling out of his lazy boy.
"I thought so."
"I know you did," Banaha said with a grin.
"How? How are you apple to see what I think?" the yellow apple asked.
"I can't. It would be impossible to see what you think. You can't see think. But you can think think," Banaha said with a nod.
"I see..." the yellow apple said.
"No, you think you see but you don't see, you think."
"Ah," the yellow apple was growing tired of this.
"Yes," Banaha said, and lay back in the lazy boy.
The yellow apple scratched his head and walked away.
The Red Apple Council of Red Apples had been moved to another apple tree, and they were arguing over how to get out of the depression.
Needless to say, they just argued. Nothing happened. So we're going to skip this scene.
Doctor Ripe and Johnny Jr. had walked for miles, or what seemed like miles, and come to a dark and eerie tunnel. Probably a sewage tunnel of sorts.
"We need to go in there?" Doctor Ripe asked wearily.
"Indeed," Johnny Jr. said.
They walked on.
Their foot steps echoed the walls, and it creeped them both out. Until they heard a strange noise. Yes, it sounded like. And indeed it was. A leprechaun playing guitar.
They stopped dead in their tracks.
"Hey lads! Where ya heading? This be my tunnel, y'know. You didn't even ask, how rude."
Johnny Jr. tilted his head to the side and stared at the man.
"Uh, mister leprechaun sir, we're going to find the treasure. Of the red apples."
"HOLY SHIT!" the leprechaun almost jumped through the roof when he heard this. Slightly taller than the apples, he walked over and pushed Johnny Jr. over.
"Y'know how dangerous that is?"
"Yes..." Johnny Jr. said.
"Ah, alright, here, le'me help you up," the leprechaun said, and look around. "Folks 'round here call me Bill."
"Bill the leprechaun?" Doctor Ripe asked, confused.
"Yes, Bill the leprechaun, the guitar playing leprechaun. Or lep-ree-coon as they say. But, whata birds know anyway, eh? All they can do is flap. Bastards."
"Er. Right..." Johnny Jr. looked around. "I'm Johnny Jr. That's Doctor Ripe. Can we go by?"
"Sure! Want some company? It'd be much fun to see y'two die anyhoo!"
Doctor Ripe gulped. "Er. You're welcome along. I guess."
"Ah, wonderful! I'll write a story about y'two, y'know, after y'die. It'll be called. The two brave red apples. It'll be a hit. I'll sell it at chapters."
Doctor Ripe and Johnny Jr exchanged glances and shrugged, continuing to walk on.
Their journey had only begun...
Chapter Three: Building Up to The Climax, part II
If you recall in the last couple chapters, a green apple had come out of the blue and hit a red apple tree, and splattered all over the side. And out of the seeds from that apple, eight genetically modified green apples had awoken, and climbed the red apple tree, destroying the Red Apple Council of Red Apples, and sending the red apple’s into depression.
And, if you recall, the banana’s were about to wage war on the orange apple’s. And the red apple’s were in a civil war with the green apple’s (their depression didn’t much help). And, of course, our main character’s (Doctor Ripe and Johnny Jr.) had gone off to find the hidden treasure of the red apple’s.
What you didn’t know, is that the red apples, green apples, orange apples and banana’s weren’t the only fruits around. No, in fact, there are the cherries. And out of these cherries, there was only one intelligent one.
Her name was Timmy, for lack of better name’s, and she controlled the whole fruit world, with her magically, and hugely immense, computer.
How she did this was beyond anyone.
When she found out about all the wars, the first thing she said was, “Oh my! What fun!”
No, I’m just kidding.
She shut off her MSN, and went into map editor. She rebuilt the red apple tree the eight genetically modified green apples destroyed. Unfortunately, her computer was h4xx0r’d before she could activate any cheats.
Bill the lep-ree-coon was piss drunk off Smirnoff, and the fellowship were all tired (minus Bill, he was just drunk). So they had stopped for the night.
Doctor Ripe was studying plants, for that’s what Doctor’s do. I think. I’m not quite sure. I’ve never been to college.
As for Johnny Jr., he was trying to play Bill’s guitar. And Bill? He was running around screaming “Ahmahgawd!” and rolling down hills.
But then, out of the blue, a cat wearing a yellow raincoat had appeared. Nearly ten times the size of any of them, the cat scared everyone shitless.
Bill started screaming at the top of his lungs, and then passed out.
The cat stared at the leprechaun, and the realization of the fact that he had just made a leprechaun pass out hit him.
“AHMAHGAWD!” the cat shouted, and ran away.
Doctor Ripe and Johnny Jr. were left there, as confused as anyone else who has ever seen a cat talk.
Nearly ten minutes passed before anything interesting happened.
But then, Bill woke up.
And being a true leprechaun, he had slept off the alcohol and was now back to normal. Mostly.
Following his awakening, there was a loud screech. “Nevermoreeeeeee!”
“What. The. Hell.”
Bill had said it for all three, and they had turned to see raven. Screeching “Nevermoreeeeeeeee!”. Like in that poem.
But, unlike that poem, two kids came running by and chucked rocks at the raven. They were unaware of the leprechaun or the apples, and continued running.
“Well then, I’m going to bed…”
And they had all fallen asleep.
In the morning, the three woke up, and it was warm out. So warm, that even the sun was wearing sun glasses and sun screen.
Dying of dehydration within the first five minutes, they all stopped into McDonald’s, and bought McFlurry’s. McYay.
Somehow quenched of thirst, they continued on their voyage, until they came to a dark and spooky opening. With a dark and spooky cave at the end of the opening.
“Well, here it is. The dark and spooky cave of evil and spooky things that will tear off your head, sell your soul to the devil and never let you have the treasure.”
“Great, let’s go,” Bill said, and they all walked forward to the cave.
The war between the orange’s and the banana’s had begun, and the fellowship had little time to find the treasure. Unless, of course, the orange’s were doing better than anyone had expected. Which they were.
The orange apple’s were indeed cunning, and had launched a ploy that confused them all. Air attacks. Yes, indeed, they were shooting orange juice at the banana’s.
This was a set back.
“Alright men, we must eliminate this threat today. We will attack the red and green apple’s tomorrow. But today, we must destroy the evil fiends who call themselves oranges. The apple traitors. They dare attack us with their own, blended kind? Sickening.”
Banaha’s words were received with an uproar, and the banana’s were all dancing around and ready to go to war.
“So now it is men, the moment of reckoning. The day, we destroy the orange apple’s. Once and for all!”
And with that, the banana splits were set loose on the orange apple’s, and knocked out the orange juice cannons. Now, the battle was hand to hand.
The banana’s invaded orange apple land.
Meanwhile, the green apple’s were preparing for war against the red apple’s. And they were almost ready.
They had a ploy that would be nearly unstoppable. They were mutating green apple’s to have green and red traits. Stronger than the eight elite green apple’s, they would be unstoppable. The red apple’s had no chance of winning now.
The green apple chief, Dyliano, was laughing over his evil plans when his door flung open.
It was the yellow apple.
“You dare attack the red apple’s?”
Dyliano stared at the yellow apple.
“Then you shall feel the wrath of the yellow apple’s. Yes, in fact, we will flood your tree’s with Coca-Cola, and aspartame will rot your insides! Green apple’s will be no more.”
Dyliano was awed. Nobody knew where the yellow apple’s hid their trees, or who’s side they were on.
“If you believe that,” the yellow apple said, “Continue your war with the red apple’s.”
And then he left.
And Dyliano forgot completely about it, continued his attack on the red apple’s.
The eight elite green apple’s had somehow been stopped, and now Dyliano had his personal team on the case. To free them from custody of the red apple’s.
“Tell us the secrets to your powers!”
“Eat me,” one of the elite green apple’s said.
“You know what? I will!”
And so it was, that a red apple guard ate a genetically modified green apple.
And threw up nearly five minutes later.
The rest of the elite green apple’s were hung, and the red apple’s began to fortify for invasion. But what they didn’t know, was that they already were invaded. Dyliano’s secret team of green apple’s were hiding in the shadows. Waiting.
Reminds you of Troy, doesn’t it?
So it was, that the war had just begun…
Chapter 4: The Climax, part I
As you recall in previous chapters, green apples had invaded the red apples, and a civil war had begun. The yellow apples had made an allegiance with the banana's, and are about to attack the orange apple's. And if all goes well, the green apple's will annihilate the red apple's, now in debt, and then the yellow apple and banana alliance will rule all.
And, of course, our main character's about to attempt to get the treasure of the red apple's.
This, my friend's, is called a climax.
It was dark. Real dark. And scary. Really, really, really scary.
"This is kinda spooky," Bill provided. The next moment he was slapped by Johnny Jr., and went silent.
"Doctor Ripe! Get our matches!"
Flick. Strike. Woosh. A flame started on a match, creating an almost torch. They continued down the cave.
Finally, they came to a dark room, darker than the rest of the cave. They went to the center, where they found a note.
It read; 'Sorry, Dear Miss(es)/Mister traveler(s). We found the treasure first and took it. N00bz,'.
"Shiznit!" Bill exclaimed, and the room went silent. Which wasn't hard, there were only three of them. In an empty cave. But the word shiznit echoed throughout the cave for awhile.
"What now?" Doctor Ripe asked.
"We could stay here. And hide out 'til the war is over. And escape to the kiwi's," Johnny Jr. offered.
"Bah, the kiwi's are frickin' traitors. Nah, ye b'better off just goin' back and fightin' with yer people," Bill said, taking another swig of his vodka bottle, which was magically full again.
Johnny Jr. and Doctor Ripe just ignored him.
"In a way, he's right sir. We should go fight with our people!"
Doctor Ripe nodded. "You're right! Get our horses!"
"We don't have horses."
"Point made. Onward forth!"
It was warm out that day. So warm, in fact, even the sun was wearing sunglasses.
The yellow apple council had been brought forth to speak of their troubles.
"Number two, give us the news."
"Sir, we are at war with the orange apple's, and we are now imposing to unleash our Coca-Cola weapon on the green apple's."
"We cannot allow the red apple's to fall. The chosen one is a red apple."
Gasp! the whole crowd went silent.
"You have my full consent to unleash the weapon on the green apple's. And at all costs, destroy the banana's. But only after the orange's are annihilated.
The council was dismissed as fast as it was brought together, and the Coca-Cola weapon was being prepared.
In the green apple headquarters, in the middle of a relatively calm garden, the green apple's sat back and laughed as their armies moved to intercept the red apple's.
"Ah, the day will be ours!"
But they all went silent, as they heard a wooshing sound. Again and again. They stared out the window. In the distance, they saw a bottle. Marked Coca-Cola. Being swung back and forth by a rope that came from the sky. Or some sort of airplane. And then, a pin struck the lid.
And Coca-Cola filled the entire tree.
The green apple's headquarters had fallen.
The green apple army, in disarray and confusion, called off the invasion, and headed for the waterfront, where they then swam as far as they could. Which wasn't far enough. Because, everyone knows, green apple's aren't good enough.
And the green apple's had fallen.
The red apple's, in awe of the news, had called a meeting.
Of course, Doctor Ripe and Johnny Jr. had made it in time to be at the meeting. It was in an old rotten log, which was hollow and perfect to house many apple's.
"The green apple's have. Called off their attack? It's rather amazing. And awe inspiring. We don't know if it's one of their tactics or not."
"Well, thanks for stating the obvious," King Red said, "But who the hell are you?"
"Er," the apple went silent, and then ran out of the log.
"Riiight," King Red said, and shook his head. "Anyway. Why are we here?"
"'Cause the green apple's ran away. Like little sissy cowards. COWARDS!"
"I see," King Red Said. "Alright! That's good news. I am off to play x-box. Magical x-box."
King Red disappeared. And so, basically, the meeting was pointless.
The red apple's still stood on guard, for whatever was awaiting.
Johnny Jr. and Doctor Ripe were now curious as to why the green apple's called off the attack, and dug deeper into the mystery. After finding out about the Coca-Cola incident, they called for a meeting with a yellow apple representative.
Tomorrow at midnight they would talk.
The orange apple's were being beaten back by the banana's. Finally, as the last couple dozen orange apple's stood, they called for a surrender.
Banaha stepped forward. "Cowards! You orange apple's..."
"We're not freaking apple's you freaking moron. Jesus Christ people, we're orange's. ORANGE'S!"
"That's just you want us to believe!" Banaha said.
"Ah, no, but it's true," Jesus confirmed. Everyone stared at him and he slowly stepped back. "I, uh, gotta go."
Banaha shook his head. "So you're telling me, you're not apple's?"
"Damn," Banaha said. "Wait 'til the yellow apple's find out!"
"We already know," Number Two said.
They all turned their head's upwards, to see a yellow apple blimp, loaded with a can of Coca-Cola.
"But we had a tru---"
His words were cut off as the Coca-Cola can hit the ground, and splattered everywhere. The banana's rotted, and the orange's drowned in their own skins.
It was a rather funny site to see. But the defeat of the banana's, the oranges, and the green apple's was only the beginning...
Chapter 5: The Climax, Part 2
If you recall in the last few chapter's, there was the introduction, the building up to the climax, and the first part of the climax. The war was now over, and the green apple's, orange's and banana's were all destroyed by the yellow apple's.
And now, Johnny Jr. and Doctor Ripe were meeting with the yellow apple's, that day.
They sat for hours. And hours. They tried everything they could think of. Uno, Halo, The Sims and even watching Cheers. Nothing worked.
Finally, night came, and the sun disappeared.
Out of the blue, a yellow apple stepped forward, and bowed to them.
"That is I," Johnny Jr. said. "And you are?"
"I do too. Haha. Get it? Two. Too. Hah...nevermind," Number Two said, and looked around, then sat down.
"Why did you attack the green apple's?"
"Alright, Doctor Ripe, I presume? Yes. The green apple's aren't good enough to be in this world. So we drove them away. And the banana's and orange's needed to be disposed of. Useless and troublesome. As for the red apple's? Indeed, you must stay. Untouched. For the chosen one is a red apple, and if he were to die, the yellow apple's would be no more."
"He contain's the seeds to grow the last yellow apple tree. Somehow. Now, we must find him. And sacrifice him. For my people," Number Two said, nodded and finished.
"I. Er. You sure?" Doctor Ripe asked.
"Alright. Let's find this chosen one!"
They searched all night and all day. And finally found him. His name was Sir Fitzgerald, and would be hard to get to. He was a duke, and had guards.
Johnny Jr. had a toothpick drawn, and poised ready for combat. He then went in for the kill.
Two guards were caught of guard -- ahh, the irony -- and fell, as the toothpick plunged deep in one, and out to the other. The both fell over, dead.
Doctor Ripe and Number Two had followed. And even Bill had come along for some excitement, after waking up.
They broke into Sir Fitzgerald's house, and woke him up. He jumped up, startled. "Holy shit! Who are you'se?!"
"Horrible grammar, sir," Number Two simply said.
"I. Shutup," Sir Fitzgerald said. "Why art thou here?"
"We have come for you," Johnny Jr. said.
"For me? How wonderful!"
"Yes, we need your seeds."
"How shitty," Sir Fitzgerald said with a frown. "Well, you can't have them!"
"We need them. You have the last yellow apple tree seeds!" Number Two cried.
"What?! I hate yellow apple's!"
And off came Number Two's A&P hoodie, in a rage of fury. Sir Fitzgerald gasped. Number Two took Johnny Jr.'s toothpick.
"You dare put down my kind?!"
"I'm sorry!" Sir Fitzgerald said.
"I know!" and with that, Sir Fitzgerald jumped into the air, grabbed a paper clip, and swung it around like a ninja. "Bring it on, n00b."
"You're going down."
Little bars for health and magic points appeared below each man, and the rest of the character's randomly disappeared.
Sir Fitzgerald strikes, for four damage. Number Two flinches, but shakes it off.
Number Two uses an item. A drop of Coca-Cola. FIFTEEN DAMAGE!
Sir Fitzgerald is angered, striking back with the paper clip with extraordinary rage, for ten damage!
Number Two finally puts his powers to full use. He calls upon the magic of the yellow apple's. A poisonous seed strikes Sir Fitzgerald. K.O.!
Number Two gains a new weapon: paper clip! and fifty-five gold.
As the room returns to normal, the character's reappear, and Sir Fitzgerald lies on the ground, unable to get up. "You got me..."
Number Two then cut open Sir Fitzgerald, and Sir Fitzgerald bled a juicy death. Taking the seeds, they fled his tree, and went to an open field to plant them.
But trouble awaited them -- Bill's parents. And the last orange.
They stared at eachother, the two groups.
"Bill! You come back home, right now! You're grounded!"
"Make me," Bill said, taking a swig of Smirnoff. "Ye gots nothin' on me, lass."
"I'm your mother!"
"Let us by," Number Two said.
"Or else what?"
Number Two's eyes flashed red, and he charged the leprechaun's, taking them down. He then stood up and faced the orange.
"Why won't you DIE!?"
He jumped it with the paper clip, and unrolled it, stabbing the orange in as many places as possible. Finally he put the toothpick through him.
"Try and get up now!"
Johnny Jr. cringed slightly.
"Was that needed?"
"Indeed it was."
Johnny Jr. nodded.
All conflicts had now been resolved, as best as possible.
The four, including Bill, helped to plant the seeds. They then left the place, and got it passed as forbidden.
For their acts, they were all punished.
Number Two got three years in prison, for attacking a duke, two guards and killing a couple of leprechaun's. Nobody cared about the orange.
Johnny Jr. and Doctor Ripe both got thirty days, for leaving the lab unlocked. The weapon had been stolen.
And finally, Bill got to spend prison with Number Two. For being a drunken idiot. But that was okay, he spent his days teaching Number Two to play guitar. When they were released, they started a rock band, called The Yellow Two. Which honestly makes no sense, but was good enough for them.
They went on to sell two million albums.
But that wasn't all. That was only the beginning...
Chapter 6: Epilogue (that's the ending chapter)
If you recall in the last few chapter's, there was a civil war between green apple's and red apple's. And a truce had been formed with the yellow apple's and banana's, to destroy the orange's. How that played out was like this. The yellow apple's destroyed the green apple's, the banana's and the orange's, and the red apple's were left untouched.
Why? Because the chosen one, the one with seeds to grow the last yellow apple tree, was a red apple. Confusing? Quite.
But like I said, it was only the beginning.
The yellow apple tree grew, and yellow apple civilization flourished. Yellow and red apple's both had become one kind, and interbreeding had been passed as legal. The leprechaun's had also been granted free pass on the land of the yellow's and the red's.
The green's had survived, but now lived in the south. Because they weren't good enough to join the great alliance of The Red and The Yellow.
Johnny Jr. was now King Johnny Jr., and Doctor Ripe was now dead. Poor fella.
Needless to say, this stories just about over.
I leave you with only this.
Next time you go to eat an apple, remember what you're really eating. And remember, that the red apple's are the only one's worth eating. And I suppose the yellow's. They're special. But the green one's, well. They just aren't good enough.
And that, well, that was just the ending...
"I show you my hands, you don't see the scars,|
Maybe you'll leave me here to burn."
-- Scarred, Dream Theater (Awake, 1994)
|Jabra_Pride||June 11, 2006, 2:31 pm Post #2|
|Very enjoyable and well written.|
|Don't worry about the world ending today, it's already tomorrow in Australia -Charles Schulz|
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